Jorts are for Momjeans' and Momjeans' ONLY!!

I got another e-mail and a wink from a Hatch.com fellow. Yay! Right? No, Boo! First of all it took me forever to translate the acronyms that he spoke in he must have done the whole place-an-ad-in-the-paper-thing before. Second, well see below, I've put my comments in bold. Here's the e-mail: Hello! My name is ____, I was surfing the ads here at Hatch when I came across yours. After looking at your profile, I wanted to write to say "Hi" and introduce myself. I think we might possibly be compatible. Already, I can tell you we are not compatible. So, to start things off I thought I'd tell you a little about me. Please don't. Let's see, I'm a DWM Whaaaaaaa? who turned 40 this past April. WHAAAAAAAA??? I've already checked out at this point. I stand 5' 11" tall, with short brown hair, bright blue eyes, and I'm often told a very nice smile. :) Oh, so your smile sucks. I'm D/D WTF? free and physically I'm in good shape. Really? Your picture suggests otherwise. I have a good job, my own home, and I like to think I basically have my life together. All I'm really missing is a wonderful woman to share my life with. So, you're the clingy, stalker type. Cute. I have MANY interests and hobbies! Way too many to mention them all now. But a short list of some of the things I like would include: hiking, biking, camping, fishing, snow skiing, anything that can be done in the water - especially scuba diving, reading, computers, horseback riding, rollerskating, putt putt, bowling, traveling, movies, dancing, music - all types, but my favorite is oldies from the 50's and 60's, cooking, motorcycles, museums, and amusement parks. See, there really isn't too much I don't enjoy. Basically I like anything that puts a smile on my face! :) So, you have no backbone essentially. You'll do anything I want. Great. Lucky me. I placed my ad here at Match because I was hoping to find a nice, caring, warm hearted woman with a really great sense of humor. Ha! After this post I'm hardly "warm hearted." I'm hoping to find someone who values truth and honesty as much as I do. Life is just too short for anything else. So, now you know a little more about me. I hope I haven't scared you off or put you to sleep at your keyboard. Please write back and tell me more about you. You've scared me off, put me to sleep and I'm not going to write you back. Until then, I hope you have a great day. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you! Take care, _________:) What 40 year old man uses a smiley face? He'd be perfect if I were a Momjeans, because he's clearly a Jorts kind of guy. Jorts for those who don't know is best defined in the urban dictionary: Jean shorts. Worn mostly by children and douchebags. Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like. If you wear jorts, you probably don't talk to girls. Case and point, last bold sentence! Here's a visual for your Friday night enjoyment: