Stress

So, you'll remember the post last month about being sad? Since then I've been to a therapist to talk my way through various Angela Agenda items and it's been a huge help. Two sessions ago, on my Birthday to be exact, she left me with a packet on stress and my objective before the next session was to read through it. Read through it I did and boy do we have one stressed lady on our hands. 

The first page in the packet was on Signs of Stress including bodily signs (tense muscles, headaches, frequent colds, breathing difficulties), feeling signs (uneasy, nervous, helpless, dissatisfied, frustrated, apathetic), behavioral signs (act irritable, negativistic; verbal mistakes, timid/withdrawn) and thinking signs (self doubt, racing thoughts, think you need help, difficulty concentrating). The second page is titled You and Stress and is a test of sorts to see just how stressed you are. There is a column on the left with various situations/life events and a numerical score attached to them. The exercise is to go through the column of life events/situations and see how many have happened/apply to you in the past year. Tally up the score and then see the chart below to determine how stressed you really are. Well, my score was 487. Apparently, any score over 300 states the following:

You now have a 9 in 10 chance of a serious health change in the next two years.

Hooray!!

I voiced my concern to my therapist about how that score was alarming/scary. As with most things, the first step is recognizing the stress. And the next is to recognize when stressful events are about to occur and planning/manage them accordingly. Example:

Pregnancy:
Recognize that it's going to be stressful
Realize that things that were previously able to be accomplished in a day may not be ever?
Cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit

Ha. Or don't have a baby less than a year after you get married. 

As for ways to effectively manage stress, the packet suggests healthy diet and exercise. Which seems to be the answer for pretty much anything these days. And another key factor that my therapist told me to do was to get some human interaction during the day. Of which currently I have little to none of. And to give myself a break. Those are things I can start doing NOW to solve the immediate need of A 31 year old should not have that much stress in her life and how can we reduce it.

Here's my immediate action plan:
while Lovie is at school go to the gym and take an exercise class (there is free babysitting for Baby Sister), look into working at Nordstrom a few evenings during the week and one weekend day or look into going back to work part time and start accomplishing some of my dreams.

One dream I've had for probably the past five to six years is to be a personal shopper. I've always loved shopping for others, shopping in general and love to run errands. Most hate errands and grocery shopping in particular, but it's something I've always enjoyed. Why not give it a go? What do I have to lose?

In the packet, and through talking to my therapist, it's mentioned often that once stress is recognized it can be used in a positive way. To solve a problem, to push us to do something that we may not have thought we could or to learn. While I'm stressed that I'm stressed, I'm also excited to put some of these tools to use and for what the future holds. Stay tuned!!

Depression? Postpartum? SAD?

I just want to feel like myself again and less like this:

There are some major things that have happened (fairly) recently, that may be contributing factors to this. I'll go in sequential order: 

1. Got married (late 2010)
2. Got pregnant (December 2010)
3. Stopped working (August 2011)
4. Had Baby (August 2011)
5. Full time Mom (late 2011/early 2012)
6. ???? 

I know. None of those things are sad things, they are happy things. However, as any newly wed knows, there are major adjustments that happen upon starting a marriage. A lot of people think that if you live together before-hand that then when you're married it's the same. But it's not. There are certain changes that take place that take adjusting to - both good and bad. So, yes it's happy but a happy marriage takes a lot of hard work. Then with pregnancy the hormones and just being pregnant overall make it more uncomfortable/borderline miserable than enjoyable. I'd even go so far to say that the only enjoyable things about pregnancy are feeling the baby move, seeing the baby on a sonogram, and having bigger boobs. Then the baby coming makes for a very sleep-deprived and over-stressed/over-worked/over-everything lifestyle. Then being a full time Mom is alienating. It's been so hard. By far the hardest, loneliest thing ever.  

Since I don't have a circle of friends where we all started out with one child the same age so then we decide to have our second around the same time too, I don't always have a network of friends that I can call on for a play date/Mommy date. I do have a lovely circle of friends and I am grateful and thankful for them, we just aren't all at the same stage in our lives. 

I realize a lot of the reason why I don't have a network of girlfriends with kids is because up until this year I was working full-time ... and the last thing I wanted to do most weekends was send Lovie off for a play date. Due in large part to me enjoying having him around, missing him and he was having non-stop play time (all day 5 days a week) at daycare. I am also well aware that now, I can't always do playdates because of Lovie's preschool schedule and the fact that Baby Sister is so young and still so needy read: breastfeeding. 

So, I'm trying to keep a very realistic, very honest rationale for the reason for my depression/sadness and realize a lot of why I am this way is situational. And the Type A in me puts a plan into place called How I Can Fix It ... so Chapter 1 in How I Can Fix It is take steps to form/foster relationships with women who have kids approximately the same age as mine, which can be achieved by: 

1. Taking Mom's up on their offer to "get the kids together one afternoon"
2. Asking Mom's on Facebook for playdates
3. Joining a MOTTS group at Lovie's preschool (MOTTS = Mom's of Tots to Teens)
4. Becoming more involved at church
5. Keeping an ear out for other social activities

When I do have more flexibility to be more of a social butterfly with my children, I want to have a network to turn to. Also, depending on what we have going on each day, Baby Sister and Lovie can have very flexible schedules. That's why if a fellow Mom asks for a playdate, unless we have a doctors appointment or SOMEthing going on I won't decline. 

Also, part of Chapter 1 includes going to talk to someone. A therapist. Regardless of what it is, it's now my job to be the best, most productive Mom and wife (whether I was working or not). And that's what I am trying to be on a daily basis. Which may mean going back to work ... I'm not too proud or guilty to admit that I may be a working Mom ... hey if means I'm happy then that directly translates into a happy home/kids/husband. I just don't know, I do know I can't solve this problem on my own so I am going to therapy. A lot of this requires time and still adjusting to new schedules, routines ... Regardless, I'll keep you all posted on my progress and how things are going.

Motherhood is a struggle that's for sure. And that's something no one really does ever prepare you for.

Perfect

I think the American Dream as far as kids is concerned is two - a boy and a girl. This is affirmed on a daily basis. If I'm out with Baby Sister while Lovie is in preschool, I get a lot of: "Oh how old is she?" or "What a cute baby" followed by: "Is this your only one?" or "Does she have any siblings?" When I mention that she has an older brother who is four and a half I ALWAYS get this response: "How perfect! A boy and a girl! Now you can stop!" Or "How perfect! One of each!" To which I always say, "Yes, we are blessed, but we still would like to have one more."

And it's true. We are blessed. Both kids are happy and healthy and cute and thriving. But a.) having a boy and a girl, at least to me, isn't perfect (I'll explain) and b.) just cause we have one of each doesn't mean that we shouldn't/don't want one more. 

To me, perfect is two boys, even three boys. That's right. No girls. Why? Well, it kinda sucks being a girl. You have a period. (I could literally stop right there.) And atrocious mood swings and other girls are vicious in middle school and going to any sort of dressy-function is a nightmare ... because let's face it - we dress for other women not for our husbands. Girls are bitchy. If you don't look/dress/comb your hair a certain way you may not have friends. Barbies are expensive (to be fair so are Thomas the Tank Engine trains). So, there's a lot of crap that goes in to being a girl. A lot of high maintenance. A lot of mood. And then one day, if you're "lucky" you get to push a watermelon out of your hoo-ha and see your body go through a real-live science experiment. Neat. 

So, you may be calling Child Protective Services right now, because I have a little girl and just a paragraph above mentioned I want all boys. I love Baby Sister and wouldn't trade her for anything. And I love her with my whole heart and soul. She is perfect. It's just, my idea of perfect is different from the "norm." We do want to have one more, and yes, I hope it's a boy.

I still stand by the statement that I have made all-along since I found out that she was a girl: 

I'm not looking forward to her starting puberty cause there is nothing "happy" about a period. 

Period.

Motion Pictures

Thor
What a name right? But let's not judge a movie by it's name shall we? Cause, just so happens Thor is ridiculously good looking a shockingly good movie. However, you must have an affinity, at least a small one, for super heroes. Growing up with two younger brothers I was left with no choice BUT to love super heroes ... and trade X-Men cards ssshhhh.

Let's say you don't care for super heroes. That's fine. An affinity for men that look like they were chissled from a piece of molten hot lava works great too. It's a fun movie. A good break from the heat if you will. Natalie Portman is in it too. Given the option, I'd do her or Thor I don't know his name in real life.

Pirates
What's more fun than a pirate? OK, so a lot of things but still ... Johnny Depp as a pirate is a pretty fun, good time. Typically, the last few Pirates of so-and-so have bored me to tears because of the following:

a of all Keira Knightley's horrible teeth when she opens her mouth
b of all Orlando Bloom is a prissy ninny
c of all 3.5 hour long movies are just too long to watch people who have bad teeth and are prissy ninnies

So,  they have tended to put me to sleep. But, this latest installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean series kept me awake the whole time and I love, love, loved every minute of it. Also, it has mermaids!!

Pirates + Mermaids = Childhood memories
Huh? Read below:

Myth: Mermaids are real.

Fact: Regardless of that, every summer my best friend and I would go to the pool and spend all day pretending our legs were hooked together and swim around like mermaids.  

Needless to say I really, really wanted to find a body of water and pretend that I was mermaid. But I'm an adult ... And that'd just be plain silly ... *clears throat, nervous laughter*

Mother's Day

Never have I ever felt the need to back-peddle with appreciation as I do with my Mom.

Looking back I can fully admit that I was a pill/bitch/obnoxious ... and we have the home videos to prove it ... and she still loves me. Not only does she love ME, but she loves my husband and my Lovie and Baby Sister. That's true love right there.

When you hear everyone say "being a Mother is the hardest thing you will ever do," they are absolutely correct (note: the SATs come in a close second ... especially if you aren't a good test taker like me). No amount of advice from your own Mom, books, books on tape, videos, nurses, birth classes, etc. can prepare you for what your own experience is going to be like. And no matter how social you are and how many of you and your friends decided to have a "pregnancy pact" (bad idea if you are 14 and want a doll baby ... go to the store and buy an effing doll baby), it's very lonely at times. Adding to the loneliness are the Mom's who think that their children are angels all the time.

Point being - Motherhood is a hard job. Knowing that my Mom experienced everything and more that I have gone through so far with Lovie makes me appreciate her that much more.

To celebrate Mother's Day this year my husband and Lovie made me a delicious breakfast that consisted of an egg sandwich, then we went to Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden to look at all the beautiful flowers (and got a free plant in the process!), went to lunch at Mexico and then had my parents over for dinner. It was a great way to celebrate being a Mom. Here are some pictures from the beautiful Mother's Day we had:

Yes. I promise there is only one in there.

Aren't they cute!? My two loves.

I had never seen peonies before. I think I'm in love.

Peter Rabbit's house. Yes. THE Peter Rabbit.

I hope all the other Mommy readers had a good Mother's Day as well!!

The Going's On ...

Lately life has been going at light speed 'round these parts. Feels like treading water trying to keep up. Not having a lot of energy/not sleeping isn't really making things easier.

Lovie is in soccer, like he was last Fall. However, either the Y doesn't really have their act together this season or things are just more organized in the Fall. This thing has been crazy to say the least. Right hand doesn't talk to the left, we don't have a coach so the parents rotate (Right. Cause that's not confusing to already wound up 3 to 4 year olds.), and it's pollen central. Soccer lately is classified as Mike and Lovie "doing boy things," meaning Mommy does laundry stays home. This is in large part because I just say the word Spring and get a sinus infection.

We're having a baby. Which means, essentially, starting from square one ... not only cause it's a girl, but because things like car seats expire (so add that to the list), strollers break (add that too) and we don't have a crib (Lovie was using one my parents lent us ... add that too), girl clothes are needed (I have a mini panic attack every time I think about all the clothes we are going to need), outfitting a room (dinosaurs just don't seem appropriate for a baby girl) ... I could go on. So, there has been a considerable amount of shopping going on ... thank goodness for HomeGoods and huge online nursery sales at Pottery Barn Kids. If you want to take a ganders at the crib we got here it is.  I really love it and can't wait for it to arrive. We are going to register too. This is because we know people will want to get something for the baby at some point ... and it would be good to point them in the direction of a list of what we need.

We're also technically still newlyweds. SO, since our 6 month anniversary is tomorrow (!!! can you believe it!?! 6 months of wedded bliss) we are going out for a date night on Saturday night. I'm pretty excited. It's the first one in a loooooong time. Much needed.

House projects are lining up fast and furious. My fantastic husband has practically transformed our yard into a green beacon (I will have to post some pictures), he stained our front porch and back deck, and he's toying with putting in a patio underneath the back deck. I'm so happy I married a handyman with a green thumb. Neither of which I have (nor do I want to have).

In cute news ... Mike calls me "Sweetie" and I call him "Honey." It never ceases to make me smile and laff when Lovie from the bottom of the stairs if we are getting ready to walk out the door will say, "Come on Sweetie. We gotta get going." Or when Mike is driving, and perhaps we aren't driving fast enough for Lovie's liking (he's a total back seat driver) says, "Honnneyyyy. Goooo. Go, Honey." He's a tiny magical lovie for sure.

Oh. And because both Mike and I know a lot about T-ball, and even more about T-ball with 4 year olds, we thought it'd be a good idea to start Lovie in T-ball. Ha.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Ummm ... Would we call that, attractive???

You can read every What to Expect When You're blahblahblah book and they will tell you that there's NOTHING more beautiful and precious and desirable than being pregnant. And that everything is glorious about it eeeven if you're throwing up your life every morning. It's fine. Means the babe is healthy.

Well. Guess what's NOT attractive? Blood shot eyes + trying not to purge at work + drinking lukewarm water = I feel sooo beautiful!!

I've gone ahead and put together a list of some other "attractive" qualities in pregnancy.


Dinner Plates. - Cause we all aspire for our areolas to look like this:

Actual size during pregnancy.

Oh, and what's that? It's because the baby needs to able to see them when they're breast feeding. Awesome. Cause I'm pretty sure s/he could SEE them through a bra AND a black shirt. From a mile away. Just saying.

WARNING: Wide Load. - No matter how cute you are in the front. Turn around and take a peek at that rear ... 

Actual reaction.

A literal "OMG." But I don't think one exclamation point is enough.

Pizza. - I'm hungry ... for your face. Which looks like a 13 year old boy's or a hearty pepperoni pizza. Loves the acne. That crystal clear skin?? It's a What To Expect When You're Pregnant in Heaven lie. A pregnancy trap lie.

Sexy Can I? - Pit stains? Swamp ass? Hot. Literally. In fact during pregnancy you sweat so much that you start to think you have glandular issue.

Victoria's Secret. - Skinny bitches.

Stop sending me your magazines while I'm pregnant k? And while you're at it. Eat a mayonnaise sandwich. And for the record - my boobs are bigger than your chicken cutlet push up boobs. So. Suck it.

OK, OK that was more of a vent. A totally legit vent.

You'll start showing "sooner" with the second. - Liars!! I've looked like I was 5 months pregnant since the day I took a pregnancy test. How much "sooner" than that does it get?!?

Stoma's. - You're going to immediately be whisked into trach surgery after you deliver from all the heartburn. And nothing says to your husband that you're ready for a little romance like the voice of Stephen Hawking to seduce him.

Yes. Being pregnant is a miracle. But no, it's not pretty. Happy Easter all!!

I have a bone to pick...

With Ms. Jennifer Lopez. I was reading an article about her recently, and obviously, it was focusing on her just having given birth to twins. In said article, she mentions how to get back into shape she's training for a triathlon. Awesome. Go her. I can totally relate to that. I successfully trained, and am training for another, 1/2 marathon after having Bean. However, what I can't relate to is that she says this training for a tri is not cosmetic... Her reasoning for doing it is to, "make her babies proud of her." Herein lies the issue: OK. First of all, they are BABIES. Barely out of the womb. All they care about is where their next meal is coming from. Wanna make them proud? Feed them. Second of all, they are your children, they will always be proud of you unless your name is Britney Spears. Lastly, if you REALLY want to make your babies proud of you, JLo, then get rid of your nanny and 9 million personal assistants and raise your kids on your own like the rest of the world. OR, stop selling pictures of your beloved babies for millions of dollars to glossy magazines! Eh? How 'bout them apples. Oh, and by the way, JLo, your husband looks like a rat. Yea. That's right. I said it. A rat.