How's Texas?!?

Texas the state is great so far. My Seasonal Affective(ness?) Disorder is gone, girl. There's so much sunshine I have built up a reserve for the cloudy days. Everyone is very friendly and lots of COWS!! LONGHORNS!! HORSIES!! Like. Everywhere. 

Temporary housing in Texas is ... Well, high level - it's fine. If I gave you a virtual tour you'd say: That's not so bad!! 

Closer look there's a lot of emphasis on the not so bad. 

The set up and layout is like a beach condo. Open, airy, you can almost feel the ocean breeze on your face when you close your eyes. Wait. What the ... Oh it was just baby drool. Exactly. It's exactly like that. Here are a couple like that  examples - 

Hardwood floors: Totally great. Easy clean up. No allergies.

Hardwood floors REALITY: What's that sound coming from the floor above us? Who is walking back and forth (and back and forth and back and ...) in high heels and dress shoes? Who walks around that much!?!? Especially between the hours of 6am to 10am and again from 5pm to midnight?!? A) Cool, Rocketts!! B) No less than 15 whores or C) Fifty Shades of Grey: The Musical. 

Disposal: Yay! No food laying around in the sink! 

Disposal REALITY: The disposal sounds like the world is ending. Pictures fall off the walls. Glasses shatter. It's basically like Celine Dion singing under these cabinets for an hour. Basically. 

Dishwasher: Thank goodness. My hands are already so dry from washing them after someone shits themselves. Hand washing is not an option. 

Dishwasher REALITY: It cleans with such gusto that it breaks the sound barrier when it switches cycles. Seriously, it wakes the baby up. I can't even hear myself think when it's running like right now ... Purple! No wait, Chinese food!! Aw hell, giraffes! Wait. What?!?

So. All in all ... It's like a Celine Dion under the cabinet live concert here. Or like, an onion. The more layers you pull back the more you start to cry and then ugly cry/gag.