A Day in the Life of Non-Momjeans

Pet Peeves 101

2012-01-27T11:03:00.000-05:00

Pet Peeve: Tights as Leggings/Pants.

Ladies, ladies, LADIES (!!!). You're killing me. Below outlines not only a pet peeve but a fashion faux pas. Memorize, chant, repeat over and over, make this your mantra, whatever. Just get it in your brain:

So, what this means is that ... it's NEVER okay to wear tights with a shirt that doesn't cover your ass. Still not getting it? It's NEVER okay to wear tights as leggings with tops that don't cover your ass. In fact, go to your closet. Move the tights out of the "pants" pile. Good.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the ONLY instance where this is acceptable is if you're a dancer coming or going to dance class. Or if you're Natalie Portman portraying a dancer in a film. That's it. The only time. Otherwise, wear your tights, as they are intended - under dresses or tunics that cover your precious ass. Because when you don't, you see, you take VPL's to a whole. new. level. And it makes me vomit in my mouth.

Leggings. These are also intended to be worn with shirts, tunics, cardigans, wraps, etc. that cover your hiney. What's especially disgusting, is when you wear thread bear leggings with shirts, sweaters, etc. that don't cover said hiney. And I'm sorry, but that shit ain't right. You're just asking for your husband/boyfriend/sig other to voluntarily throw themselves in front of a moving car. Can you blame them?

Solution: Just don't do this. Just don't. And if you think you might, invest in a full length mirror. But here's the kicker - you have to actually uuuussssse it.

Pet Peeve: Wearing Sunglasses Indoors

This one's easy ...

Solution Part 1: Are you blind? Is your name Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles?

Solution Part 2: Do NOT then opt for Transitions ... cause that's the creepy solution.

Stuffed Shells - Sooo good.

2012-01-26T15:14:00.002-05:00

I found this recipe in a magazine. Since I'm trying to do a lot more cooking so that eating out is a luxury, I gave it a whirl. It was a hit and we all looked forward to the leftovers.

My food allergies are extensive, so I left the cheese out, and Mr. Nonmom Jeans who has 0 food allergies didn't miss it (or the calories as we are both trying to loose our baby weight). I also used Italian Style Ground Turkey instead of ground beef and threw in some chopped broccoli to the "filling" to give it some color. This one's a keeper, kids. Bon Appetit!

Stuffed Shells

Prep: 50 mins, Bake: 30 mins, Oven temp: 350F

1 box Jumbo Pasta Shells (~35)

3 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil

1.5 lbs lean ground beef

2 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed

2 28oz. cans diced tomatoes

1 15oz. carton whole-milk ricotta cheese

1.5 cups grated or finely shredded Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

1.) Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly oil a baking sheet and a 3 quart oval or rectangle baking dish.

2.) Bring a large pot of water with 1 Tbsp salt to boiling. Add shells and cook just until slightly tender, about 4-5 minutes. Drain pasta and spread in a single layer on baking sheet so they don't stick together.

3.) In a large skillet heat 1 Tbsp of the olive oil over medium heat. Add beef and 1 clove of garlic. Season with salt and pepper. Cook and stir until no pink remains. Transfer to a bowl and set aside.

4.) For tomato sauce, in same skillet over lower heat combine remaining olive oil, remaining garlic, and undrained tomatoes. Season with salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer and cook for 15 to 20 minutes until thickened somewhat.

5.) Stir 1.5 cups of the mixture into the ground beef, add ricotta and 2/3 cup of the Parmigiano cheese, stir until combined.

6.) Spoon 1.5 cups of tomato sauce into prepared baking dish. Fill each pasta shell with about 1 Tbsp meat and cheese mixture. Arrange shells in prepared baking dish. Spoon remaining tomato sauce over shells then sprinkle remaining 2/3 cups cheese.

*I like my stuffed shells saucy so in addition to spooning the remaining tomato sauce over the shells, I also spooned about 1/2 a jar of tomato sauce over the shells*

7.) Bake about 30 minutes, until filling is heated through and top is golden brown.

Makes 8 servings (4 shells = 1 serving size) 537 calories, 26g fat, 94mg cholesterol, 661mg sodium, 42g carbs, 3g fiber, 35g protien

Product Review: Sally Hansen Complete Manicure

2012-01-24T21:37:00.004-05:00

Last week, I was reading through More magazine and came across their All-New Beauty Breakthroughs listing the Sally Hansen Complete Manicure as one of them. Lately, I shy away from manicures, and painting my nails in general, because they ALWAYS, always, always chip within hours of application. So, it's not worth my money nor my time. But I do love a good polish for a special occasion so I decided to give ole Sally a try.

Commander in Chic is my favorite color (not shown) click here to see it

Consensus: Ride Sally, ride. Never will I ever pay for a manicure again. Unless Mr. NonMomJeans decides to get me a mani/pedi/spa day gift at Red Door, then I'll gladly make an exception. Not only are there many different, hip colors to choose from, but the polish goes on nice and thick - a common complaint I have with cheaper nail polishes. After painting my nails on Saturday morning, here it is Tuesday night and I have one tiny chip ... that's just unheard of with me. I'm very hard on my hands. To this point, many people I know are switching to gel manicures which last a whopping 2 weeks, that's great and all but I can guarantee you that they don't cost $7. And that, my friends, is Sally's biggest selling point of all.

More Magazine Disclaimer: In our family (read: my Mom and Grandmother) we go through a lot of magazines and save them for each other when we are done with them. Despite the obvious age demographic discrepancy of the magazine, I love reading it and have gleaned a lot of good, useful information ... including that in this post.

Life 2.0

2012-01-23T15:39:00.002-05:00

It's interesting, having a baby with a husband. It's also interesting having had a baby before having a husband. Both were incredibly happy experiences ... and equally terrifying (I don't care what anyone says childbirth is scary), and both were incredibly different for me personally.

When I had Lovie 4.5 years ago I was single and moved back to my hometown to live with my parents, until I met someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with ... however, long that took, even if it never did (we'd eventually have moved out on our own, my little man and I). The actual day that Lovie was born, I was surrounded by my family and closest friends. I knew then, despite how hard the road was going to be, that I was going to be OK. Living with my parents was great. At any given time (since my brothers were still living at home) there were 4 sets of hands to help hold the baby, play with the baby and provide guidance/answer any questions I may have had about child rearing. Most importantly, what I remember loving the most is that I didn't have to share him with anyone. I got to give him all the cuddles and didn't have to worry about sharing quality time or anything else involving child rearing. As I had always intended, the child doesn't go a single day without knowing that he's the most loved little boy in the world. That for me is a win.

When I met Husband through Match.com my life changed again, in a different way. A life where I just can't imagine him not in it ... true love. Shortly, after we were married I became pregnant with Baby Sister. The day I went in to be induced the East Coast experienced a random earthquake ... spending 2 hours out in the hospital parking lot for evacuation was not how I anticipated things being "sped up." After 14 hours of labor she was born! She's a huge baby ... she was born 9lbs 9oz (about the size of a three month old) which makes me happy, since I gained 50lbs with her and looked as if I was going to birth a horse.

Her birth experience was entirely different. Throughout the evening (since labor was so long) we were again surrounded by our closest friends and family. As I was approaching delivery and for the actual delivery it was just Husband. He was amazing. Giving me just the right amount of attention, assurance and love (my feet were so itchy so he spent a majority of time scratching them for me ... that's love). Then she was born, and we both experienced such a wave of emotion and happiness (during labor they lost her heartbeat cause the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice ... hearing her cry was music to our ears). But then, I wanted my baby. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to cuddle her. I wanted to change her diaper and her clothes. I didn't want anyone else. Not even my husband. The times when he did, I felt as though he was hogging her. I felt jealousy towards my new baby girl.

I have never been good at sharing and it was really hard for me to share her in those first few days. Especially, going 2.5 years with Lovie and not having to share him at all. Since, then if anything, I am thrilled that I can share her with Husband. I love when he gets to hold her cause it frees me up to do the gazillion things that I don't get to do. If anything, I don't think he spends enough time with her.

When we brought her home, life was really, really hard. Adjusting was hard, for all of us, including Lovie. Dealing my own self-doubt was hard ... it's amazing how much you forget in four years and having a new baby. I felt as though I should know how to do everything, but it all seemed so foreign. Even though my Mom was just three miles away it seemed like countries and oceans because she wasn't right there with me. This was the first time for Husband so it was like the blind leading the blind. But he really rose to the challenge. He encouraged me when times were hard - and more than anything he was just there. We tackled everything as a team. When she cried for her every 3 hour feedings, he was the one who got up changed her and then brought her in to me so I could nurse her. If she fussed he would often times go in and rock her so that I could get some sleep ... knowing that my days were going to be just as tiring as his, since I was home with her all day AND a wily four year old.

What a lot of people don't realize is that when you breastfeed, you burn calories, a whopping 1,300 a day. That's like running 12 miles. It's tiring. Imagine being the most tired you've ever been and then having to go run 12 miles on top of it. That's what breastfeeding some days feels like. Then imagine that you also have to entertain another child, keep the house in some semblance of normalcy and be an overall pleasant human being.

Going through this experience with a "teammate" was an adjustment but we came out of it more in love than before. He's definitely my best friend and some days, my only adult conversation. We will have #3 one day, because I can't imagine not having one more. And Baby Sister is so magical and cute that I can't imagine not having another baby with him. In all, we are a happy family of four, taking life one day at a time and (trying) to enjoy every minute ... some days are more of a "win" than others but I'm OK with that. That after all, is life.

Let's try this again ...

2012-01-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

"'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down"

These lyrics to Katy Perry's "Hot 'N Cold" describe my blogging to a T. But, now that I've moved to SAHM (stay at home Mom) status I feel that it's the least I can do. This blog was born with Lovie and hopefully it can live strong through Baby Sister and whomever #3 will be ... when that time comes.

I have missed the blog-a-sphere and nearly every day I have at least one thought that crosses my mind that makes me stop and say "I need to blog again." So, I'm in. Let's do this!

Lazy

2011-06-09T23:01:00.000-04:00

Call it lazy, call it pregnancy, call it what you will, I like elevators. Typically, I do not care for elevators, except in buildings that have more than 4 floors. But with pregnancy hiking up steps is the last thing on my list of activities I want to participate in. I am hot and sweaty enough just thinking about walking from my car to the building, so I rely heavily on elevators ... to go up 4 floors mind you ... and seeing as how I'm 7 months preggers but look like I'm 9 I think my excuse is pretty solid.

What floors me are the people who have the rolling briefcases. What bothers me most about them is when they take the elevator up or down one floor because of said briefcase. Lame. Because there's nothing more aggravating in an elevator than having to stop on every floor. (I work on the 4th floor of a 4 story building ... there has been more than one occasion when we stop on every floor on the way up due to these jokers)

I'm sure these are the same people who park in handicap spots without a sticker because they don't want to walk and those who take a motorized cart around Sam's Club because they don't want to walk when they get inside either.

Motion Pictures

2011-05-23T16:16:00.001-04:00

Thor
What a name right? But let's not judge a movie by it's name shall we? Cause, just so happens Thor is ~~ridiculously good looking~~ a shockingly good movie. However, you must have an affinity, at least a small one, for super heroes. Growing up with two younger brothers I was left with no choice BUT to love super heroes ... and trade X-Men cards ssshhhh.

Let's say you don't care for super heroes. That's fine. An affinity for men that look like they were chissled from a piece of molten hot lava works great too. It's a fun movie. A good break from the heat if you will. Natalie Portman is in it too. Given the option, I'd do her or Thor I don't know his name in real life.

Pirates
What's more fun than a pirate? OK, so a lot of things but still ... Johnny Depp as a pirate is a pretty fun, good time. Typically, the last few Pirates of so-and-so have bored me to tears because of the following:

a of all Keira Knightley's horrible teeth when she opens her mouth
b of all Orlando Bloom is a prissy ninny
c of all 3.5 hour long movies are just too long to watch people who have bad teeth and are prissy ninnies

So, they have tended to put me to sleep. But, this latest installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean series kept me awake the whole time and I love, love, loved every minute of it. Also, it has mermaids!!

Pirates + Mermaids = Childhood memories
Huh? Read below:

Myth: Mermaids are real.

Fact: Regardless of that, every summer my best friend and I would go to the pool and spend all day pretending our legs were hooked together and swim around like mermaids.

Needless to say I really, really wanted to find a body of water and pretend that I was mermaid. But I'm an adult ... And that'd just be plain silly ... *clears throat, nervous laughter*

Mother's Day

2011-05-18T21:39:00.001-04:00

Never have I ever felt the need to back-peddle with appreciation as I do with my Mom.

Looking back I can fully admit that I was a pill/bitch/obnoxious ... and we have the home videos to prove it ... and she still loves me. Not only does she love ME, but she loves my husband and my Lovie and Baby Sister. That's true love right there.

When you hear everyone say "being a Mother is the hardest thing you will ever do," they are absolutely correct (note: the SATs come in a close second ... especially if you aren't a good test taker like me). No amount of advice from your own Mom, books, books on tape, videos, nurses, birth classes, etc. can prepare you for what your own experience is going to be like. And no matter how social you are and how many of you and your friends decided to have a "pregnancy pact" (bad idea if you are 14 and want a doll baby ... go to the store and buy an effing doll baby), it's very lonely at times. Adding to the loneliness are the Mom's who think that their children are angels all the time.

Point being - Motherhood is a hard job. Knowing that my Mom experienced everything and more that I have gone through so far with Lovie makes me appreciate her that much more.

To celebrate Mother's Day this year my husband and Lovie made me a delicious breakfast that consisted of an egg sandwich, then we went to Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden to look at all the beautiful flowers (and got a free plant in the process!), went to lunch at Mexico and then had my parents over for dinner. It was a great way to celebrate being a Mom. Here are some pictures from the beautiful Mother's Day we had:

Yes. I promise there is only one in there.

Aren't they cute!? My two loves.

I had never seen peonies before. I think I'm in love.

Peter Rabbit's house. Yes. THE Peter Rabbit.

I hope all the other Mommy readers had a good Mother's Day as well!!

Open

2011-05-17T12:28:00.000-04:00

This is the title of the book that I am almost finished reading ... Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi.

Read some of the great reviews here

It's nothing short of amazing and even more amazing is how well written it is. So well written, and captivating. The only reason why I picked it up to read it is cause I wanted to donate it and thought:

Welllll, it's a signed copy that I got when I used work at Genworth. May as well read it before I give it away.

(Andre Agassi used to be a spokesperson for Genworth and played in a few tournaments that Genworth sponsored. When his book came out he sent a box to Genworth all signed - those who wanted one got a signed copy ... or in my case those who happened to walk by at the right time and love free things.)

And I haven't been able to put it down ever since. Surprisingly the book isn't really about tennis, as I expected it would be, but instead it's about getting to know who he is as a person, his emotions, his thoughts, his journey. And that person is a remarkably touching, motivated, giving and kind soul. What touches me the most is how giving of a person Andre is. I don't know why I thought that he wouldn't be, I guess because before this book:

a.) I didn't care for tennis. At. All. (and still don't), and
b.) I didn't know a lick about him - except that he's a tennis player. And was married to Brooke Sheilds. And is married to Steffi Graff.

So, essentially all I knew about him is from what I would read in People magazine. But he's a person that puts everyone else around him first, and I will never tire of reading how much someone loves, honors, appreciates and respects their wife and family. Especially when that person is a male.

And lets get one thing straight. I'm no tennis aficionado. Me liking this book is tantamount to me ASKING to watch golf on TV. Something that would never happen.

So, mostly I'm just blown away by how good it is because I was expecting quite the opposite. Shocker book of the season right here.

Easter 2011

2011-05-14T13:15:00.000-04:00

Easter is always one of my favorite Holidays - because the focus is on children getting presents from a mythical giant bunny someone was smoking some serious juice when they thought that concept would be a good idea and spending time with family over a ridiculous amount of food.

In summary: Holidays that involve ridiculous amounts of food consumption are my favorite.

The hardest part in our house, the Parker house, is finding the right time for the Easter Bunny to present him/herself. Last year Mike and I totally forgot about Easter so The Bunny came during Lovie's nap time so that The Bunny could gather some presents.

Easter Bunny challenge: Lovie cannot have an ounce of chocolate or else the Devil himself is present for the remainder of the day.

So, The Bunny fills Lovie's basket with various and sundry non-chocolate treats like DVD's and little trinket toys and chewable candies. Last year The Bunny went all. out.


Complete with Bunny footprints ... Lovie was very distressed about this

But very pleased with his basket of treats

The Bunny also leaves Easter eggs in the front yard for an afternoon Easter egg hunt.

In summary: Easter 2010 was a resounding success ... Winning.

Well, this Easter we had to carry on the mid-afternoon tradition. So, that meant making sure SOMEone had/took a nap. Since we had all the preparations for Easter this year there was no excuse for The Bunny to not come in the morning. But being the horrid parents we are, we still couldn't get our act together to have The Bunny come in the morning AND come to find out, this was good bribery:

If we keep stealing other children's Easter eggs/standing on the pews in church/crawling on the floor at brunch I'm going to call The Easter Bunny and he won't bring you your basket.

So, that worked very well. Until actual nap time needed to happen - getting a certain SOMEone to take a nap these days is no small feat. Especially since he's moved into his "big boy bed." Never the less, ~~after a good 2 hours of reenacting the Exorcist~~ nap he eventually took. Allowing The Bunny to get the Easter preparations, set up Lovie's basket of treats and hide some eggs.

In summary: Easter 2011 was a success despite a brief run-in with devil possession.

Other ways in which Easter 2011 > Easter 2010:
a.) We all went to church in the morning, before church there was an Easter egg hunt on the lawn of the Capitol. Lovie made out like a bandit;

Pre-said Easter egg hunt on Capitol lawn ... proof we went to church ...

b.) We had brunch with Nana and Papa afterwards no proof of this, you'll have to take my word for it, if you know me, you're lucky you're seeing pictures of a Holiday. You're welcome;
c.) Another egg hunt after nap again count your blessings;
d.) Dinner using the new china with Nana, Papa and Uncle Johnny no proof they actually came but keep in mind we wouldn't set all that china out for imaginary friends.

The china looked so pretty, I wish it translated better via pictures ... while we had our work cut out for us hand washing the dishes afterwards, it was so fun to use it all!

I Heart Bethenny

2011-05-11T22:42:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's because I'm slightly neurotic myself or maybe it's because I secretly want to be ridiculously successful, rich and thin ... but I have a serious girl crush on Bethenny Frankel. This is the first girl crush of mine that isn't due to her looks because let's face it ... by most standards she's not a gorgeous girl.

Girlfriend is a little tran-tastic ... and those jowls ...

But she says what's on her mind, makes no apologies for it, doesn't care who likes her and who doesn't and has an uber successful brand.

She's also a Mom who, thankfully also shuns the Mom-jeans. I'd love to spend a day in her closet after I lost 90 lbs. Above all else, I just find her to be entertaining. And perhaps that's all she is - entertainment. But even if that's the case, I enjoy every minute of it.

Since my husband knows 100%, first hand, how much I love her this is what he got me for our 6 month anniversary present:

Can't wait to drink it alllllllll ....

And it was perfect. And I can't wait to try it. Skinnygirl is Bethenny's line of low cal bottled margarita ... the only one of it's kind and is in such high demand that ABC Stores are rapidly selling out of it. She recently sold Skinny Girl for $120 million. Girlfriend knows what she's doing.

So, until the next season of Bethenny Ever After airs, this fan will be anxiously awaiting ...

The Going's On ...

2011-05-05T22:56:00.000-04:00

Lately life has been going at light speed 'round these parts. Feels like treading water trying to keep up. Not having a lot of energy/not sleeping isn't really making things easier.

Lovie is in soccer, like he was last Fall. However, either the Y doesn't really have their act together this season or things are just more organized in the Fall. This thing has been crazy to say the least. Right hand doesn't talk to the left, we don't have a coach so the parents rotate (Right. Cause that's not confusing to already wound up 3 to 4 year olds.), and it's pollen central. Soccer lately is classified as Mike and Lovie "doing boy things," meaning Mommy ~~does laundry~~ stays home. This is in large part because I just say the word Spring and get a sinus infection.

We're having a baby. Which means, essentially, starting from square one ... not only cause it's a girl, but because things like car seats expire (so add that to the list), strollers break (add that too) and we don't have a crib (Lovie was using one my parents lent us ... add that too), girl clothes are needed (I have a mini panic attack every time I think about all the clothes we are going to need), outfitting a room (dinosaurs just don't seem appropriate for a baby girl) ... I could go on. So, there has been a considerable amount of shopping going on ... thank goodness for HomeGoods and huge online nursery sales at Pottery Barn Kids. If you want to take a ganders at the crib we got here it is. I really love it and can't wait for it to arrive. We are going to register too. This is because we know people will want to get something for the baby at some point ... and it would be good to point them in the direction of a list of what we need.

We're also technically still newlyweds. SO, since our 6 month anniversary is tomorrow (!!! can you believe it!?! 6 months of wedded bliss) we are going out for a date night on Saturday night. I'm pretty excited. It's the first one in a loooooong time. Much needed.

House projects are lining up fast and furious. My fantastic husband has practically transformed our yard into a green beacon (I will have to post some pictures), he stained our front porch and back deck, and he's toying with putting in a patio underneath the back deck. I'm so happy I married a handyman with a green thumb. Neither of which I have (nor do I want to have).

In cute news ... Mike calls me "Sweetie" and I call him "Honey." It never ceases to make me smile and laff when Lovie from the bottom of the stairs if we are getting ready to walk out the door will say, "Come on Sweetie. We gotta get going." Or when Mike is driving, and perhaps we aren't driving fast enough for Lovie's liking (he's a total back seat driver) says, "Honnneyyyy. Goooo. Go, Honey." He's a tiny magical lovie for sure.

Oh. And because both Mike and I know a lot about T-ball, and even more about T-ball with 4 year olds, we thought it'd be a good idea to start Lovie in T-ball. Ha.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Stereotypical ...

2011-04-27T15:31:00.001-04:00

What's more stereotypical in pregnancy than pickles and ice cream? However, since I can't eat ice cream (pesky milk allergy) I will have to settle for fried pickles. And. They are heaven on earth.

Saturday night we went to a Flying Squirrels (Richmond's horribly named minor league baseball team) baseball game with Lovie and his little friend from school and her Mom and Dad. I went to the concession stand to get us some grub (where us = me) and omgah! I saw Fried Pickles on the menu and I had to try them. They were fried pickle spears which was totally bi-winning because they were tasty dill and easy to manage. Not to mention they were so, so, so good. So good in fact that when Husband went up later to get us more grub (where us = him) I requested another round of fried pickles.

Here's exactly what my delicious little friends looked like:

Well not exactly what they looked like ... mine came in a paper tray covered in grease

Swoon.

Ummm ... Would we call that, attractive???

2011-04-22T22:40:00.001-04:00

You can read every What to Expect When You're blahblahblah book and they will tell you that there's NOTHING more beautiful and precious and desirable than being pregnant. And that everything is glorious about it eeeven if you're throwing up your life every morning. It's fine. Means the babe is healthy.

Well. Guess what's NOT attractive? Blood shot eyes + trying not to purge at work + drinking lukewarm water = I feel sooo beautiful!!

I've gone ahead and put together a list of some other "attractive" qualities in pregnancy.

Dinner Plates. - Cause we all aspire for our areolas to look like this:

Actual size during pregnancy.

Oh, and what's that? It's because the baby needs to able to see them when they're breast feeding. Awesome. Cause I'm pretty sure s/he could SEE them through a bra AND a black shirt. From a mile away. Just saying.

WARNING: Wide Load. - No matter how cute you are in the front. Turn around and take a peek at that rear ...

Actual reaction.

A literal "OMG." But I don't think one exclamation point is enough.

Pizza. - I'm hungry ... for your face. Which looks like a 13 year old boy's or a hearty pepperoni pizza. Loves the acne. That crystal clear skin?? It's a What To Expect When You're Pregnant ~~in Heaven~~ lie. A pregnancy trap lie.

Sexy Can I? - Pit stains? Swamp ass? Hot. Literally. In fact during pregnancy you sweat so much that you start to think you have glandular issue.

Victoria's Secret. - Skinny bitches.

Stop sending me your magazines while I'm pregnant k? And while you're at it. Eat a mayonnaise sandwich. And for the record - my boobs are bigger than your chicken cutlet push up boobs. So. Suck it.

OK, OK that was more of a vent. A totally legit vent.

You'll start showing "sooner" with the second. - Liars!! I've looked like I was 5 months pregnant since the day I took a pregnancy test. How much "sooner" than that does it get?!?

Stoma's. - You're going to immediately be whisked into trach surgery after you deliver from all the heartburn. And nothing says to your husband that you're ready for a little romance like the voice of Stephen Hawking to seduce him.

Yes. Being pregnant is a miracle. But no, it's not pretty. Happy Easter all!!

Lovie aka Hell Boy.

2011-04-20T15:48:00.000-04:00

Lovie is going to be 4 this year. FOUR. Can you believe it? Seems like just yesterday he looked like this:


I want to eat him alive.

And now that he's all grown up and four, he looks like this:


Too bad you can't see how cute his hammies are.

However, don't let that cute little smile and those sweet as pie crossed leggies fool you. We're going through ~~hell~~ a stage right now. And "we" is actually very fitting, as many days Mike and I feel like we're at our wits end and have actually reasoned why locking ourselves in a closet wouldn't be such a BAD thing?!? It'd be fine.

Apparently, what we have on our hands ladies and gentlemen, is a very stubborn and smart and hard headed little guy. Routines that used to be ... err routine ... are now a battle. From getting dressed in the morning, to pouring and subsequently eating cereal, to tucking our shirt in just so, to ~~wanting to wet the bed at night~~ not wanting to wear a pull-up to bed ... I could go on.

On more than one occasion it's made me consider myself the worst mother in the world. What kind of mother can I be if I apparently have no control over my child? Who in God's heaven of decision makers thought it'd be a good idea to bless me with a SECOND child OMG we're having a second child when I have done such an apparently horrible job with the first? What kind of cruel joke is this?

But alas not all days are bad thank you Baby Jesus and we've found that the closer we keep him to a schedule and the more strict, firm and consistent WE are with him the better HE is. I have heard from more than one parent that this is a stage that will pass and as long as we are firm with him things will get better. I've also found that giving him more independence and freedom work wonders for this little guy. He loves making choices on his own and he loves doing things on his own. So, we've tried to incorporate more choosing and doing. And I guess there's the whole I love him to teeny tiny pieces even when he's ~~possessed by the devil~~ going through this stage.

What also makes this stage so hard is that 3 was SUCH a good stage for us. Oh it was a dream and so far my absolute favorite. He was talking up a storm, potty trained, and just an over all little ham of a man. He was such a little buddy. And this stage is just so opposite. I'm looking forward to coming out of whatever this is and moving on to the next one. I know they evolve and change so I hope these are all steps forward. If there's one thing he's been from the get go it's been feisty and full of personality. Boy. Is that ever true.

*sigh* As I tell him every day, "Thank heavens you're cute."

Up to Speed

2011-04-19T15:13:00.001-04:00

Here's what's been going in the world of Non-Momjeans since my last blog post. Yes. I realize that this was a long, long, long time ago.

Sappy.
I got married on November 6, 2010 and it will forever be the happiest day of my life. I think this picture captures how happy this day was VERY well.

My Mom described this picture as "ebullient" and I couldn't have said it better myself

Many people feel as though they were "born" to do whatever their chosen career path is, or to have kids, or to be a Mom, or to volunteer their time to a certain cause. I truly feel as though God put me on this planet to marry my husband. Nothing in this world has ever felt so right, was so happy, and so fulfilling. And married life, even though we have our days, is something I wouldn't trade for the world. I love my Lovie, don't get me wrong, but lets face it. There's nothing blissfully happy about childbirth.

Happy.
Speaking of childbirth. Fast forward to ... December 2010 and welp. I'm pregnant.

We just found out she was a "she" on Friday, April 14

Here she is. You heard that right. We are having a little girl. Our little addition to our already chaotic family will arrive on or around September 3rd. I'm hoping for August 30th though ... as my Birthday is March 30th, Lovie's is June 30th so it'd be really cool if this one carried on the "30th" tradition too. Not to mention the fact that this summer is going to be ~~painfully and annoyingly~~ hot.

Happy 2.0
So, this year just so happens to be The Year of the Wedding. My brother will be getting married on May 28th:

And my best friend, Jec-Jec, will be tying the knot on October 22nd:

Doesn't she look like Carrie Underwood??

I am so happy and excited for them both!

Soccer Mom

2010-09-03T20:06:00.000-04:00

The other day we registered Lovie for soccer. He is so excited about it and it will be a great experience for all of us, I think. On our way back from registration, Mike made the oh so witty comment: "Now it's official. You're a soccer Mom." My response was a happy one. I am so happy that I get to be a soccer Mom because I can totally bust that myth into the water. The only thing I agree with Soccer Mom's on is being their children's #1 Fan. I am wholeheartedly behind that.

You had best believe that I will be supporting Lovie 100%. I may even make a sign. And I will of course wear his team color. I'll be rooting him on the whole time.

You will never, ever catch me in a minivan though. Nor will I ever embarass him with jorts, tube tops or the like. I will also shun from my wardrobe the soccer mom jean jumper and wooden apple necklaces.

I like to think I'm a cool, hip Mom. And if there's one thing that's for sure I love my Lovie more than anything. I can't wait to experience this with him and I look forward to being Team Mom. Orange slices and juice boxes here I come!!

Non-Drifts

2010-09-03T20:01:00.000-04:00

Non-drifts are mid-drift tops gone awry, that found themselves on wrongful owners. Today we witnessed two such occassions - one was outside a department store and the other was IN Kroger. This epidemic isn't singularly limited to women. Oh no. Our Kroger culprit was a male. That's correct a male.

Let's start with the department store non-drift. It's warm in Richmond, yes. And I can imagine that if you are smoker it's especially warm. Tonight, Lovely was sitting outside, enjoying a smoke in her mid-drift baring black tank top. Yum. Her belly button fat roll was especially delightful. Hopefully, she wasn't dressed FOR work and was instead dressed for LEAVING work.

Next was our Kroger experience. In the meat aisle was Sexy. He was large, in a Yankees hat and shirt (oh curses!) and jorts (foul #1) with the waistband of his underwear folded over the top of his jorts waistband. You are probably asking yourself: "How does she know that?" Welp, cause his shirt didn't meet his pants that's how. And he had stretch marks on his belly. "How does she know THAT?" Cause his shirt also didn't cover his belly. Yum and YUM.

You really have to wonder if people own a mirror. Not everyone has to be a stick figure to look good, or hell even appropriate. All we really need are some pants that fit and shirt that covers the appropriate areas. Especially in public.

Non-drifts and jorts. Double whammy.

Happy Labor Day!

Gray Day

2010-08-09T23:58:00.000-04:00

Gray is a truly miserable color. Tonight I made the wretched (and turns out disgusting) mistake of wearing a gray shirt to my class at the gym ... Body Combat. Yes, it's high intensity. Yes, you sweat your tail off. So, needless to say I walked out of class not looking like I worked my tail off for the last hour but more like I have a glandular issue that is so not under control.

But I find that even with just gray shirts in general, they absorb and announce to the world, the smallest drop of sweat and make it look like you have pit stains from hell, when really, you aren't THAT hot. However, unbeknown to you, your gray shirt is announcing to the world that you are sweaty. You've been REALLY shopping, maybe even decided to make a race out of it. Like a 5K or something. Hot. (Literally.)

Thank gawd I don't own gray workout pants. Nor will I ever. Can you imagine how utterly disgusting that would've been?!? I would've looked like I either peed them, my water broke or my vajj has a glandular issue. Joy.

Word to the wise. Beware of gray in the world of workout gear. Be smart and stick to gray's cooler and sexier sibling ...black.

Vacay Dropping

2010-07-06T00:33:00.000-04:00

First, a quick dialogue heard today in DSW:

Woman #1: You aren't getting anything?!?
Woman#2: No. I'm going to spend my money in HAWAII. Plus, those hiking boots I got last year when we went to HAWAII were perfect and so comfortable for walking on the VOLCANOES.

There are a couple of things to note here. For starters the vacay dropping. We love the fact that you've been to Hawaii at LEAST twice Woman #2, but really? In DSW? Second, I sense that someone's bitter about walking out of DSW empty handed. I mean, how can that really happen? The law of averages in that place is INSANE. They have so many shoes that it's nearly impossible to not find something. And everything is typically, always on sale. It's like a shoe Macy's - they have sales just 'cause.

What gets me is that Woman #2 was there when I got there. So, she was trying to decide what shoes to get for Hawaii for quite some time (I was there for an hour and she was in front of me in line). And I'm the most indecisive person in the world. Wait. I stand corrected. She did end up with a purchase for Hawaii - she ended up getting an umbrella. Because you'll need an umbrella MORE in Hawaii than you will a pair super cute sandals. Whatever.

Can you imagine what this woman is like after an "all's clear" yearly. Or how she was when she found out she was preggers?? (She had her daughter with her - which is why there's the preggers comment. Daughter was very distraught that money was being saved for Hawaii, because she wanted a pair of sandals and was extremely unhappy about the decision to get an umbrella instead - wtf?!?) I bet she celebrated with a shoe-less trip to Hawaii.

Standing behind them in line I kept to myself that I very happily found a pair of shoes that will be donned under the most beautiful dress in the world, a dress more beautiful than Hawaii - my wedding dress.

Except for now :)

Really? You're going to ask about that in the elevator??

2010-06-18T23:05:00.004-04:00

I get that summer is about spending time outdoors. Often times people can tell that you did so by the golden color of your skin - or sometimes the red color if you aren't as careful. Which I guess is what I'm trying to get at. Time in the sun doesn't equal younger appearance or smaller waistlines. It may give that impression. At first. But down the line you are going to look like a 70 year old leather jacket by the age of 35. When, I ask you, has that EVER been the epitomy of cute, praytell?!? What spawned this thought process and subsequent blog is the following conversation between me and a coworker of mine in the elevator at lunch time. Me: Hey! How are you doing? Did you have a good weekend? Coworker: I'm good it was great! Me: Yeah it was so hot out - we just relaxed by the (cutoff by coworker) Coworker: Yea, you don't look like you spent ANY time outside. (coworker exits elevator) I was left a little dumbfounded by this conversation. A.) because where do my coworkers get off reminding me of the fact that I am pasty white? B.) since when is being tan at work a requirement - so what, you're going give me a lower performance review because I am not golden brown?!? Don't even. (but may not put it past them) C.) this coworker was male. Since when do guys care about tans? And! Moreover, most guys I know like young, fertile looking women. Not leather jackety, alligator skin looking 30 year olds. I have a man at home who loves me & all my pasty white glory. And if he doesn't he does a really good job of hiding it. Keep up the good work honey!

I'm baaaaack

2010-06-18T22:58:00.003-04:00

So, I know I haven't blogged here in a while. Life got a bit crazy. What with getting involved with a serious relationship that snowballed into an engagement and now planning for a wedding in November - to managing life with a rambunctious 3 year old - to working like crazy - to exercising - and then trying to make time for Mike and I to enjoy each others company. There some days where I feel like even if I WANTED to blog I couldn't physically bring myself to do so. Now that I have realized how much I have MISSED blogging. I'm getting back into it. And I'm really excited about it. This blog will still remain the non-sensical blog about really nothing blog, and my other blog will still remain the wedding events and goings on blog. Keep coming back for more!

Things I've Learned While Being Sick

2009-02-19T08:53:00.002-05:00

1.) Sleep. I have a new appreciation for sleep. As well as the realization that I am grossly deprived of it. 2.) Phlegm. This is how it's spelled. And it attaches itself to every orifice of your body when you are sick. (+50 for the use of orifice.) 3.) The 3rd Hour of The Today Show. Is worthless. Kathie Lee is worthless. Why. Why. Why. 4.) If your fever gets high enough, your eye balls feel like they are going to pop out of your head. Only cure for this is sleep. 5.) Lovie. And how much it sucks not being able to give him sweet Lovie kisses. 6.) All Better. I want to be this.

Not yet a man, but not a boy either

2009-02-08T20:58:00.003-05:00

Guys are lucky because they look younger than they really are for quite a while. Some, in their 20's don't look a day over 14. Like today, when I went to fill my birth control pills. The little guy who took my prescription information looked to be about 14. I made life very awkward for him, read below: ManBoy: "Is this going to be all for you today?" Me: "Yes, but I have a question that I'd like to ask the pharmacist." ManBoy: "I am a pharmacy intern, how can I help you." Me: *thinking: WTF you're like 14.* "OK. I started my period today. Can I start taking my birth control pills today, or I do have to wait until my cycle is over?" ManBoy: *BLUSHING* "First you want to take two pregnancy tests 5 minutes apart..." Me: "There's no way I'm pregnant." ManBoy: "OK. Then yes. You can start taking them today." Me: "Thank you!" So, I'm pretty sure he was glad to see me leave. Until I go to pick up my PILLS and he rings me up again! Haha. And yes, he was blushing. Serves you right, manBOY!

Super Bowl Sunday

2009-02-01T22:35:00.003-05:00

In honor of the Super Bowl, today February 1, 2009, I thought I would give you a little insight into the Top 10 things I know about this fine sport. First, the Washington Redskins are from Washington, D.C. Not Washington state. This may seem obvious but I thought they were from Wash. State until sometime in middle school. Second, football is Americana. Just like hot dogs and apple pie. And apparently an obscene amount of commercial breaks. Third, football games will never be "To Be Continued..." Thank gawd! Fourth, Virginia doesn't have a pro football team. Wait a second. We don't have any pro teams. Hogwash. Fifth, my Mom just dropped a bunch of hangers and I'm going to continue to write this blog about football. Sixth, football players are manly men however, they have quite taken to grabbing each others nether regions. Don't call them gay though. Or they will shoot themselves in the foot. Seventh, never let a football player around a gun. Eighth, the Detroit Lions should relocate if they ever want to have a shot at a good football team. Or. Recruit Eminem. Don't argue with me. They suck. They can't be picky. Ninth, the yellow line on the football field is not real. I don't know enough about football to tell you the name of this line. But it's a yellow one that doesn't exist when you are there in person. Tenth, an episode of The Office should follow every football game.

Great Expectations

2009-01-25T23:21:00.005-05:00

Have you ever gone into something with these amazing expectations that this something was going to be the something to end all somethings?? And then you get there and you're expecting the something to come to you all night, but...it never does? So, I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was a great movie. But I wanted it to be sadder. I was expecting super, duper, never seen before in the movies sad. What ended up happening was not that sad. At least not as sad as I had expected. I really wanted to cry that night. I wanted to be in there and just sob. However, Titantic, yes the one with Kate Winslet and Leo, was sadder than Slumdog. Slumdog is better all around--since you don't go into the movie knowing the outcome. But wait! That's another good point!! Titantic was still sad, like made me sob sad, even having gone into it knowing *spoiler alert* that the ship was going to sink. The root of all this "Slumdog saddness" started with Elliot from DC 101 saying on his morning show that it made HIM cry. He's the most non-crying person ever. So, I was all ramped up to think that I was FOR SURE going to sob. I would be an effing blubbering mess. And welp, if I haven't said it enough already, I wasn't. So, I need to see it again. Because now I know that I won't cry. So I won't be expecting a movie that makes me cry.

The Awful Truth

2009-01-14T21:03:00.002-05:00

What's worse than finding out that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy don't exist, is realizing that -Shannon, 23, Fort Worth in Cosmopolitan's "96 Things You Can Do In Bed To Make Him Stay Faithful," is not an actual person. A friend of mine enlightened me to this fact in college and just about blew my head off my shoulders. However, after thinking about it, it made sense; just like why would actual fairies want to collect teeth? How would writers for any girlie gossip or fashion magazine have the time to go out and ACTUALLY find Shannon's and Debbie's and Laura's from Fort Worth, Juno, and Detroit respectively? Especially when a majority of the magazine's writers are in NYC. And doubtful that gazillions of women are sending their sex lives via e-mail to these fashion/girlie gossip magazines so that the editors can publish them for the world to see. In fact, -Shannon, 23, Fort Worth is actually Beauty Writer: Tiffany from Cosmo Magazine in NYC.

Christmas Lights

2008-12-28T20:21:00.005-05:00

So, I think we can all agree that Christmas lights are really swell. They are real fun to look at, the tacky-er the better, and then ruminate over how high those people's electrical bill will be. Sadly, there's a not-so-swell part of Christmas lights tho...the single color lights people. This doesn't include the white lights. We all know the kind - the people who have their bushes done in all red lights. Or the guy across the street from you who thinks it looks cool to have green candles in the windows. Never mind the people who have their house completely outlined in blue lights. These fine folks didn't get the memo that doing that makes it look like they let a 5 year old do the decorating. Not to mention the fact that it gives off more of a "We're Wicken!" vibe also known as Halloween, than a "Merry Christmas" vibe. While we're on the topic of lights at Christmas time, we can't forget luminaries. It's a good idea in theory. Most things that are good ideas in theory translate miserably into real life. This is one of those times. Sure, luminaries would be great if everyone did them. But in reality there are the people, like us and by "us" I mean my family who don't . It'd also be really great if people knew how to put the luminaries in a straight line along the street. But there are a majority of people who don't know how put things in a line much less a straight one and an even bigger majority who have completely forgotten everything that Smokey the Bear has taught them and put their luminaries in the leaves. Lastly, it'd be marvelous if the luminaries got thrown away the next day, however, there's a select few who think that crushed luminary bags look great lining the street for a full two weeks after the fact.

It's a BIRD!, It's a PLANE!, It's a....Mirage???

2008-12-11T22:05:00.005-05:00

Lately, my imagination has been running on some serious overtime. It's working HARD for it's money. Those of you who are my friends on Facebook know this by my status, which one night read: I keep thinking I hear a lawn mower! even tho it was Midnight. Now lately, it's my phone ringing. This is funny because my phone doesn't really ring that often. So, maybe it's my subconscious wanting it to ring, so therefore, I think it is!?! Profound! Currently, we are in the process of moving Bean and me upstairs into separate bedrooms. So, there's a floor lamp in the hallway from when'st we were painting. Whenever I walk out of my room, which is at the end of the hall, into the hallway, I think said floor lamp is a person. I've scared myself now about 4 thousand times thinking it's an intruder. All this is going on while the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song is running through my head on a constant, let me repeat CONSTANT, 24 hours a day-7 days a week, basis. Perhaps, therein lies the problem???

If at first you don't succeed... Try, Try, Again

2008-12-08T20:13:00.006-05:00

All throughout my childhood, I thought these were the devil:

I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with them. Just the thought of them made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. But, because Moms can do whatever forms of torture they want to their children, we had them often. I can't wait to do things like this to Bean! So I didn't have to encounter nastiness, I think I either hid mines in a napkin OR graciously decided to "help clear the table" and quickly disposed of them in the trash.

Fast forward a few million years and I now find them to be very tasty. In fact, they are so tasty that I get excited when we have them for dinner. In fact, I now like them so much that I'll cook some up and have them for lunch! GASP! Cans't thou believe it!?!? Whilst this, try, try, try again, then try harder, method worked for brussels. It will never, ever, EVER work for lima beans. I don't care how much time has passed they ARE, and always WILL be the devil ewwww, nastiness!:

Another thing I'm scared of...

2008-12-03T19:47:00.003-05:00

Is accidentally eating a staple. Totally. If you've ever had Chinese food you'll understand. Not because I think that the lovely Chinese restaurant people cook with staples. But, because those good crunchy noodle things, that make your egg drop soup taste better and more cholesteroly, have staples all over the top. So does the bag that your food comes in, so do the fortune cookies. If you're even remotely hungry you're going to rip open the bags to get to your food. Right? And there's probably a pretty good chance that one of those staples could find their way into your food. Right? What I'm afraid of is that I'll be paying so much attention to something on TV or to one of my family members that I'd miss the staple in my food and eat it. Then I'm sure I'd scratch my throat pretty good or it'd get stuck in my throat and I'd die because hello!?!?, the Heimlich isn't powerful enough to get a staple out. It'd prolly settle in nice cozy like in my throatal cavity. Then they'd have to do an emergency tracheotomy. By "they" I mean "family member;" Which would be a disaster because no one in my family is a doctor. So, they'd probably do it in the wrong spot. Then, if I somehow managed to survive I'd have a huge hole in my chin. Which would be cute, but I'd be alive at least. I guess all those years of developing a "good personality" would really have to come in handy, right? Another way you could swallow a staple accidentally is if you were at work and when you took staples out of things you sometimes put them on the floor not realizing that you put them there but yeah you kinda did realize it. And then you drop a mint. You go to pick it up and a staple gets caught in your finger nail. You throw the mint away but somehow the angle you had your hand at didn't release the staple with it. Then you reach into your bag of chips or candy and THAT's when the staple decides to fall out. Right. Into. Your. Mouf. DEAD. Gone. Right there at work. And that's why I don't like staples. The End.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-28T20:32:00.003-05:00

I'd like to first give a big shout out to my Mom and Dad. Without them, I'd probably be homeless, and/or living the life of Eminem and his Mom in 8 Mile. For serious. They are the best parents. I totally lucked out. Next, lets give a big round of applause to Bean. He's the best baby that ever graced this planet. I can't imagine my life without him. My life didn't start until I had him. And just when I don't think he could get any cuter, another day passes and he wins my heart over even more. He's my muffin-top-head-face-pumpkin-love and I want to eat him alive. Mad props go to stuffing. More importantly the fine folks at Betty Crocker who came up with "Stove Top." Hands down the best stuffing, keep that recipe a secret guys. Like put in a vault or something. Lets give even more props to the Pilgrims and Indians who founded Thanksgiving. Without them, we'd have nothing to do on the 3rd Thursday of November. More importantly, without them we'd have no excuse for gorging ourselves on said stuffing and apple pie and pumpkin pie and turkey, etc. You guys have made us proud. Nicely done. Can I get a what, what, for Facebook. You Facebook-inventer guy have single handedly made me into an addict. Never did I think that I could ever leave Myspace, I just could never fathom a replacement. And then, you go and make Facebook available to EVERYONE. Not just college kids. And I am hooked. Way to keep the sketch factor low on that too, Facebook guy. You done good my friend, you done good. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and goodnight to all, and to all a goodnight!!

...I'mmmm gettin olllllder tooooo.....

2008-11-09T20:50:00.003-05:00

Everyone always complains about getting older and how awful it is. I'm sure it's not OPTIMAL to get old and feeble, but I also don't think it's as bad as everyone makes it out to be. For one, your hearing my not be as good as it was when you were a young whipper snapper. What's so wrong with this? Now you really CAN have selective hearing and not make any excuses for it. I'd love to not be able to hear nagging or if I was tired and didn't feel like talking anymore, I could just lay back and go to sleep in the middle of a conversation. My grandmother says what ever is on her mind to anyone who so much as bumps their cart into her in line at the grocery store. I'd love to be able to tell people off and not have to worry about them beating me up in the parking lot later. There's nothing worse than being scolded by a senior citizen in the check-out line. Our older counterparts aren't able to walk that fast. This allows them to take in more beauty of nature and their surroundings. They also have a higher awareness of danger. So, they are able to determine a speeder and pick out danger from miles away. I think we could all stand to have a slower pace of life. Maybe then there wouldn't be so many high strung drivers on the road, hmmm? Now, walking around Walmart tires me out. But I can't admit that publicly because I am young. even tho i just did. If I were older, not only would it be OK for me to get tired from the store, but I could come home and take a nap. Then I could have dinner and go to bed early because it was so exhausting. I really like shows like 60 minutes. At least there'd be people to talk about it with. 60 minutes isn't exactly "water cooler" friendly conversation as a young person. Plus, shows like that teach you so much. You don't really get that feeling after watching an episode of The Hills. It seems like the older we get the more socially acceptable it is to wear comfortable clothes like sweat suits and mismatched outfits. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this. I love sweats. I think it'd be great to not have to THINK about what you were going to wear that day. Or if you wanted to wear sweatpants and a sweat shirt with flip flops you can. All older people tend to LOVE sweets. I do too. But I have to keep trim. So, I don't have them very often. Sounds like a pretty good gig to eat a slice of cake or pie every night after dinner. You know most things in life that bring happiness are the little things. That's one thing that doesn't change no matter your age.

The Night Before Christmas

2008-11-04T19:43:00.002-05:00

The night before Christmas always gives me that butterflies in my tummy, anxious kind of feeling. Even now that I am 27. Now that I've admitted to the Universe that I am a huge dweeb, I'll proceed... On this election day, I have that same feeling. It's like I want to tell everyone "Good luck!" or "Go get 'em, Tiger!" Like it's some sporting event against a major rival. Ah! I could just burst. This is so exciting. And everyone's vote DOES matter. So, hopefully since the polls are now closed everyone did. In fact, I was so excited to vote all day. I had it all planned out: 6pm - Get Bean 6:15pm - Feed Bean 6:30pm - Bathe Bean 6:40pm - Leave to vote Of course it didn't go like that. It went more like: 6pm - Nana gets Bean 6:05pm - I get home from work 6:07pm - Nana gets home with Bean 6:10pm - 6:20pm - I'm eating a snack ( I was ravishing, OK!!) 6:20pm - 6:30pm - Bathe Bean 6:35pm - Leave to vote Ok not bad. But then I get to my polling location and I'm super excited and super nervous and they tell me "Your name is not in our system." Woah, bitch. Back up. I'm not waaaaa???? I present them with my I.D. and they go look me up in the "big computer," and lo and behold I'm not in there either. We finally realize that I am not in the system because I changed my address to Maryland when I was living there. Even though, when I moved back when I was gawd-knows-how-pregnant I got all my voting stuff taken care of with the DMV. So, I had to vote provisional. That just SOUNDS like "Your vote prolly won't get counted." Ugh. I am so frustrated!!!! Whores!!!! Moral of this story: All the more reason to hate DMV.

Spring Forward... Fall Back

2008-11-03T20:22:00.000-05:00

I love it when the time falls back. Extra sleep can benefit everyone. However, it is disorienting leaving work and having it be PITCH black. Who knew that 6pm is the new black! lololol. Today, I kept thinking "WOW! It's 11??!?! It sure does feel like Noon." lolololol. As I was driving down our hill, one of our neighbors up the street was having her dog POOP in our yard and was quickly walking away WITHOUT picking it up, as I was pulling into the driveway. She walked even faster when she realized that I saw her. It aint THAT dark, sweetheart. I've always wanted to spell "sweet" "sweat." Even tho the WORD "sweet" evokes visions of candy corn and CAKE; and "sweat" evokes visions of tube socks and eating contests.

Do's and Don'ts of Halloween

2008-11-01T00:14:00.002-04:00

Do: Dress up for Halloween. Wearing a costume is FUN! Don't: Wear a costume that people don't get. Like me. Tonight I went as a "Slutty Monk" and no one (except for the people I was meeting there) knew what I was. Do: Wear a random costume. Don't: Have that random costume be anything religious. These things apparently only go over well if you are under 2 years of age. Case and Point: Matthew and I wore the same costume. He got comments like "Oh my gosh! This is the best costume of the night!" I got comments like, "What are you? A sack of potatoes? With hooker boots?" Do: Meet new people at the party! Don't: Mention during conversation with these people that you have a kid. Apparently, it's a mood killer! Do: Play beer pong! Don't: Play beer pong sober ;o) Bottom line: What's cute on kids doesn't translate to adulthood and beer pong has lost it's luster. However, this may be because I was NEVER good at it.

Fear and Loathing in Suburban Richmond

2008-10-19T21:42:00.010-04:00

Fears: Death, spiders, bugs bigger than a crumb, heights without anything around me (i.e. cliffs), weed eaters Loathes: Knives, razor blades, scones, box cutters, washing cars, ironing. Whether these are legitimate or not is another blog. Erstwhile, enjoy this fun story: I'm practically blind you see haha get it, without my glasses or contacts. Without some sort of optical assistance I am a worthless individual - unless you need a blind friend to just sit somewhere for a few hours. Yesterday, I am in the bathroom without optical assistance. I feel something down at my foot. It's a black mass. I immediately think it's a spider. So. I panic and with my big toe slide/violently kick, it out of the way. OUCH. *(^&?> *&?>!@!D#!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glasses go on. Aw F an A! That wasn't a spider. It was my razor! And now the bottom of my big toe is missing its top layer of skin. Fannnntastic. Moral of that story: I need lasik. Here's another fun story: This is a picture of two of my most favorite people in the world. Jec-Jec and Jason they are brother and sister. As you can tell from the picture, these kids know how to have a good time. And as children they knew how to have a good time with knives. Yes. Very sharp knives. As a kid I was pretty much afraid of EVERYTHING. I was a total mini-momjeans. I even had the momjean glasses. No, I am not going to scan a picture of THAT. So, I was over playing at their house which was right next door to mines and getting ready to leave when they started taunting me with knives. "OOh are you afraid of this?" they'd say. "Yes! *loud scream*!" I'd reply. This little charade lasted a few more minutes until I bolted for the door. I think they chased/taunted me with knives pretty much every day for like a week long period. Until one day Jason started taunting Jec-Jec and then it wasn't so funny anymore. Moral of that story: If you want a salad with CHOPPED anything in it. You can make it yuns self!

Go On And Get You Some of These...

2008-10-15T22:08:00.010-04:00

I usually do not fall victim to carelessly spending money on purely season specific merchandise - for instance dishes that you would use ONLY at Christmas/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Flag Day time. However this Fall, there are few items that require lots of bandwagons, followed by lots of jumping on aforementioned bandwagons: Candy Corn Pumpkins Probably the closest thing to heaven. If Baby Jesus were able to endorse products he'd be all over these. See! There they are. In all their deliciousness, coated in a layer of delicious *sigh*. These, I'll have you know, are one of the main reasons why I look forward to going to work each day lately. OMG! I can't wait for tomorrow! Fall-ish flavored Beer. How delicious are these, guys? I look forward to colder months so that it's socially acceptable to drink darker ales. New Castle always has appeal. Because it's my FAVORITE. Ever. But New Castle in October/November/December is damn near perfect. Sam Adams has a full suite of Fall brews that are just as good as the next. Especially if you drink one of each all in one night, and then you can't really remember if they were good or bad, you just remember them not being Natty Light, and you smile to yourself. And then you remember that you're not in a Frat House that seems to never have toilet paper, ANYWHERE. And you smile even bigger. Hooker Boots. Yep. These are the essence of Fall and look great with skirts that fall to the knee or below or mini skirts if you're a whore. Or dressed as a whore for Halloween ;) Not to mention they are surprisingly comfy. Try some on next time you're at DSW. I think you'll become a fan too. And ladies, you have to admit, we all have a lil, tiny, bit of whore in us somewhere that needs to get out every now and again. These are the perfect way to let her get out and mingle without running the risk of contracting something or getting yourself preggers. Pumpkins. Make great, inexpensive center pieces and just scream FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Not to mention they serve other purposes as well. Such as: being super good for you, cooking up the seeds and munching on them, and providing endless hours of entertainment for people who enjoy weilding knives and have a steady hand. Personally, I love how they look on people's front stoops. You can always tell how many people are in the family by how many pumpkins are on the stairs. And you can always tell the pumpkin that the lil kids picked out. 9 times outta 10 they are all banged up and mangey lookin. Classic. Corn Mazes.Who wouldda thunk that these could provide such entertainment... For adults. I think in our old age we love to solve things. I know I single handedly feel as though I can solve all the world crisis'; which has nothing to do with my being stubborn and everything to do with my being right :) Which is why corn mazes are so great when you go with kids. Since we are older and therefore wiser they have to follow us. If not for the sole purpose that fun can turn to panic in 5 seconds, when they get lost in the corn maze and have some interaction with the scarecrow. Back to the point, they have to listen to you and you are always right. Your way is always the right way when it comes to the corn maze, even if you are wrong. They'll just think you "got really lucky" and "get to try it out again"...Yay!

Politicks

2008-10-08T22:14:00.004-04:00

With emphasis on the "-ticks." As in what "ticks" me off, about politics. First of all let me give a little background about my positioning on politics. I'm not a very political person. Meaning, it's not part of my being to be entrenched in the latest political happenings. For the most part I find them all to be liars and smarmy and rarely get anything done that they say they will. And the ones that do get things done, it's usually because of other people in their cabinet or being in the right place at the right time; earstwhile they are still lying and still being smarmy. I agree with a lot of the liberal points of view, but I lean more towards being considered a conservative if push comes to shove. That being said. What happened to having formidable Presidential candidates? Is it so much to ask that we have QUALIFIED, inherently GOOD people running for candidacy to run OUR country? Who have the interest of our COUNTRY at heart and not winning votes or gaining the support of Hollywood, and not changing their stance every other TV interview? Apparently, yes. It is. I think our forefathers would be APPALLED at not only the way our country is being run today, but the candidates we have to choose from. You know it's bad when people - smart, well educated people mind you - are SERIOUSLY considering the fact that if Jon Stewart and Tina Fey were to run for President and VP that they'd do a better job than either candidate in the running today. That's flat out sad. But the sad truth none-the-less.

WARNING! Proceed with Caution!

2008-10-03T21:48:00.003-04:00

What's more dangerous than a working escalator, is a broken one. Have you ever encountered this? Do you feel my pain? Literally? This applies for the up and down broken escalators. When they are working properly the danger is getting your foot or shoe lace caught in the motor. When they are not working properly the danger is falling flat on your face due to the optical illusion the escalator stairs create. First of all the first few steps make you stupid. They are like quarter's of a step, this throws off your whole stepping flow. Next thing you know you are looking down at your feet the whole time, holding onto the railing and taking each step like you're a 4 year old - two feet at a time. Second, the height of each escalator stair is horribly inconvenient. It's too high. And when you look down at the next step it looks shorter than it is. Further throwing you off. Or spraining your ankle. Take your pick. The easy fix for all this is to have a mandate that escalators aren't allowed to exist. They serve a horrible purpose. Not only are they a tease for the handicapped, those in/pushing strollers, the morbidly obese and hugely pregnant people who can't see their feet; but when they break they are inconvenient to everyone! In cases such as these, it forces people to use the store's sketchy elevator that's not supposed to work that hard. Said elevator is tucked away in a corner that smells of urine and the whole time to go up one flight mind you you're wondering if you're going to make it out alive. This concludes safety 101.

Hello My Name Is...

2008-09-30T21:35:00.003-04:00

In the spirit of Halloween it's October! I thought I would share a quirky story from my childhood. Once upon a time in the happening town of Midlothian, Virginia, there lived a five year-old girl. She was very quirky and opinionated who me?? and had a VERY vivid imagination. For Halloween that year this little girl decides she wants to be a Cabbage Patch Kid. Complete with creepy plastic mask and plastic "dress." cute. To get in the full spirit of being this Cabbage Patch Kid she decides to name herself "Shelia." Sheila, though, couldn't be going around on Halloween night without a sidekick! So, she names the pumpkin that she was going to be trick-or-treating with "Ecstasy." What? Come again. Yes. Ecstasy. And there you have the reason why I am not alarmed when Bean points to knots in the wood on the cabinets and thinks that they are "Jaaaaaaaaaaah!" as in "Jack" the dog.

A straight up Two-fer

2008-09-28T21:33:00.004-04:00

A two-fer is a two-for-one deal. Fine, BOGO if you prefer to be hip and with it. Today is a two-fer because you, Reader, are getting TWO bloggings for the price of ONE. I've mentioned before about how I have the greatest friends in the history of the entire solar system and milky way and Continental United States of America. Well, one of my most dearest is Mrs. Bear. She is the kind of friend that doesn't come around but every one in 9,000,000 years. So you know that when you find one like her it's a real gem and you have to be sure to hold on tightly. Mrs. Bear recently had a birthday. She turned the age that starts with a 3 and ends with a 0. But you would never tell it by looking at her. She doesn't look a day over 22. Not only is she young and gorgeous, but, she can be counted on for the following:

enjoying a cupcake
coming to any social function
being a wonderful support system
loving you to pieces
being the best friend possible
encouraging you to push yourself
always being there to listen
a visit
making you laff (even though she thinks she's not funny... she so is... check out her blog!)
stepping in and being the "dad" when you need a Lamaze class partner
Driving 2 hours at Midnight to make it for the birth of Bean

That's a pretty great friend huh?

Hotel, Mo-tel, Holiday Innnnnnnnn...

2008-09-28T21:19:00.003-04:00

I'm a huge fan of hotel's. Mostly because they bring back tons of nostalgia from childhood. Since I know you are craving a math problem it'd go something like this: HOTELS=vacation+late nights+eating lots of sugar (exploring new cities+HBO). Now that I am an adult the equation looks like this: HOTELS=King beds+Not having to make bed (Someone makes your bed for you+Continential Breakfast). Once Bean was able to process the fact that he was indeed in a new "house" and I was not going to leave him, even he was able to enjoy the hotel. So much so that he slept until 8:30 this morning. I don't think you heard me 8:30. 8:30. This NEVER happens. He's a 5:30 kinda guy. Be it Tuesday or Saturday. Moral of this story... We need to do more traveling.

Really? A FULL days serving of fruits AND vegetables???

2008-09-20T14:35:00.006-04:00

So, V8 came out with this juice V8 Fuision, I don't know... a while back, I guess. Below you will see MY favorite flavor StrawberryBanana. I'm suspect on two counts:

It's delicious. Especially the Strawberry/Banana. But I have to ask myself - how can this BE?!? Reason being, the whole deal with this Fusion concept is that it has fruits and veggies in it. Welp, you tell me what VEGETABLE would taste good mixed with strawberries and bananas. Exactly.
It has a full days serving of fruits and vegetables in one 8oz glass. Ok. WTF. How? And if that's the case, how come it's not sold out on the shelves??? Oh. Duh, that's right. Probably because people don't think strawberry and banana mixed with a GARDEN SALAD would taste very good. Got it.

But, that being said. I've totally bought into it. The V8 empire has made a fan outta me with this Fusion business. I'll tell you what though. That s**t tastes a lot better than the reduced sodium regular V8 juice I usually drink. So, what I've learned from my own post is that garden salad mixed with strawberries and bananas really WOULD taste good!

Haaaaay, Muffin! How YOU Doin???

2008-09-16T22:55:00.006-04:00

I love muffins. Especially blueberry. No, no, no. Especially the TOPs of blueberry muffins. That's where my true love for muffins lie. The bottom part of a muffin makes me a lil P-O-ed. Reason being, after you peel away the paper along with 80% of your muffin you have a mangy, hot mess of a something that looks like it was ONCE a blueberry muffin. AND! The ONLY way to get your muffin off the paper is to eat it off the paper. If you are doing this at work, without fail at this very moment, a coworker will approach your desk. My suggestion, is to quickly pull the paper out of your mouth, and right away mention how you love to work out, even if you don't, and how in kindergarten you were totally the fastest kid ever, and they won't think twice about your total fatty moment. Don't worry, they do it too. It's practically a muffin law. Right after the first muffin law, founded by our forefathers of eating the muffin top first. Bad wig optional.

Jorts are for Momjeans' and Momjeans' ONLY!!

2008-09-12T21:34:00.006-04:00

I got another e-mail and a wink from a Hatch.com fellow. Yay! Right? No, Boo! First of all it took me forever to translate the acronyms that he spoke in he must have done the whole place-an-ad-in-the-paper-thing before. Second, well see below, I've put my comments in bold. Here's the e-mail: Hello! My name is ____, I was surfing the ads here at Hatch when I came across yours. After looking at your profile, I wanted to write to say "Hi" and introduce myself. I think we might possibly be compatible. Already, I can tell you we are not compatible. So, to start things off I thought I'd tell you a little about me. Please don't. Let's see, I'm a DWM Whaaaaaaa? who turned 40 this past April. WHAAAAAAAA??? I've already checked out at this point. I stand 5' 11" tall, with short brown hair, bright blue eyes, and I'm often told a very nice smile. :) Oh, so your smile sucks. I'm D/D WTF? free and physically I'm in good shape. Really? Your picture suggests otherwise. I have a good job, my own home, and I like to think I basically have my life together. All I'm really missing is a wonderful woman to share my life with. So, you're the clingy, stalker type. Cute. I have MANY interests and hobbies! Way too many to mention them all now. But a short list of some of the things I like would include: hiking, biking, camping, fishing, snow skiing, anything that can be done in the water - especially scuba diving, reading, computers, horseback riding, rollerskating, putt putt, bowling, traveling, movies, dancing, music - all types, but my favorite is oldies from the 50's and 60's, cooking, motorcycles, museums, and amusement parks. See, there really isn't too much I don't enjoy. Basically I like anything that puts a smile on my face! :) So, you have no backbone essentially. You'll do anything I want. Great. Lucky me. I placed my ad here at Match because I was hoping to find a nice, caring, warm hearted woman with a really great sense of humor. Ha! After this post I'm hardly "warm hearted." I'm hoping to find someone who values truth and honesty as much as I do. Life is just too short for anything else. So, now you know a little more about me. I hope I haven't scared you off or put you to sleep at your keyboard. Please write back and tell me more about you. You've scared me off, put me to sleep and I'm not going to write you back. Until then, I hope you have a great day. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you! Take care, _________:) What 40 year old man uses a smiley face? He'd be perfect if I were a Momjeans, because he's clearly a Jorts kind of guy. Jorts for those who don't know is best defined in the urban dictionary: Jean shorts. Worn mostly by children and douchebags. Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like. If you wear jorts, you probably don't talk to girls. Case and point, last bold sentence! Here's a visual for your Friday night enjoyment:

alli is not your Ally

2008-09-09T21:52:00.004-04:00

alli as it's spelled, kitschy, huh? is not only a horrible drug it comes complete with equally horrible commericals, logos and side effects. alli calls itself the "weight loss program for healthy weight loss." Uhhh... OK. This is true if by "healthy" you mean s***ing your pants uncontrollably. No lie. This "weight loss" drug can cause "oily spotting, loose stools and hard-to-control stools" if you exceed your fat grams for that day. I translate that to mean no birthday cake. Ever. Who would want to live in that kind of hell??? Note: I live for birthday cake along with Mrs. Bear. Icing is the greatest creation next to Purell hand sanitizer... in the history of ever. I could never take a pill of any kind that requires me to bring a change of clothes to work because I may s**t myself: laffing too hard, getting too frustrated at my computer, or walking into a meeting. One woman had this to say, "I’m thinking that infant diapers might be a cheaper way to go, just use them as a large pad.” Yuck! Diapers are expensive enuff for Bean. I'm not about to wear them too. That'd be something a total Momjeans would do. I'm a little disappointed in those who turn to diet pills to solve their weight woes. Our country relies too heavily on drugs/medicine to solve our problems when really, what would help the most are incorporating healthy lifestyle changes, such as:

Taking the stairs
Parking farther away from the door in parking lots
Controlling portion sizes
Drinking more water
Even just going for a stroll around the neighborhood for 15 mins a day is better than not doing anything.

It's so inspiring to read in health magazines, real-people stories of how they lost 100 lbs the old fashioned way -- eating right and exercise. 90% of the time these people got into an exercise routine by barely being able to make it around a track. But they stuck with it and they started to see results and before they knew it they were down 20 lbs and able to walk 1 mile, then 2, then 3. With each mile came more weight loss. THEY have so much to be proud of, AND they don't have to worry about the worst kind of wardrobe malfunction. Ever.

Welp, Virginity's taken ... New & Exciting First Times In the Life of Nonmomjeans!

2008-09-08T22:36:00.012-04:00

There have been quite a few firsts of note around town lately. Err, first, is Bean celebrated his FIRST birthday! Go Bean! This is remarkable, mostly because he's 14 months now and I have yet to horribly mess him up in some way in my previous life, I couldn't NOT mess up important things. Mrs. Bear took this great picture of Bean soaking up the lime light. Usually, when you have a child, you get their hairs cut sometime after the lauded first birthday. I loved his curly, long hair because he looked like a baby still. But, he was starting to look manegy. And like a surfer dude. It was time. So, I took him to a great lil place called Pigtails & Crewcuts and they did a fabulous job on making him look like teeeeenagerrrr! Here he is: Whilst adorable, he looks very grown up. And, might I add, he has a sassy new 'tude to go along with that 'do. Next is that Victoria Beckham and I, now have something in common. Oh hush! No! It's not that we wear the same size clothes! It's that we now have the same haircut! This is what my hair looks like now: K? Now picture it with brown instead of platinum blonde. K? Now, also picture that without the made-up-ness and the annorexia. After that you have my new 'do! I'll try and take a picture to provide a better visual. It's so short I'm still getting used to it in the shower. It's weird not having all that hair to warsh yes that was intentional because that's how I pronounce it. I'm getting a Green Belt! No, I'm not mastering the art of Tae Kwon Do. I'll stick to running thank-you-very-much. In work environments, there are process engineering tactics that can be put into place to make sure the company and it's employees are running at top performance or at Six Sigma. Often times you can use a Six Sigma process if you encounter a problem with the way a certain process at work is going. In that case, the company would use a person with a Master Black Belt to solve the problem, which is the ultimate goal. So, I am starting out on my way to a Black Belt. If and only if I get through the Green Belt first. It involves statistics and me and math are about a cute a pair as Bill O'Reilly and Hillary Clinton. We just don't mix well. Also, I'm probably down to one reader, due to my lack of posting hi Mrs. Bear! So, I hope you enjoyed this posting!

Yearbookyourself.com

2008-08-29T22:24:00.032-04:00

Hands down the funnest experience you'll have downloading pictures of yourself. The pictures speak for themselves. Enjoy! 1950's: 1960's: 1970's: 1980's: 1990's:

"You're Breaking Up...Can You Hear Me Now?"

2008-08-29T13:09:00.007-04:00

No, friends, this isn't a blog about Verizon Wireless. This happens to be a phrase that was used far too many times during communication with a very BAD date I just had through a certain popular on-line dating site that rhymes with "hatch.com." That should've been the tip off right there. There's something to be said for people posting accurate pictures of themselves. Like this one, for instance, of me: This is exactly how I look on a non-rainy day. In which case, I look more like this: He on the other hand looked nothing like his picture. Oh...you mean you wear glasses!?! Oh...you're BALD!?! Oh...you're not ATHLETIC as you appeared to be in your HATCH.COM picture?!? Your picture shows you with no mention of glasses, hair and looking quite average. Note to readers: I'm fine with average. I'm average. I'm not fine with misrepresenting yourself. Liars. *sigh* Luckily, there were a few glimmers of silver lining in this date:

It was a lunch date
It was a lunch date at Olive Garden
It was a lunch date at Olive Garden and we both ordered things that were brought out FAST
It was a lunch date at Olive Garden and we both ordered things that were brought out FAST and we took no longer than an hour THANK YOU BABY JESUS
It was a lunch date at Olive Garden THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN IN THE HISTORY OF EVER

Readers beware of men wearing these glasses: http://www.ray-ban.com/USA/

My Wish...

2008-08-23T12:15:00.005-04:00

Those who know me best, know that I love rap music and that I'd like to be a rapper if I could. Therefore, my wish is that if I could be a rapper I'd be Ludacris. So, ummm, there really isn't much more to say than that... But, seeing as this is a blog, and you're here reading it, I'll take the liberty to elaborate. Obviously, his Mom & Dad didn't name him Ludacris. Come on. This clever fellow came up with that on his own. They just helped lay groundwork for what would come to be one of the best rap names out there. Ludacrous in the dictionary means eccentric. His real name is Christopher Bridges. I'm a sucker for puns. Now, I'm not a big fan of spelling Chris "Cris" but that's a minor speed bump that I'm willing to over look. I'd imagine since we are on the same wave length, him and I, that he gave himself a certain number of letters that could be in his rap name and adding the "h" would ruin the whole equation. My man Luda as he likes to be called broke away from the hard core gangsta rap scene early. He has an education from Georgia State University and due to his stint as a DJ he knows what the people want: infectious beats and good lyrics that you can UNDERSTAND. This makes him one of the only rappers aside from Nelly who you can karaoke to. Luda doesn't get caught up in the rap world tit-for-tat battle, pulling guns out and starting something with other rappers. He includes guns and glocks in his rhymes but that's part of the deal, you see. Comes with territory if you will. I think this is because he's too busy garnering awards and collaborating with artists like Kylie Minogue, Alicia Keys and Mary J. Blige. Another big plus for Luda is that he doesn't have an affinity for young girls and peeing on them kudos, Luda, kudos. When he's interviewed he always sounds intelligent and doesn't mumble . You may remember or not that Oprah dissed him on her show when she had the cast of Crash on for winning the Best Picture OSCAR. I love Oprah but this was rude of her: she was interviewing the cast and when she got to him, decided to ask about his rap lyrics instead of about his part in the movie. I'd imagine his feelings were quite hurt. She later issued an apology and he handled the situation with aplomb pretty good SAT word there huh? And I used it while talking about a rapper!. Luda has a penchant for dressing nicely and has evolved over the years into a more classy look. This could be due to him winning an OSCAR for Best Picture in Crash. Not to mention his 3 Grammy wins and 12 nominations. don't you feel like you KNOW him now!

Adolescence does not = Late Twenties

2008-08-22T07:54:00.003-04:00

I'm a new 27; meaning I just turned it in March. As a 27 year-old, you expect certain things that you experienced in your wretched 13, 14, 15 stage to be over. O-V-E-R. Apparently, though I'm going through a bit of regression. Here's what I'm experiencing:

Acne. My face looks like I've just hit puberty. It's like a lil mine field. Especially the foreheadular area. At first I thought it was due to not washing my make-up off before I exercise. Because when I exercise I sweat a lot. No, no I don't think you heard me A LOT. I've started washing my face before I exercise now and I'm not seeing noticable results. I'm going to go ahead and blame this on what all women get the joy to blame things on: Hormones. Girls go ahead and hurry up and regulate yourselves. I don't LIKE acne. Kay?!?
Bad Hair. There's no freaking excuse for this. When you're in your adolescence everyone has bad hair, because your hands are still too little to manipulate a hair brush AND a blow-dryer. In your late 2o's it's expected that you've had MANY years to profect this craft and therefore bad hair days, everyday is uncalled for. I want to blame my hair dresser but I don't think it's his fault. I think it's just me doing something wrong. Horribly and frightfully wrong. Perhaps I will conduct and experiment and switch shampoo/conditioner.
No rear-end. I don't have a butt. I was hoping that after having Bean, I'd have a nice healthy rump to shake around. Butt, har! I don't. In fact most adolescents don't either. So, my backside is regressing also. That's not good. My Mom has a great butt. I didn't get those genes apparnetly. My best bud Jec-Jec has a great rear too. We lived next-door to each other for 19 years, you'd think some of those butt genes would've leaped over the driveway. I'm running and walking hills like you wouldn't believe to try and get a rear end. Maybe by the time I'm 30 I'll be there and won't look like a little boy in the butt department.
No boyfriend. As an adolescent most of us were too awkward to have boyfriends. Some of us were even still playing with Barbies and dolls in adolescence. Since there's not much sexier than playing with dolls, some of us didn't have boyfriends until college. We might have noticed boys but for the most part in early adolescence boys still had kooties. Apparently, the tides have turned and IIIIII have kooties. I don't play with dolls anymore! I really don't! I mean if you consider Bean a doll, then ya, I guess I do. But seriously. No Barbies. No dolls. No kooties!!!!

So, hopefully, this akward post-adolescent stage will come an abrupt halt soon. It's getting me all worked up and whatnot! And not in a good way.

Beijing 2008 - My overall thoughts and feelings and yes, issues

2008-08-18T22:50:00.005-04:00

I, for one, love the Olympics. Especially the Summer ones. Favorite events include: Swimming, Diving, Rowing, Gym-nice-tics and Track & Field. Another favorite is looking at the incredible bodies these athletes possess. It's amazing to me to have THAT much muscle on one human being. Talk about pushing your body to it's LIMIT. But that's neither here nor there. What I don't like about the Olympics are: the time difference, commercials, and the commentators. OMG. They are awful. They make "pulling an achilles tendon" sound as if the superhumaniod/athlete was a.) a horrible human being, and a let down to the 9 Billion people who are there watching you not to mention the billions of people watching on TV and b.) that they are the worst athlete in their sport EVER. No hope for them what-so-ever. I don't think they like anyone whose name doesn't start with Michael and end in Phelps. Even poor lil Shawn Johnson who did amazing for a 16 year-old sixxxxteeeennnnnn!!! and placed Silver in the women's all around gymnastics final, is asked questions like "How does it feel to come in second, to not win the gold, to pretty much suck at life at 16????" Of course every athlete's goal is to get gold. Duh. But come on BOB COSTAS, a Silver medal, being the SECOND BEST athlete in their sport in the ENTIRE WORLD isn't so bad either. And for the record, BOB, nice toupee.

Myrtle Beach Vacation: The Last Day and Trip Home

2008-08-13T23:09:00.018-04:00

Act 3, Scene 1: Friday, was our last full day in Myrtle. It was hot, but not nearly as hot as it had been. Dad and JCD went to play 9 holes of golf and Nanny & Pop wanted to sit out on the porch. GF went to the gym and Michael wanted to hang out at the pool or fiddle around on the computer. So, Mom, Bean and I decided to go back to the Tanger Outlets and do a lil shopping. What a successful shopping trip. I never have luck at outlet malls but this one was top notch. We found some great purchases. After our successful excursion we wanted to go down to the beach; and enjoy the nice day with the waves. Bean loved the ocean he would just charge towards it. This was a lot scary because we always had to keep a close eye on him.Dad was really good about helping him ride the waves. He thought that was the best thing ever. Playing with/eating the sand was also a hit. Pop came down to the beach with us, so I got this great picture of all 4 of the male generations. I got a great one of Pop and Mom too... Nanny wasn't able to come down to the beach with us, so she observed from the balcony. Here's a good picture of me and Bean, they are few and far between so I have to glean every one that I can! Lookit how dirty we were after our day at the beach! This was taken in the hallway on our way to get showered and then go out for Italian at a great pizzaria called Geno's. Yep. That's right Geno's with an "e" instead of an "i." If that's not thinking out of the proverbal "box" I don't know what is. After dinner we packed up what we could and hit the hay, for our 7:30am wake-up call Saturday morning. *sigh* Act 3, Scene 2: So, we wake up at 7:30am, pack up the rest of our things and make plans to go to Bob Evans for breakfast. Check out wasn't until 9am. So, we leave our toothbrushes out and decide to come back for bathroom brakes and teethbrushing, then check out. This was a great decision because for many i.e. our family Bob Evans = colon cleansing. Not only that, but it really brings out the red necks. We saw one girl who looked like she belonged at the nearest titty bar. And I hate the word titty and any variation of it so you know she looked bad if that's the word I use to describe her. Here's Bean lookin cool in shades in the Bob Evans parking lot.After we were all checked out and the last few things were packed we broke into our travel configurations. For the trip back the Corolla had Me, MBD and Bean; SUV had Mom, JCD and GF and Le Sabre had Dad, Pop & Nanny. Bean hit the hay relatively quickly. Here, is a picture of me and MBD in the front seat from the windsheild's perspective. We saw some great billboards while traveling through SC into NC. Like this one made to look like a wine glass.This one I don't understand. Golf doesn't strike me as a particularly vicious sport. How these "big cats" make their golf course good, or even attractive for avid golfers, is lost on me. Now, I find this next one to be hilarious. The tag line "Cozy Landing Ahead," is for a Hampton Inn at/or near, a Medical Park. Hmm. Doesn't sound so "cozy," all of a sudden, huh? You'll note in the picture below that Bean is in a different outfit from the one he started the trip in. This is because he did a huge job in his pants and it went all over his little legs and car seat and outfit. Thankfully, I packed this one in his diaper bag. So, we pulled over to the nearest non run down gas station and took care of business. We were clear sailing after that. We figured it was from all the sand and salt water he presumably swallowed. Poor lil muffin-head. This plane is worth noting because it was very low flying for a good 5 minutes or so. Soon after we saw it, a cop car appeared right behind us. Lo and behold, it was one of those "Speed monitored by aircraft" planes. I never thought they existed. But apparently they do. And no, none of us were pulled over for speeding.Once we got into Northern NC, almost VA the traffic was completely stopped. Apparently, this was due to a fatal motorcycle accident. Everyone on 95N put their cars into park and got out and milled around, eventually the cops allowed traffic to pass. Luckily, it was gorgeous out and not rainy/hot. We hit one other spot of traffic on the ride home, making it the longest 6 hour trip in history. It took a restless 8 or so hours to get home. All, in all this was a great vacation. I was so grateful to be able to go with the family this year. With this much excitement in Myrtle Beach, I can't wait to see what next year holds! Byebye for now!

Myrtle Beach: The Guts of the Vacation

2008-08-12T22:36:00.009-04:00

Act 2: Scene 1 On Saturday, August 2 my Dad's second to youngest sister Aunt J and Uncle R and my cousins also arrived in Myrtle Beach. They traveled from Jersey so they were pooped. And after our wretched K&W experience we were too disgruntled to congregate. We made plans to go out to dinner Sunday night and then come back to our condo. Sunday during the day was filled with keeping Bean occupied and away from the balcony... And going down to the beach and the pool. We enjoyed the pool a lot, it came with a lazy river! However, the river wasn't that lazy. It was pretty fast moving. Walking against the current was a nice thighular area work out. Later that night we decided to meet up with Aunt J and Uncle R and fam and go to Carrabbas for dinner. Talk about yum. Lots of food, wine, carbs and overall goodness was consumed here. That's Mom and Bean. Note the happy faces on both of them, a far cry from the previous night's nonplused experience. Here are the relatives Aunt J and Uncle R and their beautiful family Lets not forget Nanny & Pop... Looking happy and cute And here's my family! This is a typical family photo for us, someone has their eyes closed, some people aren't smiling, Bean is always distracted, and no matter how good my hair looks at the start of the night it's always frizzed for "photo op hour." Mom always manages to look great though. *sigh* What can you do? After dinner we came back to our condo and played Scrabble. That was the overarching theme... Good food, followed quickly by Scrabble. A perfect vaycay if you ask me. Scene 2 Monday we spent more time at the beach and lazy river. We always had breakfast and lunch at the condo and then would get together with Aunt J and her fam later for dinner and/or afterwards fun. Monday night we ordered in, BBQ and Ribs from Sticky Fingers. What a great name of a restaurant and very fitting and very good. Yep, we played Scrabble afterwards and had various movies playing the background. Family milling around, sounds of waves crashing from out on the balcony, it was a great night. Scene 3 Again, more with the beach and pool. This day was a scorcher. My Dad and brother JCD went to play golf regardless of the disgustingness outside. Brother MBD and GF stayed at the condo and went to the pool. Mom, Bean, Nanny & Pop and I went for a drive into Myrtle Beach and South Myrtle Beach. There's so much new growth and new resorts going up. They were so neat to look at. Not to mention the GORGEOUS beach houses that are on the ocean. I love to drive along and look at houses. For lunch that day we got Wendy's. Very beach-esque, I know. Aunt J and her family went out for mani/pedis and shopping and had a late lunch; because of this we had dinner just our family. Nanny & Pop wanted to go out for an early dinner this night too. So, we decided to go out for Mexican. It was delicious. I got a really spicy chicken dish that made my tongue blister it was so hot! Afterwards we met up with the cousins for a game of Mayday Mini Golf. It was hot and not as much fun as it sounded earlier in the evening. We were happy to be back home in AC! Scene 4 Wednesday was more of the same... Beach, pool. However, we also scoped out the outlet mall down the road, Tanger Outlets. They had some great stores. Bean was super fussy though and was protesting a nap so I didn't try anything on but made note of the stores to come back to. That night we had Thai take-out for dinner. Oh man, talk about yum. We ordered from a place called ENoodles and got a bunch of different dishes and shared them all. Only a few bites were left over. This was followed by more Scrabble and more movies. Scene 5 Thursday was Aunt J and Uncle R and fam's last night in Myrtle Beach. To make it special we made reservations to go out to a local Irish Pub that was supposed to be fantastic, Molly Darcy's. It was fantastic if by fantastic you mean over-priced and smokey. The salmon and Blue Moon were stellar though. The smoke and thunderstorm that happened while we were there was not. Afterwards, we came back to our place and played more Scrabble while watching Catch Me If You Can, SUCH a great movie. Rent it if you haven't seen it, you won't be disappointed. I'm not a big Leo DiCaprio fan, but he was great in this. My Aunt J is an avid Scrabble-er. She's a member of the International Scrabble something-or-other Association. Hard core, huh? I was on my own Scrabble team this night, and I came in second to Aunt J of course. I was very pleased. All that Scrabble had sure payed off! Tomorrow concludes the Myrtle Beach in Three Acts installment! I know I slacked on pictures, but tomorrow will make up for it... Lots more pictures to come!

Myrtle Beach Vacation... In Three Acts

2008-08-11T23:09:00.017-04:00

Act 1: The first day, Saturday, August 2 My family and I went to Myrtle Beach, SC for our vacation this summer. If you ever have the opportunity to go, go. There's so much to do and the beach is perfect and the waves are never offensive. Here's a peek at our first day. We took three cars down to Myrtle: the Corolla consisted of Me, my brother MBD and Bean; the Le Sabre carried Mom, Nanny and Pop; the SUV toted Dad, JCD and JCD's GF. Each car was stuffed to the gills with baggage and fun. Our car was the funnest one, of course, if you were a fly on the wall this is what you'd see The ride down was great, MBD was great company. It went fast too, mostly because my lead foot enjoyed the speed limit Once we got into SC I had to use the bathroom BAD! Everyone thought it'd be a good idea to stop at a run down gas station. The whole place was so gross, the bathroom looked as if one too many truckers got serviced by hoes and oddly enough there was a line to use said bathroom. Nasty. Here I am coming back to the car *note smile is due to almost being at destination* Needless to say, bathing in Purel occurred soon after this picture was taken. Not long after this we arrived at our resort, Mar Vista Grande, it's actually located in North Myrtle Beach, there's not as much traffic and newer resorts. We stayed in the Penthouse on the 15th floor, which I wasn't too pleased with. The only differentiator from what I can tell are the high ceilings, which I could live without. The only redeeming factor was the incredible balcony view of the ocean. Here's what our place looked like from the ocean We were all pretty tired once we arrived and unpacked the cars, so we decided to go to K&W Cafeteria. This was because my grandparents couldn't stop talking about it. Apparently, 20 or so years ago it was EXCELLENT. Now, however, it's so stale and greasy that we vowed and the grandparents agreed to never go back. The only good thing about it was Bean's high chair, it had wheels on the bottom and I pushed him really fast up and down the aisles, he loved it. The nonplused look on his face sums up our K&W experience. Here we are in front of K&W, thought I'd capture this so we can look back on it any time we need to make ourselves throw up This concludes our drive down/first day, hope it was a good one! Stay tuned for Act 2 tomorrow! Nighty, night :)

So much to do, so little time....

2008-07-31T23:36:00.004-04:00

My family and I leave for vacation on Saturday at approximately 9am. We will be gone a week and it will be the most glorious week ever. However, before Saturday, i.e. Friday, there is just so much to do, that there simply aren't enough hours to accommodate. Here's what my Day looks like: Friday, August 1, 2008 To Do List: 1.) Go to work 2.) Somehow focus on work whilst at work 3.) Pick up Bean from day care 4.) Play with Bean 5.) Feed Bean 5.5) Somehow manage to administer medicine to Bean. This makes escaping from Alcatraz look easy. 6.) Give Bean a bath 7.) Put Bean to bed 8.) Iron clothes *shudder* 9.) Pack the rest of Bean's things for vacation: toys, toilettries, medicine, flotation devices 10.) Somehow pack for myself 11.) Go to Jec-Jec's birthday party must arrive before 10pm Uh. Not. Keep in mind that from #3 to #11 I have only 4 hours to accomplish all the tasks. I feel like I'm on a bad reality TV show!

27 going on 88

2008-07-30T23:25:00.004-04:00

I somehow twisted a few muscles in my lower back. And boy, am I in pain. I don't usually complain about much that hurts but this, this is miserable. Just leaning over to wash my hands hurts. I'm sure it has something to do with my nonexistent core muscles, also known as abs. Ugh. I have to get better about doing abs. But they are my absolute least favorite thing to do. I feel like after doing cardio for an hour that that should suffice. Perhaps it can also be attributed to the fact that I don't lift weights. My excuse there is that I lift Bean who is 26 lbs, a lot. That MUST be better than 3 sets of 12!?!?! So, sounds like I have my work cut out for me to prevent this from happening again: 1.) strengthen abs 2.) lift weights 3.) stretch more I'll check back in on this topic in a month and we'll see where I'm at!

Cute vs. Pretty vs. Beautiful vs. Hot

2008-07-29T21:53:00.004-04:00

What deems people to be classified in these categories? Which one is the best and which one is the most insulting? Different women/men will have differing opinions. Whilst they are all better than being called ugly/fugly/hideous, depending on the context they are used in, however, they can be slightly insulting. Lets dig in. Cute So, when I hear a guy describe a girl as "cute", I think of a short, petite, attractive but not strikingly so, gal. Conversely, when I hear a girl call a guy this, I think of a handsome, fit, and tall guy. If a celebrity were to fall into this category immediately Kate Hudson pops into my head and for the male contingent I think of Uncle Jessie. However, being called cute can also be the most annoying "compliment" ever. What the hell does it mean???!!!??? We don't look like a teddy bear and we aren't 5! So, what gives?!? Maybe Webster can help. Let me consult: 1.attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment. 2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms. Hmm. Both refer to children in the description. Case and point. Pretty I feel that this is the most insulting of the categories to be lumped into. I get the sense that it means you are OK to look at but are pretty much dead behind the eyes. Not a lot going for you. Maybe you have an attractive face but the rest of you is hurting or vice versa. I wouldn't want to be called pretty. Pretty, as in what? A good example of a celebrity gal would be Kim Kardashian and male, Jean Claude Van Damme. Neither one of these people strike me as being the total package and, I think, would be suuuuuper boring to talk to. Webster says: 1.pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy or gracefulness: a pretty face. 2.(of things, places, etc.) pleasing to the eye, esp. without grandeur. Again. Case closed. Beautiful In my opinion, this is the highest honor to bestow upon someone. It denotes that they are the total package: attractive, good personality, a nice physique, etc. They take care of themselves, in other words. What girl doesn't love to hear from her boyfriend, "You look beautiful tonight," or, "To me you are the most beautiful girl in the world." Whether they mean it or not, it's nice to hear and makes you feel on top of the world. The male equivalent to this would be handsome... gentlemanly, nice, attractive, good physique etc. Beautiful celebrities include: Jennifer Connelly and Christian Bale aka My Husband. Lets see if Webbie agrees: 1.having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech. 2.Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight. Yep. He concurs. Hot This is a backhanded compliment. It preeeetty much means that you are seen as a piece of meat. You'd be good for a one-night stand and it stops and ends there. Or you are so attractive that men only fantasize about you but wouldn't dare take you home to meet Mom & Dad. These guys and girls are totally unattainable by anyone than other "Hots." The perfect celebrity example would be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Perfect. Or Fergie and Josh Duhamel. A fantasy person essentially. They exude so much sex appeal you can feel it. These guys and girls move FAST. If you are Hot and you cheat on your significant other, it's with another Hot. Webster says: Slang.

a.	sexually aroused; lustful.

b.	sexy; attractive.

Again, case and point. These are merely my opinions. A coworker brought up the topic the other day and got me thinking. Now, I'm sure many people who have been called any, or all, of the categories were pleased to be classified as such. However, after personally being called any or all of these throughout the years, you realize which ones have meaning and which ones are meaningless. Again, all are better than being called ugly or But-her-face pronounced Butterface.

Virginia isn't only for Lovers....

2008-07-28T22:31:00.004-04:00

It's also for college enthusiasts. Allow me to explain. Virginians love college. More importantly they love to advertise their love of their particular college on shirts, hats, flip flops and sometimes shorts. They will wear their particular college shirt everywhere; clubbing, shopping, golfing, exercising, and casual Friday. You don't have to have gone to a Virginia college to partake in the college pride. You will see various colleges represented on the aforementioned paraphernalia; Tennessee, Ohio State, Georgia, UC of whatever. Some take the Virginia college pride to the extreme, we call these people "brosephs" or "brahs" emphasis on the -ah. You will also see these people with "wings," longish hair that curls out from underneath a ball cap. Said ball cap is noticeably dirty and frayed on the ends and look like you'd get head lice just from looking at it. Rest assured this was done intentionally. And if you were to follow broseph to his car, you'd find that it was some sort of Acura, Toyota SUV, or Jeep something-or-other. You don't have to be of the male gender to be called a "brah" or "broseph" but can you imagine what a COMPLIMENT that'd be for a gal? Ha. These people also never miss a game that their college is playing in and more likely than not, their college isn't very good at the particular sport they are going to watch that day. Example: the brah loves college football, but his/her college is reallllly bad at it. But they will talk to their friends/coworkers/anyone who will listen about their team as if they are the #1 seed. Another characteristic is that they no doubt still party as if they are in college, this will go on well into their early-, to mid-, (sometimes late-, if they are still single) 30's.

The Warm/Fuzzies

2008-07-27T00:20:00.004-04:00

I think that in the history of friends, I have the best that ever existed. So, here I have this child, who turned one a month ago, and due to my procrastination and other extraneous factors, had to have his birthday a month later, and they all came out for it. Not only that, but 80% of them live 2 hours away. It makes me feel so loved, and it means a lot to me that they'd come out for Bean. So friends, I love you all soooo much, and I can't put into words how much it means to me that you came out for Bean's birthday. I just wish that we had more time to visit and I feel bad that you drove all that way for not a very long period of time. If there's anything I can do to pay you back you let me know. Love, love, love.

Ugh. So annoying.

2008-07-24T20:01:00.005-04:00

I know I've written about this before, but I think due to the severity of its annoyance it deserves to be written about again. And I've never been able to write it for the whole world to see before either. Nothing is more annoying than when you're in an empty bathroom and someone comes in and uses the stall right next to yours. Why? Why do you need to do that? Do you not like to be alone? Do you get some sort of thrilllll from knowing the person on the other side of the partition is doing the exact almost same thing? It's not only annoying; it's disgusting. You can hear EVERYthing. From the sighs, to the zipper on their pants, to the toilet paper rolling and then tearing. We're not even going to go to the #2 issue. I think we all agree that's a given at this point, and is THE most disgusting part of this issue. I mean, my head just can't get wrapped around this. I'd want the stall farthest away from the one that is occupied. No bathroom separation anxiety here. Now, it's entirely one thing if all the stalls are full... It's usually so loud in there at that point that you can't hear your own thoughts much less the person next to you. But quite another if they're empty... Common courtesy says, move along ladies, mooooove along.

I have a bone to pick...

2008-07-23T22:06:00.005-04:00

With Ms. Jennifer Lopez. I was reading an article about her recently, and obviously, it was focusing on her just having given birth to twins. In said article, she mentions how to get back into shape she's training for a triathlon. Awesome. Go her. I can totally relate to that. I successfully trained, and am training for another, 1/2 marathon after having Bean. However, what I can't relate to is that she says this training for a tri is not cosmetic... Her reasoning for doing it is to, "make her babies proud of her." Herein lies the issue: OK. First of all, they are BABIES. Barely out of the womb. All they care about is where their next meal is coming from. Wanna make them proud? Feed them. Second of all, they are your children, they will always be proud of you unless your name is Britney Spears. Lastly, if you REALLY want to make your babies proud of you, JLo, then get rid of your nanny and 9 million personal assistants and raise your kids on your own like the rest of the world. OR, stop selling pictures of your beloved babies for millions of dollars to glossy magazines! Eh? How 'bout them apples. Oh, and by the way, JLo, your husband looks like a rat. Yea. That's right. I said it. A rat.

Random Happenings

2008-07-22T21:04:00.005-04:00

I'm not a big fan of food that requires an excessive amount of chewing. I find it to be so boring and tiresome. This could be part of the reason why I'm not a big fan of pork chops, steak, Dots and Sugar Daddy's. Sadly, this is the main reason why I will NOT, ever, eat beef & broccoli at a Chinese restaurant. The beef is always like rubber! So, I tend to stick to chicken quite a bit more. I like pork, especially a nice pork tenderloin, or pulled pork (yummmmm BBQ!), but pork chops are ALWAYS tough. My brother MBD, just completed a week-long film camp at the Central Virginia Film Institute. He got to be the director of a movie that was showcased at the end of the week to the family and friends of the kids who attended the camp. He was totally in his element and I'm so super proud of him. He's so talented. It's amazing to see your siblings grow up and develop such wonderful gifts. He's also a PHENOMENAL chef; so, be it directing movies or being a chef... He'll be creating masterpieces, either way. My other brother JCD, had jaw surgery recently. He gets his mouth un-"wired" on Tuesday of next week! He's so excited. As we all are. Just in time for vacation too! How's that for timing. He's been through a lot this past year and he's handled it all remarkably well. CWG, one of my most dearest and bestest friends, has the most wonderful family. Bean and I has the pleasure of meeting them this past Saturday. They are so fun, and nice, and have great accents! He and his family are from the Mid West. It's always a joy to meet your friend's families and hear about their childhood, and see who they look like the most. His Dad in this case. It was a fun-filled day... Bean and I also had the joy of seeing SJ's new non-bachelor pad. He has a great view of Arlington/Clarendon and even DC! He's on the 16th floor, so it was kinda disorienting to look over the balcony. He has a tomato plant out there, that looks like if it could talk it'd say, "I'm so hot! And suuuuuper thirsty." But, that's what the tomato plant gets for being in an apartment. Lastly, Bean is walking almost 100% of the time now. He's so good at it! It's crazy. Time has gone by much too quickly. My favorite is when I go to pick him up at day care, I run to him with my arms open wide, and he toddles over to me as quickly as his little legs will take him, throws his chubby little arms around my neck, and gives me a big ol' wet kiss right on the nose. That makes my YEAR, right there.

Computers

2008-07-21T21:52:00.002-04:00

Like most things lately, I have a love/hate relationship with computers. Love: e-mail, blogging, spying on Myspace and Facebook, reading other's blogs, Google. Hate: Word, error messages, screen freezes, no or slow internet connection, and that they require passwords for EVERYthing. Inevitably, computers ALWAYS break or screw up or don't do what they are supposed to do when I am around them. Your computer could be working perfect. I approach and it decides it has a virus and proceeds to the blue screen of death. The IT guy who is called over acts annoyed and asks you 5 different ways, "What'd you do to break it?" After coming up with 9 million different ways of spelling your name in numbers for passwords to "fix" it, he determines that, "the only way to fix it is to get a new one." Or, Mr. Help Desk, how about throwing it out the window? Hmmmmm????? Methinks that too would solve the problem. Computers, like most men, are douche bags and I wish that I didn't rely on them (computers) so much. Dependency, especially on electronics is an epidemic, it's the Ebola of our generation. I firmly believe that there are some people out there who don't know how to communicate unless they are typing on a keypad. And, you can bet that iiiiiiiii will get matched up with THEM on an internet date, that will be missssserable and further cement the fact that iiiiiiiii am going to be BITTER and LONELY for the rest of my computer-hating life! But that's another blog for another day.

The Yielder

2008-07-20T21:51:00.005-04:00

The Yielder takes driving seriously. When they took drivers ed, not only did they pass, they took it again the next year to make sure they were still able to get a perfect score. The Yielder takes a yield sign to heart. To them it IS a yellow stop sign; and they WILL stop before merging. Nevermind that they've single handedly managed to piss of the growing line of cars behind them. For they have traffic signs to obey. The Yielder's signature trademark is going 20-30 mph when merging onto 95/495/395/66/50/288, etc. This is to ensure that they have an all clear and to be certain that no crazies are going to speed up behind them. When The Yielder is in the zone, there's no one else who matters. They have places to go and they want to be sure that their Mercury Sable/Ford Taurus, gets them there in one piece. The Yielder never goes more than 5 over the speed limit. And the rare occasion they do, it's only when on one of America's major highways. During high traffic times, The Yielder gets a thrill out of going the speed limit in the fast lane. For this is how they live dangerously. Seeing people get frantic and zipping in front of them only fuels their fire. For The Yielder is the one who will ride next to another Yielder in the next lane, so as to prohibit the crazies from passing them. Oh the thrill! Oh the fingers they will get! The Yielder lives for the Sunday morning drive. For this is THEIR time. Fire up that Mercury; The Yielder's going for a ride.

I never thought I'd do it...

2008-07-19T22:04:00.003-04:00

But it was on sale. And it was the last one. And it was in my size. So, I caved. I got a running skirt. The link takes you to the exact one I got. I always thought they were the dumbest idea. I wasted countless hours (OK, minutes) wondering "Why a skirt? Who would want to RUN in a skirt for heaven's sake?!?" I just couldn't rationalize it in my brain. Then, it dawned on me, if you have a skirt on it hides the crotch area so you don't have to worry about wedgies and camel this and thats, and riding up etc. Your rear is covered so you don't have to worry about the VPL's (visible panty lines) and a swampy rear end. AND the best part is that they have bike shorts underneath the skirt! So, no chaffing issues or flashing. Much to my surprise, it's ultra comfy. I tried it out for the first time the other nightt and it made me glad I got it. Nike, you've made a believer out of me. I'd also like to give a shout out to Dick's and their sidewalk sale. However, I still have one minor bone to pick, these puppies are not cheap-$60 regular price. I'm sorry, call me crazy, but I'll take a swampy rear over a $60 RUNNING SKIRT any day. **Due to writers block this blog was taken from my most recent Myspace one. Apologies to those who have already read it.**

Numero Uno!

2008-07-18T20:40:00.001-04:00

So, today marks the best day of my week. Thinking that these blog spot blogs cost a pretty penny, my good friend Mrs. Bear told me that blog spot blogs are FREE! fist-pump! Now, my words can be read by troves of thousandsssss and million-bazillions of people. Boy does someone think highly of herself...whew. This is truly a fantastic thing. I have a dippy lil blog on Myspace but you can't do fun things with it like make it look pretty or have it be seen by more than your friends on Myspace. Needless to say I am very 'cited! My blog is titled A Day in the Life of Non-Momjeans because I am Mom to a precious one year-old boy (referred to as Bean) and he will just be mortified (as will I) if I am caught dead in Momjeans. Also, this title is fitting because I tend to do things a bit against the grain...be it by choice or sheer user-error. For instance, there's a groove-thang-shakin song on the radio called Sexy Can I by Ray J; with an ever so perverse lyric that goes, "Sexy can I visit you at work/When you're sliding down the pole/No panties/No shirt." I turn this lyric into a sing-songy nursery rhyme and sing it to my Bean. Who giggles to no end and starts to smile when I start with the first word. I am fully aware that this cannot go on forever, nor do I want to be that Mom, but for now, I'm fine with it.