Christmas Lights

So, I think we can all agree that Christmas lights are really swell. They are real fun to look at, the tacky-er the better, and then ruminate over how high those people's electrical bill will be. Sadly, there's a not-so-swell part of Christmas lights tho...the single color lights people. This doesn't include the white lights. We all know the kind - the people who have their bushes done in all red lights. Or the guy across the street from you who thinks it looks cool to have green candles in the windows. Never mind the people who have their house completely outlined in blue lights. These fine folks didn't get the memo that doing that makes it look like they let a 5 year old do the decorating. Not to mention the fact that it gives off more of a "We're Wicken!" vibe also known as Halloween, than a "Merry Christmas" vibe. While we're on the topic of lights at Christmas time, we can't forget luminaries. It's a good idea in theory. Most things that are good ideas in theory translate miserably into real life. This is one of those times. Sure, luminaries would be great if everyone did them. But in reality there are the people, like us and by "us" I mean my family who don't . It'd also be really great if people knew how to put the luminaries in a straight line along the street. But there are a majority of people who don't know how put things in a line much less a straight one and an even bigger majority who have completely forgotten everything that Smokey the Bear has taught them and put their luminaries in the leaves. Lastly, it'd be marvelous if the luminaries got thrown away the next day, however, there's a select few who think that crushed luminary bags look great lining the street for a full two weeks after the fact.

It's a BIRD!, It's a PLANE!, It's a....Mirage???

Lately, my imagination has been running on some serious overtime. It's working HARD for it's money. Those of you who are my friends on Facebook know this by my status, which one night read: I keep thinking I hear a lawn mower! even tho it was Midnight. Now lately, it's my phone ringing. This is funny because my phone doesn't really ring that often. So, maybe it's my subconscious wanting it to ring, so therefore, I think it is!?! Profound! Currently, we are in the process of moving Bean and me upstairs into separate bedrooms. So, there's a floor lamp in the hallway from when'st we were painting. Whenever I walk out of my room, which is at the end of the hall, into the hallway, I think said floor lamp is a person. I've scared myself now about 4 thousand times thinking it's an intruder. All this is going on while the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song is running through my head on a constant, let me repeat CONSTANT, 24 hours a day-7 days a week, basis. Perhaps, therein lies the problem???

If at first you don't succeed... Try, Try, Again

All throughout my childhood, I thought these were the devil:

I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with them. Just the thought of them made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. But, because Moms can do whatever forms of torture they want to their children, we had them often. I can't wait to do things like this to Bean! So I didn't have to encounter nastiness, I think I either hid mines in a napkin OR graciously decided to "help clear the table" and quickly disposed of them in the trash.

Fast forward a few million years and I now find them to be very tasty. In fact, they are so tasty that I get excited when we have them for dinner. In fact, I now like them so much that I'll cook some up and have them for lunch! GASP! Cans't thou believe it!?!? Whilst this, try, try, try again, then try harder, method worked for brussels. It will never, ever, EVER work for lima beans. I don't care how much time has passed they ARE, and always WILL be the devil ewwww, nastiness!:

Another thing I'm scared of...

Is accidentally eating a staple. Totally. If you've ever had Chinese food you'll understand. Not because I think that the lovely Chinese restaurant people cook with staples. But, because those good crunchy noodle things, that make your egg drop soup taste better and more cholesteroly, have staples all over the top. So does the bag that your food comes in, so do the fortune cookies. If you're even remotely hungry you're going to rip open the bags to get to your food. Right? And there's probably a pretty good chance that one of those staples could find their way into your food. Right? What I'm afraid of is that I'll be paying so much attention to something on TV or to one of my family members that I'd miss the staple in my food and eat it. Then I'm sure I'd scratch my throat pretty good or it'd get stuck in my throat and I'd die because hello!?!?, the Heimlich isn't powerful enough to get a staple out. It'd prolly settle in nice cozy like in my throatal cavity. Then they'd have to do an emergency tracheotomy. By "they" I mean "family member;" Which would be a disaster because no one in my family is a doctor. So, they'd probably do it in the wrong spot. Then, if I somehow managed to survive I'd have a huge hole in my chin. Which would be cute, but I'd be alive at least. I guess all those years of developing a "good personality" would really have to come in handy, right? Another way you could swallow a staple accidentally is if you were at work and when you took staples out of things you sometimes put them on the floor not realizing that you put them there but yeah you kinda did realize it. And then you drop a mint. You go to pick it up and a staple gets caught in your finger nail. You throw the mint away but somehow the angle you had your hand at didn't release the staple with it. Then you reach into your bag of chips or candy and THAT's when the staple decides to fall out. Right. Into. Your. Mouf. DEAD. Gone. Right there at work. And that's why I don't like staples. The End.

Giving Thanks

I'd like to first give a big shout out to my Mom and Dad. Without them, I'd probably be homeless, and/or living the life of Eminem and his Mom in 8 Mile. For serious. They are the best parents. I totally lucked out. Next, lets give a big round of applause to Bean. He's the best baby that ever graced this planet. I can't imagine my life without him. My life didn't start until I had him. And just when I don't think he could get any cuter, another day passes and he wins my heart over even more. He's my muffin-top-head-face-pumpkin-love and I want to eat him alive. Mad props go to stuffing. More importantly the fine folks at Betty Crocker who came up with "Stove Top." Hands down the best stuffing, keep that recipe a secret guys. Like put in a vault or something. Lets give even more props to the Pilgrims and Indians who founded Thanksgiving. Without them, we'd have nothing to do on the 3rd Thursday of November. More importantly, without them we'd have no excuse for gorging ourselves on said stuffing and apple pie and pumpkin pie and turkey, etc. You guys have made us proud. Nicely done. Can I get a what, what, for Facebook. You Facebook-inventer guy have single handedly made me into an addict. Never did I think that I could ever leave Myspace, I just could never fathom a replacement. And then, you go and make Facebook available to EVERYONE. Not just college kids. And I am hooked. Way to keep the sketch factor low on that too, Facebook guy. You done good my friend, you done good. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and goodnight to all, and to all a goodnight!!

...I'mmmm gettin olllllder tooooo.....

Everyone always complains about getting older and how awful it is. I'm sure it's not OPTIMAL to get old and feeble, but I also don't think it's as bad as everyone makes it out to be. For one, your hearing my not be as good as it was when you were a young whipper snapper. What's so wrong with this? Now you really CAN have selective hearing and not make any excuses for it. I'd love to not be able to hear nagging or if I was tired and didn't feel like talking anymore, I could just lay back and go to sleep in the middle of a conversation. My grandmother says what ever is on her mind to anyone who so much as bumps their cart into her in line at the grocery store. I'd love to be able to tell people off and not have to worry about them beating me up in the parking lot later. There's nothing worse than being scolded by a senior citizen in the check-out line. Our older counterparts aren't able to walk that fast. This allows them to take in more beauty of nature and their surroundings. They also have a higher awareness of danger. So, they are able to determine a speeder and pick out danger from miles away. I think we could all stand to have a slower pace of life. Maybe then there wouldn't be so many high strung drivers on the road, hmmm? Now, walking around Walmart tires me out. But I can't admit that publicly because I am young. even tho i just did. If I were older, not only would it be OK for me to get tired from the store, but I could come home and take a nap. Then I could have dinner and go to bed early because it was so exhausting. I really like shows like 60 minutes. At least there'd be people to talk about it with. 60 minutes isn't exactly "water cooler" friendly conversation as a young person. Plus, shows like that teach you so much. You don't really get that feeling after watching an episode of The Hills. It seems like the older we get the more socially acceptable it is to wear comfortable clothes like sweat suits and mismatched outfits. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this. I love sweats. I think it'd be great to not have to THINK about what you were going to wear that day. Or if you wanted to wear sweatpants and a sweat shirt with flip flops you can. All older people tend to LOVE sweets. I do too. But I have to keep trim. So, I don't have them very often. Sounds like a pretty good gig to eat a slice of cake or pie every night after dinner. You know most things in life that bring happiness are the little things. That's one thing that doesn't change no matter your age.

The Night Before Christmas

The night before Christmas always gives me that butterflies in my tummy, anxious kind of feeling. Even now that I am 27. Now that I've admitted to the Universe that I am a huge dweeb, I'll proceed... On this election day, I have that same feeling. It's like I want to tell everyone "Good luck!" or "Go get 'em, Tiger!" Like it's some sporting event against a major rival. Ah! I could just burst. This is so exciting. And everyone's vote DOES matter. So, hopefully since the polls are now closed everyone did. In fact, I was so excited to vote all day. I had it all planned out: 6pm - Get Bean 6:15pm - Feed Bean 6:30pm - Bathe Bean 6:40pm - Leave to vote Of course it didn't go like that. It went more like: 6pm - Nana gets Bean 6:05pm - I get home from work 6:07pm - Nana gets home with Bean 6:10pm - 6:20pm - I'm eating a snack ( I was ravishing, OK!!) 6:20pm - 6:30pm - Bathe Bean 6:35pm - Leave to vote Ok not bad. But then I get to my polling location and I'm super excited and super nervous and they tell me "Your name is not in our system." Woah, bitch. Back up. I'm not waaaaa???? I present them with my I.D. and they go look me up in the "big computer," and lo and behold I'm not in there either. We finally realize that I am not in the system because I changed my address to Maryland when I was living there. Even though, when I moved back when I was gawd-knows-how-pregnant I got all my voting stuff taken care of with the DMV. So, I had to vote provisional. That just SOUNDS like "Your vote prolly won't get counted." Ugh. I am so frustrated!!!! Whores!!!! Moral of this story: All the more reason to hate DMV.