Things I've Learned While Being Sick

1.) Sleep. I have a new appreciation for sleep. As well as the realization that I am grossly deprived of it.

2.) Phlegm. This is how it's spelled. And it attaches itself to every orifice of your body when you are sick. (+50 for the use of orifice.)

3.) The 3rd Hour of The Today Show. Is worthless. Kathie Lee is worthless. Why. Why. Why.

4.) If your fever gets high enough, your eye balls feel like they are going to pop out of your head. Only cure for this is sleep.

5.) Lovie. And how much it sucks not being able to give him sweet Lovie kisses.

6.) All Better. I want to be this.

Not yet a man, but not a boy either

Guys are lucky because they look younger than they really are for quite a while. Some, in their 20's don't look a day over 14. Like today, when I went to fill my birth control pills. The little guy who took my prescription information looked to be about 14. I made life very awkward for him, read below:

ManBoy: "Is this going to be all for you today?"

Me: "Yes, but I have a question that I'd like to ask the pharmacist."

ManBoy: "I am a pharmacy intern, how can I help you."

Me: *thinking: WTF you're like 14.* "OK. I started my period today. Can I start taking my birth control pills today, or I do have to wait until my cycle is over?"

ManBoy: *BLUSHING* "First you want to take two pregnancy tests 5 minutes apart..."

Me: "There's no way I'm pregnant."

ManBoy: "OK. Then yes. You can start taking them today."

Me: "Thank you!"

So, I'm pretty sure he was glad to see me leave. Until I go to pick up my PILLS and he rings me up again! Haha. And yes, he was blushing. Serves you right, manBOY!

Super Bowl Sunday

In honor of the Super Bowl, today February 1, 2009, I thought I would give you a little insight into the Top 10 things I know about this fine sport.

First, the Washington Redskins are from Washington, D.C. Not Washington state. This may seem obvious but I thought they were from Wash. State until sometime in middle school.

Second, football is Americana. Just like hot dogs and apple pie. And apparently an obscene amount of commercial breaks.

Third, football games will never be "To Be Continued..." Thank gawd!

Fourth, Virginia doesn't have a pro football team. Wait a second. We don't have any pro teams. Hogwash.

Fifth, my Mom just dropped a bunch of hangers and I'm going to continue to write this blog about football.

Sixth, football players are manly men however, they have quite taken to grabbing each others nether regions. Don't call them gay though. Or they will shoot themselves in the foot.

Seventh, never let a football player around a gun.

Eighth, the Detroit Lions should relocate if they ever want to have a shot at a good football team. Or. Recruit Eminem. Don't argue with me. They suck. They can't be picky.

Ninth, the yellow line on the football field is not real. I don't know enough about football to tell you the name of this line. But it's a yellow one that doesn't exist when you are there in person.

Tenth, an episode of The Office should follow every football game.

Great Expectations

Have you ever gone into something with these amazing expectations that this something was going to be the something to end all somethings?? And then you get there and you're expecting the something to come to you all night, but...it never does?

So, I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was a great movie. But I wanted it to be sadder. I was expecting super, duper, never seen before in the movies sad. What ended up happening was not that sad. At least not as sad as I had expected. I really wanted to cry that night. I wanted to be in there and just sob. However, Titantic, yes the one with Kate Winslet and Leo, was sadder than Slumdog. Slumdog is better all around--since you don't go into the movie knowing the outcome. But wait! That's another good point!! Titantic was still sad, like made me sob sad, even having gone into it knowing *spoiler alert* that the ship was going to sink.

The root of all this "Slumdog saddness" started with Elliot from DC 101 saying on his morning show that it made HIM cry. He's the most non-crying person ever. So, I was all ramped up to think that I was FOR SURE going to sob. I would be an effing blubbering mess. And welp, if I haven't said it enough already, I wasn't.

So, I need to see it again. Because now I know that I won't cry. So I won't be expecting a movie that makes me cry.

The Awful Truth

What's worse than finding out that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy don't exist, is realizing that -Shannon, 23, Fort Worth in Cosmopolitan's "96 Things You Can Do In Bed To Make Him Stay Faithful," is not an actual person.

A friend of mine enlightened me to this fact in college and just about blew my head off my shoulders. However, after thinking about it, it made sense; just like why would actual fairies want to collect teeth? How would writers for any girlie gossip or fashion magazine have the time to go out and ACTUALLY find Shannon's and Debbie's and Laura's from Fort Worth, Juno, and Detroit respectively? Especially when a majority of the magazine's writers are in NYC. And doubtful that gazillions of women are sending their sex lives via e-mail to these fashion/girlie gossip magazines so that the editors can publish them for the world to see.

In fact, -Shannon, 23, Fort Worth is actually Beauty Writer: Tiffany from Cosmo Magazine in NYC.

Christmas Lights

So, I think we can all agree that Christmas lights are really swell. They are real fun to look at, the tacky-er the better, and then ruminate over how high those people's electrical bill will be. Sadly, there's a not-so-swell part of Christmas lights tho...the single color lights people. This doesn't include the white lights. We all know the kind - the people who have their bushes done in all red lights. Or the guy across the street from you who thinks it looks cool to have green candles in the windows. Never mind the people who have their house completely outlined in blue lights. These fine folks didn't get the memo that doing that makes it look like they let a 5 year old do the decorating. Not to mention the fact that it gives off more of a "We're Wicken!" vibe also known as Halloween, than a "Merry Christmas" vibe.

While we're on the topic of lights at Christmas time, we can't forget luminaries. It's a good idea in theory. Most things that are good ideas in theory translate miserably into real life. This is one of those times. Sure, luminaries would be great if everyone did them. But in reality there are the people, like us and by "us" I mean my family who don't . It'd also be really great if people knew how to put the luminaries in a straight line along the street. But there are a majority of people who don't know how put things in a line much less a straight one and an even bigger majority who have completely forgotten everything that Smokey the Bear has taught them and put their luminaries in the leaves. Lastly, it'd be marvelous if the luminaries got thrown away the next day, however, there's a select few who think that crushed luminary bags look great lining the street for a full two weeks after the fact.

It's a BIRD!, It's a PLANE!, It's a....Mirage???

Lately, my imagination has been running on some serious overtime. It's working HARD for it's money. Those of you who are my friends on Facebook know this by my status, which one night read: I keep thinking I hear a lawn mower! even tho it was Midnight.

Now lately, it's my phone ringing. This is funny because my phone doesn't really ring that often. So, maybe it's my subconscious wanting it to ring, so therefore, I think it is!?! Profound!

Currently, we are in the process of moving Bean and me upstairs into separate bedrooms. So, there's a floor lamp in the hallway from when'st we were painting. Whenever I walk out of my room, which is at the end of the hall, into the hallway, I think said floor lamp is a person. I've scared myself now about 4 thousand times thinking it's an intruder.

All this is going on while the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song is running through my head on a constant, let me repeat CONSTANT, 24 hours a day-7 days a week, basis.

Perhaps, therein lies the problem???