TV = Totally Vital

There are a few television shows that I am obsessed with ... obsessed being the perfect word choice. I've outlined them in order of the day of the week on which they air, not in order of favorite ... which would be tantamount to declaring which child you love more - it's just impossible. 

Sunday - The Walking Dead, 9:00pm on AMC

All I have to say is THANK GOD this show exists. How else would we know that zombies CAN climb stairs? contrary to popular belief. How else would we know that loud sounds attract zombies and that in the impending zombie-pocolypse it's knives we should stocking up on NOT guns? You're welcome. This show is amazing if not a little too real at times. The brave souls in this show fight the fight that I think we can all agree is indeed "Worst Case Senario." As for Rick, well, those who doubted his acting abilities in Love, Actually can now put those to rest. 

Monday -  Bethenny, Ever After, 9:00pm on Bravo

So she's slightly trannie, very neurotic and super Type A. But I love her. With my whole heart and soul. I will admit, this season is not as good as last so far ...  but I'll tune in every Monday the whole season. Especially since this season will be her last. Good news!! She's going to have a daytime talk show come June annnnd I'll watch that too. I just love her. 

Wednesday - Top Chef, 10:00pm on Bravo
Like Lovie, this show is my first love. I've been a loyal Top Chef fan since right before I met Mr. Nonmomjeans so about 3 years-ish? I love everything about this show, the hosts, the chef-testants, the format ... it rocks. As someone whose allergic to everything under the sun, it allows me for an hour to pretend that I can eat half the stuff these guys make. And they are all so creative, the talent and passion is truly inspiring. The finale is always bittersweet  because yes, it's exciting to see who wins, yet sad, because you know you won't get your Wednesday indulgence for a few months. 

Summer
Sunday - True Blood on HBO
This show is like vampire and werewolf reality. I can't watch it alone and have to watch it when I know Mr. Nonmomjeans won't be traveling. It's a freaky soft-porn if we're going to call a spade a spade here. So, not all the characters are believable and sometimes it's super cheesy but overall it's got a good story line, it's action packed and everyone is ridiculously good looking ...

Case. And. Point. 

Mid 2012
Series Finale of Breaking Bad on AMC
This was pretty heartbreaking news learning that this season, Season 5, will be the last. This is probably one of the most amazing shows ever. The character development is insane, the story line is complex and thrilling and keeps you guessing, and the attention to detail within each episode is similar to that on Lost. And I really wish I paid more attention in Chemistry so that I could be a billionaire making meth.

These five are TOTALLY VITAL TO MY NON ADULT INTERACTION EXISTANCE (!!!).

I also enjoy Millionaire Matchmaker, Rachel Zoe Project, Work of Art, The Office and Up All Night. If I miss these it's fine, they are not vital. If anything they are mindless entertainment to have on while cleaning.

Motion Pictures

Thor
What a name right? But let's not judge a movie by it's name shall we? Cause, just so happens Thor is ridiculously good looking a shockingly good movie. However, you must have an affinity, at least a small one, for super heroes. Growing up with two younger brothers I was left with no choice BUT to love super heroes ... and trade X-Men cards ssshhhh.

Let's say you don't care for super heroes. That's fine. An affinity for men that look like they were chissled from a piece of molten hot lava works great too. It's a fun movie. A good break from the heat if you will. Natalie Portman is in it too. Given the option, I'd do her or Thor I don't know his name in real life.

Pirates
What's more fun than a pirate? OK, so a lot of things but still ... Johnny Depp as a pirate is a pretty fun, good time. Typically, the last few Pirates of so-and-so have bored me to tears because of the following:

a of all Keira Knightley's horrible teeth when she opens her mouth
b of all Orlando Bloom is a prissy ninny
c of all 3.5 hour long movies are just too long to watch people who have bad teeth and are prissy ninnies

So,  they have tended to put me to sleep. But, this latest installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean series kept me awake the whole time and I love, love, loved every minute of it. Also, it has mermaids!!

Pirates + Mermaids = Childhood memories
Huh? Read below:

Myth: Mermaids are real.

Fact: Regardless of that, every summer my best friend and I would go to the pool and spend all day pretending our legs were hooked together and swim around like mermaids.  

Needless to say I really, really wanted to find a body of water and pretend that I was mermaid. But I'm an adult ... And that'd just be plain silly ... *clears throat, nervous laughter*

Ummm ... Would we call that, attractive???

You can read every What to Expect When You're blahblahblah book and they will tell you that there's NOTHING more beautiful and precious and desirable than being pregnant. And that everything is glorious about it eeeven if you're throwing up your life every morning. It's fine. Means the babe is healthy.

Well. Guess what's NOT attractive? Blood shot eyes + trying not to purge at work + drinking lukewarm water = I feel sooo beautiful!!

I've gone ahead and put together a list of some other "attractive" qualities in pregnancy.


Dinner Plates. - Cause we all aspire for our areolas to look like this:

Actual size during pregnancy.

Oh, and what's that? It's because the baby needs to able to see them when they're breast feeding. Awesome. Cause I'm pretty sure s/he could SEE them through a bra AND a black shirt. From a mile away. Just saying.

WARNING: Wide Load. - No matter how cute you are in the front. Turn around and take a peek at that rear ... 

Actual reaction.

A literal "OMG." But I don't think one exclamation point is enough.

Pizza. - I'm hungry ... for your face. Which looks like a 13 year old boy's or a hearty pepperoni pizza. Loves the acne. That crystal clear skin?? It's a What To Expect When You're Pregnant in Heaven lie. A pregnancy trap lie.

Sexy Can I? - Pit stains? Swamp ass? Hot. Literally. In fact during pregnancy you sweat so much that you start to think you have glandular issue.

Victoria's Secret. - Skinny bitches.

Stop sending me your magazines while I'm pregnant k? And while you're at it. Eat a mayonnaise sandwich. And for the record - my boobs are bigger than your chicken cutlet push up boobs. So. Suck it.

OK, OK that was more of a vent. A totally legit vent.

You'll start showing "sooner" with the second. - Liars!! I've looked like I was 5 months pregnant since the day I took a pregnancy test. How much "sooner" than that does it get?!?

Stoma's. - You're going to immediately be whisked into trach surgery after you deliver from all the heartburn. And nothing says to your husband that you're ready for a little romance like the voice of Stephen Hawking to seduce him.

Yes. Being pregnant is a miracle. But no, it's not pretty. Happy Easter all!!

Cute vs. Pretty vs. Beautiful vs. Hot

What deems people to be classified in these categories? Which one is the best and which one is the most insulting? Different women/men will have differing opinions. Whilst they are all better than being called ugly/fugly/hideous, depending on the context they are used in, however, they can be slightly insulting. Lets dig in. Cute So, when I hear a guy describe a girl as "cute", I think of a short, petite, attractive but not strikingly so, gal. Conversely, when I hear a girl call a guy this, I think of a handsome, fit, and tall guy. If a celebrity were to fall into this category immediately Kate Hudson pops into my head and for the male contingent I think of Uncle Jessie. However, being called cute can also be the most annoying "compliment" ever. What the hell does it mean???!!!??? We don't look like a teddy bear and we aren't 5! So, what gives?!? Maybe Webster can help. Let me consult: 1.attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment. 2. affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms. Hmm. Both refer to children in the description. Case and point. Pretty I feel that this is the most insulting of the categories to be lumped into. I get the sense that it means you are OK to look at but are pretty much dead behind the eyes. Not a lot going for you. Maybe you have an attractive face but the rest of you is hurting or vice versa. I wouldn't want to be called pretty. Pretty, as in what? A good example of a celebrity gal would be Kim Kardashian and male, Jean Claude Van Damme. Neither one of these people strike me as being the total package and, I think, would be suuuuuper boring to talk to. Webster says: 1.pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy or gracefulness: a pretty face. 2.(of things, places, etc.) pleasing to the eye, esp. without grandeur. Again. Case closed. Beautiful In my opinion, this is the highest honor to bestow upon someone. It denotes that they are the total package: attractive, good personality, a nice physique, etc. They take care of themselves, in other words. What girl doesn't love to hear from her boyfriend, "You look beautiful tonight," or, "To me you are the most beautiful girl in the world." Whether they mean it or not, it's nice to hear and makes you feel on top of the world. The male equivalent to this would be handsome... gentlemanly, nice, attractive, good physique etc. Beautiful celebrities include: Jennifer Connelly and Christian Bale aka My Husband. Lets see if Webbie agrees: 1.having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech. 2.Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight. Yep. He concurs. Hot This is a backhanded compliment. It preeeetty much means that you are seen as a piece of meat. You'd be good for a one-night stand and it stops and ends there. Or you are so attractive that men only fantasize about you but wouldn't dare take you home to meet Mom & Dad. These guys and girls are totally unattainable by anyone than other "Hots." The perfect celebrity example would be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Perfect. Or Fergie and Josh Duhamel. A fantasy person essentially. They exude so much sex appeal you can feel it. These guys and girls move FAST. If you are Hot and you cheat on your significant other, it's with another Hot. Webster says: Slang.

a.	sexually aroused; lustful.

b.	sexy; attractive.

Again, case and point. These are merely my opinions. A coworker brought up the topic the other day and got me thinking. Now, I'm sure many people who have been called any, or all, of the categories were pleased to be classified as such. However, after personally being called any or all of these throughout the years, you realize which ones have meaning and which ones are meaningless. Again, all are better than being called ugly or But-her-face pronounced Butterface.