Depression? Postpartum? SAD?

I just want to feel like myself again and less like this:

There are some major things that have happened (fairly) recently, that may be contributing factors to this. I'll go in sequential order: 

1. Got married (late 2010)
2. Got pregnant (December 2010)
3. Stopped working (August 2011)
4. Had Baby (August 2011)
5. Full time Mom (late 2011/early 2012)
6. ???? 

I know. None of those things are sad things, they are happy things. However, as any newly wed knows, there are major adjustments that happen upon starting a marriage. A lot of people think that if you live together before-hand that then when you're married it's the same. But it's not. There are certain changes that take place that take adjusting to - both good and bad. So, yes it's happy but a happy marriage takes a lot of hard work. Then with pregnancy the hormones and just being pregnant overall make it more uncomfortable/borderline miserable than enjoyable. I'd even go so far to say that the only enjoyable things about pregnancy are feeling the baby move, seeing the baby on a sonogram, and having bigger boobs. Then the baby coming makes for a very sleep-deprived and over-stressed/over-worked/over-everything lifestyle. Then being a full time Mom is alienating. It's been so hard. By far the hardest, loneliest thing ever.  

Since I don't have a circle of friends where we all started out with one child the same age so then we decide to have our second around the same time too, I don't always have a network of friends that I can call on for a play date/Mommy date. I do have a lovely circle of friends and I am grateful and thankful for them, we just aren't all at the same stage in our lives. 

I realize a lot of the reason why I don't have a network of girlfriends with kids is because up until this year I was working full-time ... and the last thing I wanted to do most weekends was send Lovie off for a play date. Due in large part to me enjoying having him around, missing him and he was having non-stop play time (all day 5 days a week) at daycare. I am also well aware that now, I can't always do playdates because of Lovie's preschool schedule and the fact that Baby Sister is so young and still so needy read: breastfeeding. 

So, I'm trying to keep a very realistic, very honest rationale for the reason for my depression/sadness and realize a lot of why I am this way is situational. And the Type A in me puts a plan into place called How I Can Fix It ... so Chapter 1 in How I Can Fix It is take steps to form/foster relationships with women who have kids approximately the same age as mine, which can be achieved by: 

1. Taking Mom's up on their offer to "get the kids together one afternoon"
2. Asking Mom's on Facebook for playdates
3. Joining a MOTTS group at Lovie's preschool (MOTTS = Mom's of Tots to Teens)
4. Becoming more involved at church
5. Keeping an ear out for other social activities

When I do have more flexibility to be more of a social butterfly with my children, I want to have a network to turn to. Also, depending on what we have going on each day, Baby Sister and Lovie can have very flexible schedules. That's why if a fellow Mom asks for a playdate, unless we have a doctors appointment or SOMEthing going on I won't decline. 

Also, part of Chapter 1 includes going to talk to someone. A therapist. Regardless of what it is, it's now my job to be the best, most productive Mom and wife (whether I was working or not). And that's what I am trying to be on a daily basis. Which may mean going back to work ... I'm not too proud or guilty to admit that I may be a working Mom ... hey if means I'm happy then that directly translates into a happy home/kids/husband. I just don't know, I do know I can't solve this problem on my own so I am going to therapy. A lot of this requires time and still adjusting to new schedules, routines ... Regardless, I'll keep you all posted on my progress and how things are going.

Motherhood is a struggle that's for sure. And that's something no one really does ever prepare you for.

A straight up Two-fer

A two-fer is a two-for-one deal. Fine, BOGO if you prefer to be hip and with it. Today is a two-fer because you, Reader, are getting TWO bloggings for the price of ONE. I've mentioned before about how I have the greatest friends in the history of the entire solar system and milky way and Continental United States of America. Well, one of my most dearest is Mrs. Bear. She is the kind of friend that doesn't come around but every one in 9,000,000 years. So you know that when you find one like her it's a real gem and you have to be sure to hold on tightly. Mrs. Bear recently had a birthday. She turned the age that starts with a 3 and ends with a 0. But you would never tell it by looking at her. She doesn't look a day over 22. Not only is she young and gorgeous, but, she can be counted on for the following:

1. enjoying a cupcake
2. coming to any social function
3. being a wonderful support system
4. loving you to pieces
5. being the best friend possible
6. encouraging you to push yourself
7. always being there to listen
8. a visit
9. making you laff (even though she thinks she's not funny... she so is... check out her blog!)
10. stepping in and being the "dad" when you need a Lamaze class partner
11. Driving 2 hours at Midnight to make it for the birth of Bean

That's a pretty great friend huh?

The Warm/Fuzzies

I think that in the history of friends, I have the best that ever existed. So, here I have this child, who turned one a month ago, and due to my procrastination and other extraneous factors, had to have his birthday a month later, and they all came out for it. Not only that, but 80% of them live 2 hours away. It makes me feel so loved, and it means a lot to me that they'd come out for Bean. So friends, I love you all soooo much, and I can't put into words how much it means to me that you came out for Bean's birthday. I just wish that we had more time to visit and I feel bad that you drove all that way for not a very long period of time. If there's anything I can do to pay you back you let me know. Love, love, love.