Depression? Postpartum? SAD?

I just want to feel like myself again and less like this:

There are some major things that have happened (fairly) recently, that may be contributing factors to this. I'll go in sequential order: 

1. Got married (late 2010)
2. Got pregnant (December 2010)
3. Stopped working (August 2011)
4. Had Baby (August 2011)
5. Full time Mom (late 2011/early 2012)
6. ???? 

I know. None of those things are sad things, they are happy things. However, as any newly wed knows, there are major adjustments that happen upon starting a marriage. A lot of people think that if you live together before-hand that then when you're married it's the same. But it's not. There are certain changes that take place that take adjusting to - both good and bad. So, yes it's happy but a happy marriage takes a lot of hard work. Then with pregnancy the hormones and just being pregnant overall make it more uncomfortable/borderline miserable than enjoyable. I'd even go so far to say that the only enjoyable things about pregnancy are feeling the baby move, seeing the baby on a sonogram, and having bigger boobs. Then the baby coming makes for a very sleep-deprived and over-stressed/over-worked/over-everything lifestyle. Then being a full time Mom is alienating. It's been so hard. By far the hardest, loneliest thing ever.  

Since I don't have a circle of friends where we all started out with one child the same age so then we decide to have our second around the same time too, I don't always have a network of friends that I can call on for a play date/Mommy date. I do have a lovely circle of friends and I am grateful and thankful for them, we just aren't all at the same stage in our lives. 

I realize a lot of the reason why I don't have a network of girlfriends with kids is because up until this year I was working full-time ... and the last thing I wanted to do most weekends was send Lovie off for a play date. Due in large part to me enjoying having him around, missing him and he was having non-stop play time (all day 5 days a week) at daycare. I am also well aware that now, I can't always do playdates because of Lovie's preschool schedule and the fact that Baby Sister is so young and still so needy read: breastfeeding. 

So, I'm trying to keep a very realistic, very honest rationale for the reason for my depression/sadness and realize a lot of why I am this way is situational. And the Type A in me puts a plan into place called How I Can Fix It ... so Chapter 1 in How I Can Fix It is take steps to form/foster relationships with women who have kids approximately the same age as mine, which can be achieved by: 

1. Taking Mom's up on their offer to "get the kids together one afternoon"
2. Asking Mom's on Facebook for playdates
3. Joining a MOTTS group at Lovie's preschool (MOTTS = Mom's of Tots to Teens)
4. Becoming more involved at church
5. Keeping an ear out for other social activities

When I do have more flexibility to be more of a social butterfly with my children, I want to have a network to turn to. Also, depending on what we have going on each day, Baby Sister and Lovie can have very flexible schedules. That's why if a fellow Mom asks for a playdate, unless we have a doctors appointment or SOMEthing going on I won't decline. 

Also, part of Chapter 1 includes going to talk to someone. A therapist. Regardless of what it is, it's now my job to be the best, most productive Mom and wife (whether I was working or not). And that's what I am trying to be on a daily basis. Which may mean going back to work ... I'm not too proud or guilty to admit that I may be a working Mom ... hey if means I'm happy then that directly translates into a happy home/kids/husband. I just don't know, I do know I can't solve this problem on my own so I am going to therapy. A lot of this requires time and still adjusting to new schedules, routines ... Regardless, I'll keep you all posted on my progress and how things are going.

Motherhood is a struggle that's for sure. And that's something no one really does ever prepare you for.