How Bullet Journaling Cost Me My Sanity and a Small Fortune

Sometimes, I feel like I still don't know who I am or what I want to be when I grow up? Sometimes, I feel like maybe there's something else out there for me? This internal dialogue usually happens in the early morning or late at night or when I'm alone in the car, because it's quiet and I forget that I am a stay at home mom. Then someone starts crying or whining or throwing up or I go on Huff Po or Facebook and read an article on how your child should be potty trained at birth/18 months. 

So! To help solve some of these feels I have, one night last month, I got on Facebook and read a post about how someone was watching Real Housewives and Bullet Journaling AND drinking wine. Immediately I was all WHAT THE!!!! Because!! I am already obsessed with two out of the three of this person's hobbies!! They are basically me but not me!! I quickly wandered over to Pinterest, searched "Bullet Journal" and fell into a dark, dark hole. If I used a bullet journal I was promised hope, DESIRE to be organized iiiii know!!!, beautiful pens that won't smear and all the notebooks that your heart could ever want. Naturally, I was all in. I created a Pinterest board, called my best friend and told her all about it and was really, really freaking excited to go shopping for my supplies. Howeverrrrrr ....

I was totally cheating on this, like, massive 18 month calendar. She has stickers, a front pocket to hold papers !!!!!, an extensive notes and address section and is so colorful and beautiful: 

But she promised me no hope of becoming an organized person over night. So, naturally I fell hard and fast for a "Design Your Own" bullet journal. Plus, a bullet journal is portable. This calendar is basically a stone tablet from the dark ages which made her SO hard to WANT to take with me. And I have to take my calendar with me everywhere because I am basically Dory. Plus, my Pinterest board of bullet journal ideas was staring at me saying bullshit like:

YOU are the pilot, you can plan your calendar exactly how you like, in any order you like, as colorful or as black and white as you like, it's how YOU like. 

Ugh. I'm so controlling. Maybe something some other Pinterest thing can solve for me? Anyway.

Being all googly eyed, I went to Target to shop for my journal. When I look back at this shopping trip now, I can recognize that I was feeling very frustrated and defeated with my ride or die, Target. They didn't really have what I was looking for and I was starting to feel sweaty and nauseated. And sometimes angry? But I rallied and pushed that down because, Target. I was really working hard to suppress thoughts like:  

WTF? Target of ALL places should have BULLET JOURNALS. I mean. Everyone is doing it. Gosh. Hop on the GD bandwagon already. 

I should know myself well enough by now, to know that this should have been a major red flag. But, judging by the amount of times I still get way too drunk, I clearly don't. So. I settled for this journal - on a scale of one to ten, it's a six because she has lines. I'm very OCD so lines mean A LOT to me, so I knew this would not end well. And boy was I right. See below for the decline of Bullet Journal #1:

I love peonies and glitter so naturally, it was love at first sight.

So much time and effort, but realized that it was a lot of effort for me. This was basically exhausting and I think I went to bed early.

Quickly, my kids decided that my bullet journal should be their bullet journal. Just like my food. 

It's basically Abigail's journal. It's fine. 

So. I don't know. I should have just threw in the bullet journal towel. But like our drunk example above and just ... well, if there's one thing I am, it's stubborn. See? We can admit our flaws. It's safe here. Anyway. I wasn't 100% about the journal above so I decided to high tail it to Barnes & Noble, because you know, let's see if we can torture ourselves a little more. And I found one without lines!! For me this was like seeing a unicorn. Situation took a nose dive when I got home; because I tried to take the price tag sticker off the front cover and it left a film. Which side note: why do they do this??? It would be so much easier if the sticker was on the back. For. the. love. Naturally, this rendered it useless. Here are pics to prove it:

See all that sticker film!! (Bottom right corner if you're blind.) Worthless journal. 

She had so much potential. But this also makes me panic a little? 

The reason I have a blank journal to show you, is that my bullet journal career?? Hobby?? Whatever we want to call it, it lasted all of 24 hours. I threw in the towel. I realized I need to stick to what works for me, like this:

I love this kind of journal. Also, if poetry was this, I'd like poetry too.

Sooooo ... I guess ... I guess now I do bullet journal??? But my bullet journal stands for Cabernet Sauvignon. The En ... 

But WAIT!!! How are you staying organized for crying out loud??

Well. I am an organizational work in progress. But to keep my dates in line and my thoughts in order I went back to drinking wine and using a CALENDAR. A beautiful, simple, ikat patterned calendar. And we are very happy together.  

Ain't she a beaut? 

Sticking to what I know.

Staying modest. And portable.