I Get Kicked Out of Temporary Housing So You Don't Have To ...

You guys. Remember this post. Well, like most things in my life, it's come back to bite me in the ass. Butt!! I mean, I had really good reason for that post because RIGHT NOW as I am typing, there's a tap dance rendition of 50 Shades of Grey - Whore Edition going on. The key is ... am I complaining about it? Have we taken the time out of our day to call and complain about the obvious noise, that wakes me up at 5 am every day and I can still hear as I am falling asleep at 11:30 pm every night? No.

We had a knock on our door this morning by the property person (not a manager) that we were again being loud and, since we obviously ignored the first request of stop being too loud, are now being served a piece of paper that said if we didn't comply we have 24 hours to vacate.

Problems with property person and their notice, in three parts:
One, we never received the first notice. We told this to douchebag property person and got the response, that's not our problem. Well, acccccctually. It is. Becauuuuuuuse, you're telling us that we are ignoring a request we didn't know about; and then you're telling us that the next action is vacate. Two, the person told us that we were being especially loud during the early morning and late evening hours. I totally understand that this is annoying, if we were doing that. Mike, Matthew, and I are up at 6:30 am, the girls sleep soundly until we leave for taking Matthew to school at 7:15 am. We don't get back til 9 am. In the evening, the kids are sound asleep by 7:30 pm/8:00 pm at the latest. Obvious solution? Mike and I are very tempted to get some tap shoes. Three, he wouldn't tell us who filed the complaint or where their unit was located. This is important for a few reasons - if the person across the hall or even beneath us is hearing noise at early morning and late evening hours they could easily be hearing Heard O' Ho's. Another reason, it's basically stating that due to hearsay, we could be evicted.

Property person was suuuuuper helpful with a solution: call the company. The company is the company my husband's company uses to get relocated executives these sorts of properties. I took his super helpful advice and the company reassured us that the property person douchebag cannot kick us out in 24 hours notice and certainly can't do so without concrete proof. 

Is a family of five loud? Yes. Are toddlers loud? Yes. They have every right to play with their dolls and Matchbox cars. I cannot tell my 14 month old to walk softly. Like ... she won't listen. I am connnnnnstantly telling her not to touch her shit when I'm changing her poopy diaper. I promise you, she won't get walk softly. Are we loud from 8 pm to 9:15 pm and right now where it sounds like Herd o' Ho's playing soccer?!? Since 8 pm our apartment has been shaking. Seriously we are so getting tap shoes..

The sucky part of apartment living is that it sucks. Guys, Friday. Friday cannot come soon enough. 

Potty Training the Untold Truth

Ask anyone about potty training and you hear: 

You just gotta be consistent. Hang in there.

It's so much easier!

It's so much cheaper to be out of diapers/pull ups!

We skipped pull ups went straight to undies and never looked back!

So. They are all smoking crack. First of all. Second of all the only phrase that is accurate when you are physically potty training is the person who says hang in there. That person knows.

Is it cheaper? Maybe. Depends on what you're putting value on - sanity? Or cost of diapers? Pull ups are amazing. I'm a big advocate of sleep at night. I'm proud to say that we will do those at night til she's in college if we need to. It's a lot better than changing sheets because as if we need more laundry. For the LOVE!!!

This is my summary of potty training in three parts:

It's exhausting

It's like running a marathon ... To every bathroom all.day.long - but without the water stops and free t-shirt. 

Muscles hurt you didn't know you had

Let me tell you. I'm sore!! And I consider myself to be a fairly fit person. But this potty training has shown me that I don't do nearly enough squats. 

#chunkylittlethighsindeed

The most disgusting experience ever

I feel the need to bathe in Lysol at the end of the day. Because no child ever has to go to the bathroom before you leave the house. But the minute you are in the car, store or restaurant their little bladders magically fill up and you become very familiar with the insides of bathroom stalls. I could already provide a Zagat review of Frisco, TX bathrooms. What's cleaner? Changing a diaper in the trunk of a car? Or seeing the bottom of every pee splattered bathroom stall? Ok. So that's a bad example 😉

On a more positive note:

I'm lucky to have had an amazing pediatrician back in VA who encouraged me to not push it; that this is the one thing that is 100% up to Abigail. So, while it appears she's behind the curve in this department, she wasn't ready when I had tried to introduce it to her before. And he reassured me that this is totally normal. Now? Yes, she's almost 3 1/2 but she's let me know that she's ready because she's rocking it out. No accident yet and she's in undies all day. 

It's a long, tiring road but that's pretty much the mantra for having kids in general 😍

How's Texas?!?

Texas the state is great so far. My Seasonal Affective(ness?) Disorder is gone, girl. There's so much sunshine I have built up a reserve for the cloudy days. Everyone is very friendly and lots of COWS!! LONGHORNS!! HORSIES!! Like. Everywhere. 

Temporary housing in Texas is ... Well, high level - it's fine. If I gave you a virtual tour you'd say: That's not so bad!! 

Closer look there's a lot of emphasis on the not so bad. 

The set up and layout is like a beach condo. Open, airy, you can almost feel the ocean breeze on your face when you close your eyes. Wait. What the ... Oh it was just baby drool. Exactly. It's exactly like that. Here are a couple like that  examples - 

Hardwood floors: Totally great. Easy clean up. No allergies.

Hardwood floors REALITY: What's that sound coming from the floor above us? Who is walking back and forth (and back and forth and back and ...) in high heels and dress shoes? Who walks around that much!?!? Especially between the hours of 6am to 10am and again from 5pm to midnight?!? A) Cool, Rocketts!! B) No less than 15 whores or C) Fifty Shades of Grey: The Musical. 

Disposal: Yay! No food laying around in the sink! 

Disposal REALITY: The disposal sounds like the world is ending. Pictures fall off the walls. Glasses shatter. It's basically like Celine Dion singing under these cabinets for an hour. Basically. 

Dishwasher: Thank goodness. My hands are already so dry from washing them after someone shits themselves. Hand washing is not an option. 

Dishwasher REALITY: It cleans with such gusto that it breaks the sound barrier when it switches cycles. Seriously, it wakes the baby up. I can't even hear myself think when it's running like right now ... Purple! No wait, Chinese food!! Aw hell, giraffes! Wait. What?!?

So. All in all ... It's like a Celine Dion under the cabinet live concert here. Or like, an onion. The more layers you pull back the more you start to cry and then ugly cry/gag.

That time where the kids were thriving but I was not ...

Today, I achieved the impossible. I managed to get stranded inside Target.

You're thinking right now: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my dream. I'm jealous!

Not in broad daylight with three kids - one of which is cutting six teeth - you're not. 

How does this happen? Well. It happens when you let said teething child, nom nom nom on your keys because otherwise the world is ending. It happens somewhere between the parking lot where you are trying desperately to not have your children become pancakes and aisle number I DON'T KNOW WHERE ANYTHING IS and OMG the screaming, teething baby. It happens after you have paid for groceries (including milk products and freezer items) are walking with your children to the car reach for your keys and they aren't there. It happens when you empty the contents of your diaper bag in the parking lot only to realize OH. F@#%$!!! Trust me. The impossible CAN happen. 

So, I picked up the contents of my diaper bag, trucked everyone back inside Target with our full cart and retraced my steps like 5.5 million times. Somewhere around time 3 million I did have the wherewithal to call my husband who has the only other keys to the car. We retraced my steps together and still no keys. Checked with Guest Services to no keys. After crying UNCLE we gave up and left my number with the lady at Guest Services. All we can do is hope that someone turns them in, or finds them or whatever. 

I did learn that sometimes when you are praying and asking God for a sign and saying please, please lead me to the keys because even YOU God can hear how loud this baby is crying. Even He says: 

Sorry. I don't have a Me Damned clue where they could be either. Good luck.