Christmas Lights

So, I think we can all agree that Christmas lights are really swell. They are real fun to look at, the tacky-er the better, and then ruminate over how high those people's electrical bill will be. Sadly, there's a not-so-swell part of Christmas lights tho...the single color lights people. This doesn't include the white lights. We all know the kind - the people who have their bushes done in all red lights. Or the guy across the street from you who thinks it looks cool to have green candles in the windows. Never mind the people who have their house completely outlined in blue lights. These fine folks didn't get the memo that doing that makes it look like they let a 5 year old do the decorating. Not to mention the fact that it gives off more of a "We're Wicken!" vibe also known as Halloween, than a "Merry Christmas" vibe. While we're on the topic of lights at Christmas time, we can't forget luminaries. It's a good idea in theory. Most things that are good ideas in theory translate miserably into real life. This is one of those times. Sure, luminaries would be great if everyone did them. But in reality there are the people, like us and by "us" I mean my family who don't . It'd also be really great if people knew how to put the luminaries in a straight line along the street. But there are a majority of people who don't know how put things in a line much less a straight one and an even bigger majority who have completely forgotten everything that Smokey the Bear has taught them and put their luminaries in the leaves. Lastly, it'd be marvelous if the luminaries got thrown away the next day, however, there's a select few who think that crushed luminary bags look great lining the street for a full two weeks after the fact.

It's a BIRD!, It's a PLANE!, It's a....Mirage???

Lately, my imagination has been running on some serious overtime. It's working HARD for it's money. Those of you who are my friends on Facebook know this by my status, which one night read: I keep thinking I hear a lawn mower! even tho it was Midnight. Now lately, it's my phone ringing. This is funny because my phone doesn't really ring that often. So, maybe it's my subconscious wanting it to ring, so therefore, I think it is!?! Profound! Currently, we are in the process of moving Bean and me upstairs into separate bedrooms. So, there's a floor lamp in the hallway from when'st we were painting. Whenever I walk out of my room, which is at the end of the hall, into the hallway, I think said floor lamp is a person. I've scared myself now about 4 thousand times thinking it's an intruder. All this is going on while the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song is running through my head on a constant, let me repeat CONSTANT, 24 hours a day-7 days a week, basis. Perhaps, therein lies the problem???

If at first you don't succeed... Try, Try, Again

All throughout my childhood, I thought these were the devil:

I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with them. Just the thought of them made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. But, because Moms can do whatever forms of torture they want to their children, we had them often. I can't wait to do things like this to Bean! So I didn't have to encounter nastiness, I think I either hid mines in a napkin OR graciously decided to "help clear the table" and quickly disposed of them in the trash.

Fast forward a few million years and I now find them to be very tasty. In fact, they are so tasty that I get excited when we have them for dinner. In fact, I now like them so much that I'll cook some up and have them for lunch! GASP! Cans't thou believe it!?!? Whilst this, try, try, try again, then try harder, method worked for brussels. It will never, ever, EVER work for lima beans. I don't care how much time has passed they ARE, and always WILL be the devil ewwww, nastiness!:

Another thing I'm scared of...

Is accidentally eating a staple. Totally. If you've ever had Chinese food you'll understand. Not because I think that the lovely Chinese restaurant people cook with staples. But, because those good crunchy noodle things, that make your egg drop soup taste better and more cholesteroly, have staples all over the top. So does the bag that your food comes in, so do the fortune cookies. If you're even remotely hungry you're going to rip open the bags to get to your food. Right? And there's probably a pretty good chance that one of those staples could find their way into your food. Right? What I'm afraid of is that I'll be paying so much attention to something on TV or to one of my family members that I'd miss the staple in my food and eat it. Then I'm sure I'd scratch my throat pretty good or it'd get stuck in my throat and I'd die because hello!?!?, the Heimlich isn't powerful enough to get a staple out. It'd prolly settle in nice cozy like in my throatal cavity. Then they'd have to do an emergency tracheotomy. By "they" I mean "family member;" Which would be a disaster because no one in my family is a doctor. So, they'd probably do it in the wrong spot. Then, if I somehow managed to survive I'd have a huge hole in my chin. Which would be cute, but I'd be alive at least. I guess all those years of developing a "good personality" would really have to come in handy, right? Another way you could swallow a staple accidentally is if you were at work and when you took staples out of things you sometimes put them on the floor not realizing that you put them there but yeah you kinda did realize it. And then you drop a mint. You go to pick it up and a staple gets caught in your finger nail. You throw the mint away but somehow the angle you had your hand at didn't release the staple with it. Then you reach into your bag of chips or candy and THAT's when the staple decides to fall out. Right. Into. Your. Mouf. DEAD. Gone. Right there at work. And that's why I don't like staples. The End.