Follow up from "Fall Back"

Since we'll be springing forward in a few weeks ... what better time to update on the Fall Back post below.

The 1/2 marathon was a huge success and even though I didn't do as well as I had hoped read: I had to walk some. I still set a PR of 2:09:09.

PR by a minute but hey, a PR is a PR. Next time we're hoping for 2:00:00 or under!

Fall Back ...

How TRUE!! Er. Mah. Gerd.

Spring Forward.

In the Spring I decided to run a marathon. My first marathon. Something that I've always wanted to do and what better time to do it than after you've had a baby are looking for a way to get out of your post partum depression. I loved the training program, the people I met and how it immediately cleared my mind. Most of all I felt strong and athletic afterwards - neither of which I'd really ever felt before. Because I never really, like really really, trained for anything before. And then Spring turned to Summer and Summer to ...

Fall Back.

Welp. The Fall and I have never really gotten along too well. Especially, early Fall - when it's warm and leaves are on the ground and pollen and mold invade my nostrils. This marathon thing, I don't take a marathon lightly. You have to train for it. I do believe that anyone, of any size and any stature and athletic ability, can run a marathon but ... you have to train for it. Then came a couple of medical set backs that completely prohibited me from training, let alone exercising. During that time I missed a lot of the longer distance, important, training runs and catching up would be hard. I quickly realized I just can't do it. Not now. We'll see about next year, it's not off the books just yet! Since I paid for the race, I transferred my registration to the 1/2 marathon. Once I got over feeling like a quitter and completely defeated, I realized that after this year I am in need of something that I know I can accomplish and that I can do well. I'm hoping for a PR this 1/2 marathon. 

And maybe, initially, I bit off more than I could chew and now I'm where I should've been from the start.

Happiness - you feel amazing

Hello!!!

I haven't posted in a while. Part due to not having time and part because I just haven't really felt like it. Remember this post? And then this one? Well, I feel like now, the postpartum fog is finally, 100% gone. I've had happy days here and there but even on those days if the house was the least bit disorganized or if toys were strewn everywhere from Thing 1 and Thing 2, the sheer thought of picking up or cleaning seemed so daunting that the best option was just to sit and mope. Even going back to work, which was such a happy, fulfilling feeling - something that I hadn't felt in months, didn't feel 100% happy; the same things would still get me down, depressed and completely unmotivated. 

So! I had to post today because I feel like lately, thinking back over the past few weeks and days and thinking today I'm SO happy. There isn't a fog anymore. I still find I have to dig deep to find motivation to clean - but that's pretty much how it was before Baby Sister. I've never been one that loves to clean. If we could afford it and the minute we can we're getting a cleaning service. 

Taking care of Baby Sister and being a stay at home Mom now feels like something I can tackle. I have desire to meet up with other Mom's and outwardly seek play dates. Before, I wanted to, but it felt like it would be more of a chore or too hard because everything felt so overwhelming. I also felt like it would be hard because those Mom's loved being a stay at home Mom and at the time I didn't. Faking happiness seemed too hard. Now, when people say "you'll never get these days/months/years back" re: staying home with Baby Sister I get it. Now, I want to stay home with her. I want to see her first steps, I want to spend time with her. Staying home with her no longer feels devastatingly lonely even though it is lonely sometimes or that there's something else that I should be doing. Granted, I love working, so I do want to do that again one day but now I feel truly happy about what I'm doing and the little person with whom I spend 90% of my day. 

I just feel happy. I feel like Angela. Not happy but ... not like myself but ... there aren't any but's anymore. 

Therapy - certainly helped I continue to go. But I also think time helped too; and having an insanely supportive and understanding husband. His lack of gender role specific household ideology has been so wonderful. On the days where loading the dishwasher seemed like an insurmountable task - he would not only load it but clean the whole kitchen. Without my even having to ask. He just did it. He could see the sadness, see how hard it was. Yes, it was bad. Very bad. I love him so much. My family has been great too, helping to keep my expectations realistic and doing all they can to help.

It just feels good to finally look around and truly appreciate everything about my life, and my new "career." It's not all rainbows and butterflies but on the days where it's not it I can be realistic about life again. And it feels GOOD!!!

Un.Believable.

People never cease to amaze. Manners? Polite? What IS that?!?

From the moment I first held Lovie in my arms I knew one day that I'd probably have to address the Are you his nanny? conversation. He's a completely different (darker) color family than me (whiter than white). Mostly, from children - their curious minds running rampant with how to put the two of us together. Not thinking that someone so white could have such a delicious little brown berry. And I don't really take offense to that. They are kids. Do I think that it's rude? Of course, but you can't fault kids for their parents shortcomings. And to a certain point kids are going to be kids no matter how much you instill in them to be polite, treat everyone the same, don't talk about others who look different, etc.

What surprises me are the number of ADULTS who within ear shot of Lovie will question me, more than once mind you, in sheer disbelief, of whether or not I'm his mother. Lately, there have been three such instances and I don't know whether to be appalled or admired by their gall. 

#1 Sweet Frog (fro-yo joint) 
Mr. Nonmomjeans and Baby Sister are getting their toppings and I'm back helping Lovie get his froyo ... Mister behind us is staring at the interaction not only between me and Lovie but noticing Mr. Nonmomjeans and Baby Sister. I can feel the wheels in his head churning. We proceed to sit down and as a family enjoy and finish our froyo - Mister and his Mrs. sit at the table behind us and have periodically smiled and flirted with both children. As I'm getting up to throw our trash away, with Lovie in tow being a helper, Mister asks "Is he yours?" to which I respond yes and that he's almost five. To which he says, "REALLY!?! He's yours? He's so much darker than you!?!" Lovie is right there. Standing next to me. I say pointedly, Yes. He is. And walk away. 

I'm always caught off guard by situations like this. My blood was boiling and I would've loved to have thrown my trash in his face and say something like mind your own G.D. business. But I'm too nice. I think I'm caught off guard by people asking such questions in general. Because I would just NEVER EVER do that. Especially, with the child in question standing right there. And quite frankly, I don't care what your family situation is. I don't care if you don't look like your children. You're a happy family. That's all that matters. It's none of my business how you got that way.

#2 Pool
Child instance. To which I am somewhat less disgusted by, but again with Lovie right there asks me "Is that your son?" Yes he's my son. "Are you sure he's your son." Yes; he's my son. "He doesn't look like you at all." I wish I knew where this child's parents were sitting. 

#3 Busch Gardens
Standing in line for Elmo's Rollercoaster - Gentleman with his son in tow ask "Is he yours?" Yep. "Really?!? He's so tan. Like really, really tan." Yes he sure is and we should all be so lucky - was my response. 

I really have to start thinking of something witty/sarcastic and disrespectful back to these assholes. The amount of disrespect they feel they can show in front of my child is horrific. But you know what, part of me handles it in a cool, calm manner because I don't want to draw any more attention to it in front of Lovie than is necessary. And quite frankly, five is not the time to have the heart-to-heart discussion with him about why he is shades darker than the rest of his family. 

And guess what. HE has yet to ask WHY he LOOKS different because he doesn't see color. He just sees love. 

Five

I had a panic attack the other day because this will be FIVE at the end of June:

How did THAT happen? Where did time go? I'm not one to get overly sentimental over age, but for some reason I just can't help but cry when I think of Lovie turning FIVE. It just seems so old I guess. He's growing up so fast I can hardly stand it.

Dreams to Reality ... in two parts

Part One - Marathon

For as long as I can remember, running a marathon has been near the top, if not at the top, of my "bucket list." Part in parcel because when I was younger my Dad ran four marathons and is responsible for getting me into running. Seeing first hand the high he experienced after he completed SUCH an incredible feat was pretty awesome to witness as a kid. And then seeing how running especially marathon training got him in incredible shape was pretty cool too. 

Last night there was an information session for the Richmond Marathon, which takes place on November 10th. I attended with hopes of it talking me out of running the marathon. But if anything, it talked me into running it even more. So, that night after talking to Mr. Nonmomjeans about how this will not only be a lifestyle change but will require an insane amount of support from him I wasn't concerned about the latter ... he's my biggest cheerleader and also he'll be Mr. Mom most Saturday mornings ... so after a resounding YES, do it and give it 100% from him ... I signed up. I'm fortunate enough to live in Richmond where there's a training team put on by Sports Backers for the Richmond Marathon. Last year it had over 11,000 participants in the program and I've heard from many whom have done the program that they met some great lifelong running buddies and most importantly, friends. The program breaks the participants into three groups: novice, intermediate and advanced. Within those groups are subgroups, each with a trainer, and you have the choice of selecting either Saturday or Sunday morning group runs. This sense of camaraderie was key for me. I'll consider the experience a success if I a.) finish and b.) make at least one friend. 

I'm nervous but an excited nervous. Like the night before I got married. Eeek! Can't wait. 

Part Two - Started Grassroots Company ... P.S. I got it covered

Those who know me well, know that having my own personal shopping business has been a dream of mine since, well, forever. So, I've started a facebook page http://www.facebook.com/PsIGotItCovered for the company. I'll probably also have a blog until I see what happens. Since Facebook is free, I figure I have nothing to lose. Either it'll be a great success and a hit or it won't ... I'm fine with both. Right now I am not employed other than by my adorable children, so I have the time to see if it takes off or not. I'm also married to a great guy who has been nothing but encouraging of this venture since I told him what I wanted to do. 

P.S. stands for "personal shopper" and I got it covered came from the fact that currently, until need/demand is clearly defined I'm willing to shop for most anything that people hate to do/need help with. I also like the idea of it being a "P.S." at the end of a note, or the end of a conversation with a girl friend. Kinna like "P.S. I can help you with that by the way." I thought it was clever. Now I just have to find a graphic designer to put my idea for a company logo into reality. I have the design in my head so vividly ... I just need help making it reality. So, if you know of anyone who would be willing to do this gratis or on a dime, let me know!!

So, stay tuned. I'm a novice at both of these things so I'm sure I'll make some mistakes and have to find my own way. Especially with the personal shopping company, I'm sure it'll evolve over time - from mission statement to rates to what I shop for ... supply and demand. But I'm also confident that with enough passion and drive most anything can become successful! 

Product Review: Lorac TANtilizer Highlighter & Matte Bronzer Duo

Buy it right now

This has been close to life changing for me. I'm about as white of a white girl as they come. And summer barely rectifies that whole situation. Recently, I've been reading a lot about bronzer and how it's pretty much an instant face lifter and instantly makes your face look more alive. So, for my Birthday I asked for a gift card to Sephora so that I could find bronzer that I liked and that suited my ever growing list of requirements:

1. Sensitive skin friendly
2. No parabens
3. No fragrance
4. Won't look unnatural
5. Not a self-tanner
6. For the face

When the amazing Sephora sales lady showed me the Lorac bronzer I was already ready to say YES! I am a huge of fan of Lorac and use the Lorac foundation and love it here's the link if you're in the market for a sensitive skin friendly foundation: http://www.loraccosmetics.com/best-sellers_natural-performance-foundation.html. Keep in mind, this covers so well that you don't need much at all ... read: it's lasted me 2 years. 

The bronzer on one side and highlighter on the other is perfect. With the bronzer, depending on your skin color, you can add as little or as much as you like. The sales lady who sold it to me used it and she was a very dark black woman. She said, "It's one of the few bronzer's that looks good on all skin colors." I LOVE it. It gives my pasty white self juuuust enough color to look refreshed and awake and slightly sun kissed. Typically you put on bronzer after foundation and/or concealer and powder but before you put on blush. The highlighter is fun to play around with. It has a hint of shimmer and is a great finishing, defining touch after you put on all your makeup. It goes on the brow bone, top of the cheek bone and then down the top of your nose. 

The other day I went out of the house with some bronzer, blush and a swipe of mascara and some highlighter on my brow bone and looked effortlessly natural. Maybe that's what I love most about this dynamic duo. That above all, it looks natural.