Stress

So, you'll remember the post last month about being sad? Since then I've been to a therapist to talk my way through various Angela Agenda items and it's been a huge help. Two sessions ago, on my Birthday to be exact, she left me with a packet on stress and my objective before the next session was to read through it. Read through it I did and boy do we have one stressed lady on our hands. 

The first page in the packet was on Signs of Stress including bodily signs (tense muscles, headaches, frequent colds, breathing difficulties), feeling signs (uneasy, nervous, helpless, dissatisfied, frustrated, apathetic), behavioral signs (act irritable, negativistic; verbal mistakes, timid/withdrawn) and thinking signs (self doubt, racing thoughts, think you need help, difficulty concentrating). The second page is titled You and Stress and is a test of sorts to see just how stressed you are. There is a column on the left with various situations/life events and a numerical score attached to them. The exercise is to go through the column of life events/situations and see how many have happened/apply to you in the past year. Tally up the score and then see the chart below to determine how stressed you really are. Well, my score was 487. Apparently, any score over 300 states the following:

You now have a 9 in 10 chance of a serious health change in the next two years.

Hooray!!

I voiced my concern to my therapist about how that score was alarming/scary. As with most things, the first step is recognizing the stress. And the next is to recognize when stressful events are about to occur and planning/manage them accordingly. Example:

Pregnancy:
Recognize that it's going to be stressful
Realize that things that were previously able to be accomplished in a day may not be ever?
Cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit

Ha. Or don't have a baby less than a year after you get married. 

As for ways to effectively manage stress, the packet suggests healthy diet and exercise. Which seems to be the answer for pretty much anything these days. And another key factor that my therapist told me to do was to get some human interaction during the day. Of which currently I have little to none of. And to give myself a break. Those are things I can start doing NOW to solve the immediate need of A 31 year old should not have that much stress in her life and how can we reduce it.

Here's my immediate action plan:
while Lovie is at school go to the gym and take an exercise class (there is free babysitting for Baby Sister), look into working at Nordstrom a few evenings during the week and one weekend day or look into going back to work part time and start accomplishing some of my dreams.

One dream I've had for probably the past five to six years is to be a personal shopper. I've always loved shopping for others, shopping in general and love to run errands. Most hate errands and grocery shopping in particular, but it's something I've always enjoyed. Why not give it a go? What do I have to lose?

In the packet, and through talking to my therapist, it's mentioned often that once stress is recognized it can be used in a positive way. To solve a problem, to push us to do something that we may not have thought we could or to learn. While I'm stressed that I'm stressed, I'm also excited to put some of these tools to use and for what the future holds. Stay tuned!!

Update: Mental Health

So, things have been going. Not good, not bad, just going. 

Do I feel as though I'm settling into more of a routine? Yes. But do I enjoy that routine? Not always. I feel as though a majority of our time during the day is spent in the car. This is fine for Lovie since he's at preschool running around for three hours but since it's a 25 minute drive to and from his preschool that doesn't leave Baby Sister a lot of time for eating/napping/tummy time. Yes, there is plenty of time for tummy time in the afternoon/evening but you know. It's just not ideal. But, I guess you do the best you can with what you've got. 

Do I like being a stay at home Mom? Yes and no. I love the fact that I'm able to be with them - morning, noon and night. And they are such happy kids. They are totally thriving. But I'm not. I miss working. I miss the drive to get something done by a deadline. I miss consistent adult interaction. I miss having tangible metrics for achieving success. I'd say the latter is the hardest thing about being a stay at home Mom - you have no idea whether you're successful or not, until they grow up to be either a priest or Eminem.

Currently, I'm pursuing part-time opportunities as well as full-time ones that have the flexibility to work from home some days. I think it'll be best for everyone. And I'm really looking forward to it. Also, being a stay at home Mom has been hard financially. We've had to cut back on some things and, selfishly, I don't want to cut back on certain things.

I've found that while I love being with my children I hate HATE housework. Hate it. I'm fine with it if that's not my only goal throughout the day. But it is. And I'm going insane.  I just can't find joy in laundry or dishes or cleaning. And my admiration for those who do/have done it read: my amazing Mom grows exponentially every day.

I've learned I'd be a great housewife if I could also have the wealth of those of the Real Housewives of ... series. I'd enjoy being a stay at home Mom if my biggest worry was with whom I was going brunch that day or what color I wanted to paint my nails at my weekly mani/pedi. Yes. That I could get behind. At the very least I could totally get behind having a maid. *swoon*

And I'm finally able to talk to a therapist next week. It was the soonest appointment I could get. I know the grass isn't always greener, and that working will present itself with a new set of challenges to adapt to. I know that eventually I may be a stay at home Mom again - but it'll more likely than not be when I'm ready. I just don't think now is my time.

Regardless, I do know there is a happier patch of grass out there and I can't wait to find my happy patch!

Snow!

Last weekend we had a snow storm ... we got about 5 inches. While it was beautiful, I've already had my fill and hope that we don't get anymore this year. 

Lovie had a great time though:

Such a little snow bunny ... Thank you Miss Maria for my panda bear hat!

Valentine's Day

OH goodie!! A totally made-up Holiday ... actually it's such a horrible holiday it doesn't even deserve to be capitalized.

Yes, I have a Valentine and yes, I still hate Valentine's Day.

That being said, and because the day is just so stupid, I thought:
Wouldn't it be nice to get each other a present???

So, we got each other something special.

All Mr. Nonmomjeans could talk about was how much he wanted a cast iron skillet. I'm pretty sure he even put that in his Match.com profile. We just don't seem to carry them here in Virginia, oddly enough. So in a magazine I was reading, it just so happened that an editor loved hers from Lodge Cast Iron Cookware and it comes preseasoned! Valentine's gift problem solved. Mr. Nonmomjeans also has delicate hands that are sensitive to heat so I thought it'd also be nice if I got him a handle protector for his precious phalanges.

I've never had a massage or a spa day. So I was pretty excited to see this:

Let's just say this overworked Momma is really looking forward to that little treat.

The icing on the cake was Lovie and Baby Sister's red roses and the sweet card they both signed.

The penmanship alone is enough to make any Mother proud.

But I still hate Valentine's Day.

Perfect

I think the American Dream as far as kids is concerned is two - a boy and a girl. This is affirmed on a daily basis. If I'm out with Baby Sister while Lovie is in preschool, I get a lot of: "Oh how old is she?" or "What a cute baby" followed by: "Is this your only one?" or "Does she have any siblings?" When I mention that she has an older brother who is four and a half I ALWAYS get this response: "How perfect! A boy and a girl! Now you can stop!" Or "How perfect! One of each!" To which I always say, "Yes, we are blessed, but we still would like to have one more."

And it's true. We are blessed. Both kids are happy and healthy and cute and thriving. But a.) having a boy and a girl, at least to me, isn't perfect (I'll explain) and b.) just cause we have one of each doesn't mean that we shouldn't/don't want one more. 

To me, perfect is two boys, even three boys. That's right. No girls. Why? Well, it kinda sucks being a girl. You have a period. (I could literally stop right there.) And atrocious mood swings and other girls are vicious in middle school and going to any sort of dressy-function is a nightmare ... because let's face it - we dress for other women not for our husbands. Girls are bitchy. If you don't look/dress/comb your hair a certain way you may not have friends. Barbies are expensive (to be fair so are Thomas the Tank Engine trains). So, there's a lot of crap that goes in to being a girl. A lot of high maintenance. A lot of mood. And then one day, if you're "lucky" you get to push a watermelon out of your hoo-ha and see your body go through a real-live science experiment. Neat. 

So, you may be calling Child Protective Services right now, because I have a little girl and just a paragraph above mentioned I want all boys. I love Baby Sister and wouldn't trade her for anything. And I love her with my whole heart and soul. She is perfect. It's just, my idea of perfect is different from the "norm." We do want to have one more, and yes, I hope it's a boy.

I still stand by the statement that I have made all-along since I found out that she was a girl: 

I'm not looking forward to her starting puberty cause there is nothing "happy" about a period. 

Period.

Life 2.0

It's interesting, having a baby with a husband. It's also interesting having had a baby before having a husband. Both were incredibly happy experiences ... and equally terrifying (I don't care what anyone says childbirth is scary), and both were incredibly different for me personally.

When I had Lovie 4.5 years ago I was single and moved back to my hometown to live with my parents, until I met someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with ... however, long that took, even if it never did (we'd eventually have moved out on our own, my little man and I). The actual day that Lovie was born, I was surrounded by my family and closest friends. I knew then, despite how hard the road was going to be, that I was going to be OK. Living with my parents was great. At any given time (since my brothers were still living at home) there were 4 sets of hands to help hold the baby, play with the baby and provide guidance/answer any questions I may have had about child rearing. Most importantly, what I remember loving the most is that I didn't have to share him with anyone. I got to give him all the cuddles and didn't have to worry about sharing quality time or anything else involving child rearing. As I had always intended, the child doesn't go a single day without knowing that he's the most loved little boy in the world. That for me is a win.

When I met Husband through Match.com my life changed again, in a different way. A life where I just can't imagine him not in it ... true love. Shortly, after we were married I became pregnant with Baby Sister. The day I went in to be induced the East Coast experienced a random earthquake ... spending 2 hours out in the hospital parking lot for evacuation was not how I anticipated things being "sped up." After 14 hours of labor she was born! She's a huge baby ... she was born 9lbs 9oz (about the size of a three month old) which makes me happy, since I gained 50lbs with her and looked as if I was going to birth a horse. 

Her birth experience was entirely different. Throughout the evening (since labor was so long) we were again surrounded by our closest friends and family. As I was approaching delivery and for the actual delivery it was just Husband. He was amazing. Giving me just the right amount of attention, assurance and love (my feet were so itchy so he spent a majority of time scratching them for me ... that's love). Then she was born, and we both experienced such a wave of emotion and happiness (during labor they lost her heartbeat cause the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice ... hearing her cry was music to our ears). But then, I wanted my baby. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to cuddle her. I wanted to change her diaper and her clothes. I didn't want anyone else. Not even my husband. The times when he did, I felt as though he was hogging her. I felt jealousy towards my new baby girl.

I have never been good at sharing and it was really hard for me to share her in those first few days. Especially, going 2.5 years with Lovie and not having to share him at all. Since, then if anything, I am thrilled that I can share her with Husband. I love when he gets to hold her cause it frees me up to do the gazillion things that I don't get to do. If anything, I don't think he spends enough time with her.

When we brought her home, life was really, really hard. Adjusting was hard, for all of us, including Lovie. Dealing my own self-doubt was hard ... it's amazing how much you forget in four years and having a new baby. I felt as though I should know how to do everything, but it all seemed so foreign. Even though my Mom was just three miles away it seemed like countries and oceans because she wasn't right there with me. This was the first time for Husband so it was like the blind leading the blind. But he really rose to the challenge. He encouraged me when times were hard -  and more than anything he was just there. We tackled everything as a team. When she cried for her every 3 hour feedings, he was the one who got up changed her and then brought her in to me so I could nurse her. If she fussed he would often times go in and rock her so that I could get some sleep ... knowing that my days were going to be just as tiring as his, since I was home with her all day AND a wily four year old.

What a lot of people don't realize is that when you breastfeed, you burn calories, a whopping 1,300 a day. That's like running 12 miles. It's tiring. Imagine being the most tired you've ever been and then having to go run 12 miles on top of it. That's what breastfeeding some days feels like. Then imagine that you also have to entertain another child, keep the house in some semblance of normalcy and be an overall pleasant human being.

Going through this experience with a "teammate" was an adjustment but we came out of it more in love than before. He's definitely my best friend and some days, my only adult conversation. We will have #3 one day, because I can't imagine not having one more. And Baby Sister is so magical and cute that I can't imagine not having another baby with him. In all, we are a happy family of four, taking life one day at a time and (trying) to enjoy every minute ... some days are more of a "win" than others but I'm OK with that. That after all, is life. 

Motion Pictures

Thor
What a name right? But let's not judge a movie by it's name shall we? Cause, just so happens Thor is ridiculously good looking a shockingly good movie. However, you must have an affinity, at least a small one, for super heroes. Growing up with two younger brothers I was left with no choice BUT to love super heroes ... and trade X-Men cards ssshhhh.

Let's say you don't care for super heroes. That's fine. An affinity for men that look like they were chissled from a piece of molten hot lava works great too. It's a fun movie. A good break from the heat if you will. Natalie Portman is in it too. Given the option, I'd do her or Thor I don't know his name in real life.

Pirates
What's more fun than a pirate? OK, so a lot of things but still ... Johnny Depp as a pirate is a pretty fun, good time. Typically, the last few Pirates of so-and-so have bored me to tears because of the following:

a of all Keira Knightley's horrible teeth when she opens her mouth
b of all Orlando Bloom is a prissy ninny
c of all 3.5 hour long movies are just too long to watch people who have bad teeth and are prissy ninnies

So,  they have tended to put me to sleep. But, this latest installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean series kept me awake the whole time and I love, love, loved every minute of it. Also, it has mermaids!!

Pirates + Mermaids = Childhood memories
Huh? Read below:

Myth: Mermaids are real.

Fact: Regardless of that, every summer my best friend and I would go to the pool and spend all day pretending our legs were hooked together and swim around like mermaids.  

Needless to say I really, really wanted to find a body of water and pretend that I was mermaid. But I'm an adult ... And that'd just be plain silly ... *clears throat, nervous laughter*

Mother's Day

Never have I ever felt the need to back-peddle with appreciation as I do with my Mom.

Looking back I can fully admit that I was a pill/bitch/obnoxious ... and we have the home videos to prove it ... and she still loves me. Not only does she love ME, but she loves my husband and my Lovie and Baby Sister. That's true love right there.

When you hear everyone say "being a Mother is the hardest thing you will ever do," they are absolutely correct (note: the SATs come in a close second ... especially if you aren't a good test taker like me). No amount of advice from your own Mom, books, books on tape, videos, nurses, birth classes, etc. can prepare you for what your own experience is going to be like. And no matter how social you are and how many of you and your friends decided to have a "pregnancy pact" (bad idea if you are 14 and want a doll baby ... go to the store and buy an effing doll baby), it's very lonely at times. Adding to the loneliness are the Mom's who think that their children are angels all the time.

Point being - Motherhood is a hard job. Knowing that my Mom experienced everything and more that I have gone through so far with Lovie makes me appreciate her that much more.

To celebrate Mother's Day this year my husband and Lovie made me a delicious breakfast that consisted of an egg sandwich, then we went to Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden to look at all the beautiful flowers (and got a free plant in the process!), went to lunch at Mexico and then had my parents over for dinner. It was a great way to celebrate being a Mom. Here are some pictures from the beautiful Mother's Day we had:

Yes. I promise there is only one in there.

Aren't they cute!? My two loves.

I had never seen peonies before. I think I'm in love.

Peter Rabbit's house. Yes. THE Peter Rabbit.

I hope all the other Mommy readers had a good Mother's Day as well!!

Easter 2011

Easter is always one of my favorite Holidays - because the focus is on children getting presents from a mythical giant bunny someone was smoking some serious juice when they thought that concept would be a good idea and spending time with family over a ridiculous amount of food.

In summary: Holidays that involve ridiculous amounts of food consumption are my favorite.

The hardest part in our house, the Parker house, is finding the right time for the Easter Bunny to present him/herself. Last year Mike and I totally forgot about Easter so The Bunny came during Lovie's nap time so that The Bunny could gather some presents.

Easter Bunny challenge: Lovie cannot have an ounce of chocolate or else the Devil himself is present for the remainder of the day. 

So, The Bunny fills Lovie's basket with various and sundry non-chocolate treats like DVD's and little trinket toys and chewable candies. Last year The Bunny went all. out.

Complete with Bunny footprints ... Lovie was very distressed about this

But very pleased with his basket of treats

The Bunny also leaves Easter eggs in the front yard for an afternoon Easter egg hunt.

In summary: Easter 2010 was a resounding success ... Winning.

Well, this Easter we had to carry on the mid-afternoon tradition. So, that meant making sure SOMEone had/took a nap. Since we had all the preparations for Easter this year there was no excuse for The Bunny to not come in the morning. But being the horrid parents we are, we still couldn't get our act together to have The Bunny come in the morning AND come to find out, this was good bribery:

If we keep stealing other children's Easter eggs/standing on the pews in church/crawling on the floor at brunch I'm going to call The Easter Bunny and he won't bring you your basket.

So, that worked very well. Until actual nap time needed to happen - getting a certain SOMEone to take a nap these days is no small feat. Especially since he's moved into his "big boy bed." Never the less, after a good 2 hours of reenacting the Exorcist nap he eventually took. Allowing The Bunny to get the Easter preparations, set up Lovie's basket of treats and hide some eggs.

In summary: Easter 2011 was a success despite a brief run-in with devil possession.

Other ways in which Easter 2011 > Easter 2010: 
a.) We all went to church in the morning, before church there was an Easter egg hunt on the lawn of the Capitol. Lovie made out like a bandit;

Pre-said Easter egg hunt on Capitol lawn ... proof we went to church ...

b.) We had brunch with Nana and Papa afterwards no proof of this, you'll have to take my word for it, if you know me, you're lucky you're seeing pictures of a Holiday. You're welcome;
c.) Another egg hunt after nap again count your blessings;
d.) Dinner using the new china with Nana, Papa and Uncle Johnny no proof they actually came but keep in mind we wouldn't set all that china out for imaginary friends.

The china looked so pretty, I wish it translated better via pictures ... while we had our work cut out for us hand washing the dishes afterwards, it was so fun to use it all!

The Going's On ...

Lately life has been going at light speed 'round these parts. Feels like treading water trying to keep up. Not having a lot of energy/not sleeping isn't really making things easier.

Lovie is in soccer, like he was last Fall. However, either the Y doesn't really have their act together this season or things are just more organized in the Fall. This thing has been crazy to say the least. Right hand doesn't talk to the left, we don't have a coach so the parents rotate (Right. Cause that's not confusing to already wound up 3 to 4 year olds.), and it's pollen central. Soccer lately is classified as Mike and Lovie "doing boy things," meaning Mommy does laundry stays home. This is in large part because I just say the word Spring and get a sinus infection.

We're having a baby. Which means, essentially, starting from square one ... not only cause it's a girl, but because things like car seats expire (so add that to the list), strollers break (add that too) and we don't have a crib (Lovie was using one my parents lent us ... add that too), girl clothes are needed (I have a mini panic attack every time I think about all the clothes we are going to need), outfitting a room (dinosaurs just don't seem appropriate for a baby girl) ... I could go on. So, there has been a considerable amount of shopping going on ... thank goodness for HomeGoods and huge online nursery sales at Pottery Barn Kids. If you want to take a ganders at the crib we got here it is.  I really love it and can't wait for it to arrive. We are going to register too. This is because we know people will want to get something for the baby at some point ... and it would be good to point them in the direction of a list of what we need.

We're also technically still newlyweds. SO, since our 6 month anniversary is tomorrow (!!! can you believe it!?! 6 months of wedded bliss) we are going out for a date night on Saturday night. I'm pretty excited. It's the first one in a loooooong time. Much needed.

House projects are lining up fast and furious. My fantastic husband has practically transformed our yard into a green beacon (I will have to post some pictures), he stained our front porch and back deck, and he's toying with putting in a patio underneath the back deck. I'm so happy I married a handyman with a green thumb. Neither of which I have (nor do I want to have).

In cute news ... Mike calls me "Sweetie" and I call him "Honey." It never ceases to make me smile and laff when Lovie from the bottom of the stairs if we are getting ready to walk out the door will say, "Come on Sweetie. We gotta get going." Or when Mike is driving, and perhaps we aren't driving fast enough for Lovie's liking (he's a total back seat driver) says, "Honnneyyyy. Goooo. Go, Honey." He's a tiny magical lovie for sure.

Oh. And because both Mike and I know a lot about T-ball, and even more about T-ball with 4 year olds, we thought it'd be a good idea to start Lovie in T-ball. Ha.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Stereotypical ...

What's more stereotypical in pregnancy than pickles and ice cream? However, since I can't eat ice cream (pesky milk allergy) I will have to settle for fried pickles. And. They are heaven on earth.

Saturday night we went to a Flying Squirrels (Richmond's horribly named minor league baseball team) baseball game with Lovie and his little friend from school and her Mom and Dad. I went to the concession stand to get us some grub (where us = me) and omgah! I saw Fried Pickles on the menu and I had to try them. They were fried pickle spears which was totally bi-winning because they were tasty dill and easy to manage. Not to mention they were so, so, so good. So good in fact that when Husband went up later to get us more grub (where us = him) I requested another round of fried pickles.

Here's exactly what my delicious little friends looked like:

Well not exactly what they looked like ... mine came in a paper tray covered in grease

Swoon.

Lovie aka Hell Boy.

Lovie is going to be 4 this year. FOUR. Can you believe it? Seems like just yesterday he looked like this:

I want to eat him alive.

And now that he's all grown up and four, he looks like this:

Too bad you can't see how cute his hammies are.

However, don't let that cute little smile and those sweet as pie crossed leggies fool you. We're going through hell a stage right now. And "we" is actually very fitting, as many days Mike and I feel like we're at our wits end and have actually reasoned why locking ourselves in a closet wouldn't be such a BAD thing?!? It'd be fine.

Apparently, what we have on our hands ladies and gentlemen, is a very stubborn and smart and hard headed little guy. Routines that used to be ... err routine ... are now a battle. From getting dressed in the morning, to pouring and subsequently eating cereal, to tucking our shirt in just so, to wanting to wet the bed at night not wanting to wear a pull-up to bed ... I could go on.

On more than one occasion it's made me consider myself the worst mother in the world. What kind of mother can I be if I apparently have no control over my child? Who in God's heaven of decision makers thought it'd be a good idea to bless me with a SECOND child OMG we're having a second child when I have done such an apparently horrible job with the first? What kind of cruel joke is this?

But alas not all days are bad thank you Baby Jesus and we've found that the closer we keep him to a schedule and the more strict, firm and consistent WE are with him the better HE is. I have heard from more than one parent that this is a stage that will pass and as long as we are firm with him things will get better. I've also found that giving him more independence and freedom work wonders for this little guy. He loves making choices on his own and he loves doing things on his own. So, we've tried to incorporate more choosing and doing. And I guess there's the whole I love him to teeny tiny pieces even when he's possessed by the devil going through this stage.

What also makes this stage so hard is that 3 was SUCH a good stage for us. Oh it was a dream and so far my absolute favorite. He was talking up a storm, potty trained, and just an over all little ham of a man. He was such a little buddy. And this stage is just so opposite. I'm looking forward to coming out of whatever this is and moving on to the next one. I know they evolve and change so I hope these are all steps forward. If there's one thing he's been from the get go it's been feisty and full of personality. Boy. Is that ever true.

*sigh* As I tell him every day, "Thank heavens you're cute."