Do I feel as though I'm settling into more of a routine? Yes. But do I enjoy that routine? Not always. I feel as though a majority of our time during the day is spent in the car. This is fine for Lovie since he's at preschool running around for three hours but since it's a 25 minute drive to and from his preschool that doesn't leave Baby Sister a lot of time for eating/napping/tummy time. Yes, there is plenty of time for tummy time in the afternoon/evening but you know. It's just not ideal. But, I guess you do the best you can with what you've got.
Do I like being a stay at home Mom? Yes and no. I love the fact that I'm able to be with them - morning, noon and night. And they are such happy kids. They are totally thriving. But I'm not. I miss working. I miss the drive to get something done by a deadline. I miss consistent adult interaction. I miss having tangible metrics for achieving success. I'd say the latter is the hardest thing about being a stay at home Mom - you have no idea whether you're successful or not, until they grow up to be either a priest or Eminem.
Currently, I'm pursuing part-time opportunities as well as full-time ones that have the flexibility to work from home some days. I think it'll be best for everyone. And I'm really looking forward to it. Also, being a stay at home Mom has been hard financially. We've had to cut back on some things and, selfishly, I don't want to cut back on certain things.
I've found that while I love being with my children I hate HATE housework. Hate it. I'm fine with it if that's not my only goal throughout the day. But it is. And I'm going insane. I just can't find joy in laundry or dishes or cleaning. And my admiration for those who do/have done it read: my amazing Mom grows exponentially every day.
I've learned I'd be a great housewife if I could also have the wealth of those of the Real Housewives of ... series. I'd enjoy being a stay at home Mom if my biggest worry was with whom I was going brunch that day or what color I wanted to paint my nails at my weekly mani/pedi. Yes. That I could get behind. At the very least I could totally get behind having a maid. *swoon*
And I'm finally able to talk to a therapist next week. It was the soonest appointment I could get. I know the grass isn't always greener, and that working will present itself with a new set of challenges to adapt to. I know that eventually I may be a stay at home Mom again - but it'll more likely than not be when I'm ready. I just don't think now is my time.
Regardless, I do know there is a happier patch of grass out there and I can't wait to find my happy patch!
Currently, I'm pursuing part-time opportunities as well as full-time ones that have the flexibility to work from home some days. I think it'll be best for everyone. And I'm really looking forward to it. Also, being a stay at home Mom has been hard financially. We've had to cut back on some things and, selfishly, I don't want to cut back on certain things.
I've found that while I love being with my children I hate HATE housework. Hate it. I'm fine with it if that's not my only goal throughout the day. But it is. And I'm going insane. I just can't find joy in laundry or dishes or cleaning. And my admiration for those who do/have done it read: my amazing Mom grows exponentially every day.
I've learned I'd be a great housewife if I could also have the wealth of those of the Real Housewives of ... series. I'd enjoy being a stay at home Mom if my biggest worry was with whom I was going brunch that day or what color I wanted to paint my nails at my weekly mani/pedi. Yes. That I could get behind. At the very least I could totally get behind having a maid. *swoon*
And I'm finally able to talk to a therapist next week. It was the soonest appointment I could get. I know the grass isn't always greener, and that working will present itself with a new set of challenges to adapt to. I know that eventually I may be a stay at home Mom again - but it'll more likely than not be when I'm ready. I just don't think now is my time.
Regardless, I do know there is a happier patch of grass out there and I can't wait to find my happy patch!
2 comments:
but is a priest really more successful than Eminem? cuz I mean, dude's sold a lot of records. just sayin....
seriously tho, glad to know you're looking at different options and that you'll have your appt soon. you'll find your happy patch shortly!!! until then, big hug!
You are not selfish because you don't want to cut back on things!
Now that that's out of the way, I've been thinking. Actually, I've been watching Breaking Bad.
I have struggled with depression for almost my whole life, and one thing I've found is that when I read or watch sad things, it really, really affects me. So I try to keep it to a minimum.
I thought that I wanted to be more in the loop on all these TV shows that everyone watches and talks about on Facebook, so one of the ones I started watching was Breaking Bad, starting from the first episode. And then I immediately stopped because as I was watching it, I felt my mood gradually but steadily becoming darker and darker. Oh my God that guy's life sucks. And I felt awful for him, even though I'm perfectly aware that he's fake, but that's just what I do. I think - there are actually people out there whose lives are THAT BAD.
So, just food for thought. It's a coping mechanism that I have, that I've been using for years, and I find that it really helps. Stay away from Breaking Bad and Nicholas Sparks books.
:)
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