Misadventures with a curling iron

Now that I'm 34, I thought I should try my hand again at using a curling iron. I had a brief stint with one back in high school but instead of curls, I basically just burnt my scalp a whole bunch. Since then, I either use a flat iron or hot curlers because the higher the hair ...

Bed, Bath & Beyond was all like ...

We promise you will have hair JUST like this if you get this one 

And I was all like ...

Sure! I'm a total target audience and I want hair like the prostitute's hers

***WARNING GRAPHIC IMAGE - NO MAKEUP*** 

Well. Ahem. After nearly ONE GD HOUR with that fucking curling iron ... 

It's straighter than it is when I use a flat iron.  

OH and a few minutes later, any and all semblance of curl ... GONE ... 

I mean. If we think hard about this can we really expect much more?!? I burn food in a crockpot. I'm hearing LOUD AND CLEAR that a curling iron is just not in the cards for me. Add it to the growing list.

As my boy TuPac says 

That's just the way it is ... Something's will never change. 

Amen, homes. Amen.