This is a picture of two of my most favorite people in the world. Jec-Jec and Jason they are brother and sister. As you can tell from the picture, these kids know how to have a good time. And as children they knew how to have a good time with knives. Yes. Very sharp knives.
As a kid I was pretty much afraid of EVERYTHING. I was a total mini-momjeans. I even had the momjean glasses. No, I am not going to scan a picture of THAT. So, I was over playing at their house which was right next door to mines and getting ready to leave when they started taunting me with knives. "OOh are you afraid of this?" they'd say. "Yes! *loud scream*!" I'd reply. This little charade lasted a few more minutes until I bolted for the door. I think they chased/taunted me with knives pretty much every day for like a week long period. Until one day Jason started taunting Jec-Jec and then it wasn't so funny anymore.
Moral of that story: If you want a salad with CHOPPED anything in it. You can make it yuns self!
October 19, 2008
Fear and Loathing in Suburban Richmond
Fears:
Death, spiders, bugs bigger than a crumb, heights without anything around me (i.e. cliffs), weed eaters
Loathes:
Knives, razor blades, scones, box cutters, washing cars, ironing.
Whether these are legitimate or not is another blog. Erstwhile, enjoy this fun story:
I'm practically blind you see haha get it, without my glasses or contacts. Without some sort of optical assistance I am a worthless individual - unless you need a blind friend to just sit somewhere for a few hours.
Yesterday, I am in the bathroom without optical assistance. I feel something down at my foot. It's a black mass. I immediately think it's a spider. So. I panic and with my big toe slide/violently kick, it out of the way. OUCH. *(^&?> *&?>!@!D#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glasses go on.
Aw F an A! That wasn't a spider. It was my razor! And now the bottom of my big toe is missing its top layer of skin. Fannnntastic.
Moral of that story: I need lasik.
Here's another fun story:
This is a picture of two of my most favorite people in the world. Jec-Jec and Jason they are brother and sister. As you can tell from the picture, these kids know how to have a good time. And as children they knew how to have a good time with knives. Yes. Very sharp knives.
As a kid I was pretty much afraid of EVERYTHING. I was a total mini-momjeans. I even had the momjean glasses. No, I am not going to scan a picture of THAT. So, I was over playing at their house which was right next door to mines and getting ready to leave when they started taunting me with knives. "OOh are you afraid of this?" they'd say. "Yes! *loud scream*!" I'd reply. This little charade lasted a few more minutes until I bolted for the door. I think they chased/taunted me with knives pretty much every day for like a week long period. Until one day Jason started taunting Jec-Jec and then it wasn't so funny anymore.
Moral of that story: If you want a salad with CHOPPED anything in it. You can make it yuns self!
This is a picture of two of my most favorite people in the world. Jec-Jec and Jason they are brother and sister. As you can tell from the picture, these kids know how to have a good time. And as children they knew how to have a good time with knives. Yes. Very sharp knives.
As a kid I was pretty much afraid of EVERYTHING. I was a total mini-momjeans. I even had the momjean glasses. No, I am not going to scan a picture of THAT. So, I was over playing at their house which was right next door to mines and getting ready to leave when they started taunting me with knives. "OOh are you afraid of this?" they'd say. "Yes! *loud scream*!" I'd reply. This little charade lasted a few more minutes until I bolted for the door. I think they chased/taunted me with knives pretty much every day for like a week long period. Until one day Jason started taunting Jec-Jec and then it wasn't so funny anymore.
Moral of that story: If you want a salad with CHOPPED anything in it. You can make it yuns self!
October 15, 2008
Go On And Get You Some of These...
I usually do not fall victim to carelessly spending money on purely season specific merchandise - for instance dishes that you would use ONLY at Christmas/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Flag Day time. However this Fall, there are few items that require lots of bandwagons, followed by lots of jumping on aforementioned bandwagons:
Candy Corn Pumpkins
Probably the closest thing to heaven. If Baby Jesus were able to endorse products he'd be all over these. See! There they are. In all their deliciousness, coated in a layer of delicious *sigh*. These, I'll have you know, are one of the main reasons why I look forward to going to work each day lately. OMG! I can't wait for tomorrow!
Fall-ish flavored Beer.
How delicious are these, guys? I look forward to colder months so that it's socially acceptable to drink darker ales. 
New Castle always has appeal. Because it's my FAVORITE. Ever. But New Castle in October/November/December is damn near perfect. Sam Adams has a full suite of Fall brews that are just as good as the next. 
Especially if you drink one of each all in one night, and then you can't really remember if they were good or bad, you just remember them not being Natty Light, and you smile to yourself. And then you remember that you're not in a Frat House that seems to never have toilet paper, ANYWHERE. And you smile even bigger.
Hooker Boots.
Yep. These are the essence of Fall and look great with skirts that fall to the knee or below or mini skirts if you're a whore. Or dressed as a whore for Halloween ;) Not to mention they are surprisingly comfy. Try some on next time you're at DSW. I think you'll become a fan too. And ladies, you have to admit, we all have a lil, tiny, bit of whore in us somewhere that needs to get out every now and again. These are the perfect way to let her get out and mingle without running the risk of contracting something or getting yourself preggers.
Pumpkins. 
Make great, inexpensive center pieces and just scream FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Not to mention they serve other purposes as well. Such as: being super good for you, cooking up the seeds and munching on them, and providing endless hours of entertainment for people who enjoy weilding knives and have a steady hand. Personally, I love how they look on people's front stoops. You can always tell how many people are in the family by how many pumpkins are on the stairs. And you can always tell the pumpkin that the lil kids picked out. 9 times outta 10 they are all banged up and mangey lookin. Classic.
Corn Mazes.
Who wouldda thunk that these could provide such entertainment... For adults. I think in our old age we love to solve things. I know I single handedly feel as though I can solve all the world crisis'; which has nothing to do with my being stubborn and everything to do with my being right :) Which is why corn mazes are so great when you go with kids. Since we are older and therefore wiser they have to follow us. If not for the sole purpose that fun can turn to panic in 5 seconds, when they get lost in the corn maze and have some interaction with the scarecrow. Back to the point, they have to listen to you and you are always right. Your way is always the right way when it comes to the corn maze, even if you are wrong. They'll just think you "got really lucky" and "get to try it out again"...Yay!
Probably the closest thing to heaven. If Baby Jesus were able to endorse products he'd be all over these. See! There they are. In all their deliciousness, coated in a layer of delicious *sigh*. These, I'll have you know, are one of the main reasons why I look forward to going to work each day lately. OMG! I can't wait for tomorrow!
Fall-ish flavored Beer.
How delicious are these, guys? I look forward to colder months so that it's socially acceptable to drink darker ales. 
New Castle always has appeal. Because it's my FAVORITE. Ever. But New Castle in October/November/December is damn near perfect. Sam Adams has a full suite of Fall brews that are just as good as the next. 
Especially if you drink one of each all in one night, and then you can't really remember if they were good or bad, you just remember them not being Natty Light, and you smile to yourself. And then you remember that you're not in a Frat House that seems to never have toilet paper, ANYWHERE. And you smile even bigger.
Hooker Boots.
Yep. These are the essence of Fall and look great with skirts that fall to the knee or below or mini skirts if you're a whore. Or dressed as a whore for Halloween ;) Not to mention they are surprisingly comfy. Try some on next time you're at DSW. I think you'll become a fan too. And ladies, you have to admit, we all have a lil, tiny, bit of whore in us somewhere that needs to get out every now and again. These are the perfect way to let her get out and mingle without running the risk of contracting something or getting yourself preggers.
Pumpkins. 
Make great, inexpensive center pieces and just scream FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Not to mention they serve other purposes as well. Such as: being super good for you, cooking up the seeds and munching on them, and providing endless hours of entertainment for people who enjoy weilding knives and have a steady hand. Personally, I love how they look on people's front stoops. You can always tell how many people are in the family by how many pumpkins are on the stairs. And you can always tell the pumpkin that the lil kids picked out. 9 times outta 10 they are all banged up and mangey lookin. Classic.
Corn Mazes.
Who wouldda thunk that these could provide such entertainment... For adults. I think in our old age we love to solve things. I know I single handedly feel as though I can solve all the world crisis'; which has nothing to do with my being stubborn and everything to do with my being right :) Which is why corn mazes are so great when you go with kids. Since we are older and therefore wiser they have to follow us. If not for the sole purpose that fun can turn to panic in 5 seconds, when they get lost in the corn maze and have some interaction with the scarecrow. Back to the point, they have to listen to you and you are always right. Your way is always the right way when it comes to the corn maze, even if you are wrong. They'll just think you "got really lucky" and "get to try it out again"...Yay!
October 8, 2008
Politicks
With emphasis on the "-ticks." As in what "ticks" me off, about politics. First of all let me give a little background about my positioning on politics. I'm not a very political person. Meaning, it's not part of my being to be entrenched in the latest political happenings. For the most part I find them all to be liars and smarmy and rarely get anything done that they say they will. And the ones that do get things done, it's usually because of other people in their cabinet or being in the right place at the right time; earstwhile they are still lying and still being smarmy. I agree with a lot of the liberal points of view, but I lean more towards being considered a conservative if push comes to shove.
That being said. What happened to having formidable Presidential candidates? Is it so much to ask that we have QUALIFIED, inherently GOOD people running for candidacy to run OUR country? Who have the interest of our COUNTRY at heart and not winning votes or gaining the support of Hollywood, and not changing their stance every other TV interview? Apparently, yes. It is. I think our forefathers would be APPALLED at not only the way our country is being run today, but the candidates we have to choose from. You know it's bad when people - smart, well educated people mind you - are SERIOUSLY considering the fact that if Jon Stewart and Tina Fey were to run for President and VP that they'd do a better job than either candidate in the running today. That's flat out sad. But the sad truth none-the-less.
October 3, 2008
WARNING! Proceed with Caution!
What's more dangerous than a working escalator, is a broken one. Have you ever encountered this? Do you feel my pain? Literally?
This applies for the up and down broken escalators. When they are working properly the danger is getting your foot or shoe lace caught in the motor. When they are not working properly the danger is falling flat on your face due to the optical illusion the escalator stairs create.
First of all the first few steps make you stupid. They are like quarter's of a step, this throws off your whole stepping flow. Next thing you know you are looking down at your feet the whole time, holding onto the railing and taking each step like you're a 4 year old - two feet at a time.
Second, the height of each escalator stair is horribly inconvenient. It's too high. And when you look down at the next step it looks shorter than it is. Further throwing you off. Or spraining your ankle. Take your pick.
The easy fix for all this is to have a mandate that escalators aren't allowed to exist. They serve a horrible purpose. Not only are they a tease for the handicapped, those in/pushing strollers, the morbidly obese and hugely pregnant people who can't see their feet; but when they break they are inconvenient to everyone! In cases such as these, it forces people to use the store's sketchy elevator that's not supposed to work that hard. Said elevator is tucked away in a corner that smells of urine and the whole time to go up one flight mind you you're wondering if you're going to make it out alive.
This concludes safety 101.
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