Dog Food Cookies By: Pinterest

Meet Angela. Angela is not good baking, but she is VERY good at other things like ... ... ... well. Other things. Angela often visits a magical world that promises things like:

1. Organization at the click of a mouse
2. A new kitchen pinned to a mythical, non stressful, non anxiety ridden, "board"
3. Clothes that will look good on any body type
4. Riding boots that will fit over large calves 
5. All the recipes that will ALL turn out delicious and magazine ready 

But the magical world was EVIL and full of so many lies; she quickly realized that:

1. Organization wasn't attainable and involved having to clean on a SCHEDULE wtf - which resulted in so much Clorox wipes that Angela didn't have finger prints anymore
2. A new kitchen that you could pin to a board, but said kitchens were so laden with MARBLE that they weren't even efficient much less practical
3. Clothes that ... Just. NO!! Scarves cannot be worn as tops!! OMG.
4. Lies, lies and more LIES!!!
5. All the "cookie" recipes turn out to look like dog food:
   
   
   

This evil world is known as Pinterest. Where Angela's soul is stolen, where innocent men and women are led to believe that Barbies can be baked into a cake. An evil, unattainable, Barbie cake where the cake is her dress and somehow ... THAT'S OK. This is NOT OK!! Barbie is a doll and she is meant to be loved and live in a Dream House. I never had BARBIE baked into a cake in my childhood and did I end up OKAY?????????? DID I!!?!?!!!

One night, in order to attempt happiness for her three children, who only want to eat sugar, live in sugar, and one day grow up to BE sugar. Angela set out to make these:

Semi healthy. Presumably delicious. Golden brown. Circular. 

As usual, she followed the directions to a GD T, and said a silent prayer that THIS would be the recipe to renew her faith in baking, in Pinterest. 

But Paradise is lost. Utopia is but a myth. Unicorns are DEAD IN QUICKSAND because ... Angela wants you to see what the "cookies" came out looking like:

Just so we're clear: On the LEFT is dog food and on the RIGHT is dog food are the PEACH PIE COOKIES!!! 

WHAT IN THE LITERAL FUCK. 

Angela, as well as the children, tasted the "cookies" because MAYBE, just maybe, they tasted better than they looked. As they tasted the "cookies" one by one by one a sadness came over them: 

But. Angela knew this was basically going to be a shit show so she rallied and was all: 

With regards to the outcome of her "cookies."

Angela knew, deep down, that Pinterest had whore-like, sad, hopeless qualities; which this recipe only affirmed. In fact, Angela now takes solace in the fact that Pinterest ranks right up there with ...

As a dangerous, highly UNsanitary world, full of false hope. For when gynecologists say, "There's no summer's eve in Summer's Eve." Angela knows they are actually saying:

DANGER: Douching or Pinterest-ing. It's basically THE SAME THING.

The end.