Stress

So, you'll remember the post last month about being sad? Since then I've been to a therapist to talk my way through various Angela Agenda items and it's been a huge help. Two sessions ago, on my Birthday to be exact, she left me with a packet on stress and my objective before the next session was to read through it. Read through it I did and boy do we have one stressed lady on our hands. 

The first page in the packet was on Signs of Stress including bodily signs (tense muscles, headaches, frequent colds, breathing difficulties), feeling signs (uneasy, nervous, helpless, dissatisfied, frustrated, apathetic), behavioral signs (act irritable, negativistic; verbal mistakes, timid/withdrawn) and thinking signs (self doubt, racing thoughts, think you need help, difficulty concentrating). The second page is titled You and Stress and is a test of sorts to see just how stressed you are. There is a column on the left with various situations/life events and a numerical score attached to them. The exercise is to go through the column of life events/situations and see how many have happened/apply to you in the past year. Tally up the score and then see the chart below to determine how stressed you really are. Well, my score was 487. Apparently, any score over 300 states the following:

You now have a 9 in 10 chance of a serious health change in the next two years.

Hooray!!

I voiced my concern to my therapist about how that score was alarming/scary. As with most things, the first step is recognizing the stress. And the next is to recognize when stressful events are about to occur and planning/manage them accordingly. Example:

Pregnancy:
Recognize that it's going to be stressful
Realize that things that were previously able to be accomplished in a day may not be ever?
Cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit

Ha. Or don't have a baby less than a year after you get married. 

As for ways to effectively manage stress, the packet suggests healthy diet and exercise. Which seems to be the answer for pretty much anything these days. And another key factor that my therapist told me to do was to get some human interaction during the day. Of which currently I have little to none of. And to give myself a break. Those are things I can start doing NOW to solve the immediate need of A 31 year old should not have that much stress in her life and how can we reduce it.

Here's my immediate action plan:
while Lovie is at school go to the gym and take an exercise class (there is free babysitting for Baby Sister), look into working at Nordstrom a few evenings during the week and one weekend day or look into going back to work part time and start accomplishing some of my dreams.

One dream I've had for probably the past five to six years is to be a personal shopper. I've always loved shopping for others, shopping in general and love to run errands. Most hate errands and grocery shopping in particular, but it's something I've always enjoyed. Why not give it a go? What do I have to lose?

In the packet, and through talking to my therapist, it's mentioned often that once stress is recognized it can be used in a positive way. To solve a problem, to push us to do something that we may not have thought we could or to learn. While I'm stressed that I'm stressed, I'm also excited to put some of these tools to use and for what the future holds. Stay tuned!!

Depression? Postpartum? SAD?

I just want to feel like myself again and less like this:

There are some major things that have happened (fairly) recently, that may be contributing factors to this. I'll go in sequential order: 

1. Got married (late 2010)
2. Got pregnant (December 2010)
3. Stopped working (August 2011)
4. Had Baby (August 2011)
5. Full time Mom (late 2011/early 2012)
6. ???? 

I know. None of those things are sad things, they are happy things. However, as any newly wed knows, there are major adjustments that happen upon starting a marriage. A lot of people think that if you live together before-hand that then when you're married it's the same. But it's not. There are certain changes that take place that take adjusting to - both good and bad. So, yes it's happy but a happy marriage takes a lot of hard work. Then with pregnancy the hormones and just being pregnant overall make it more uncomfortable/borderline miserable than enjoyable. I'd even go so far to say that the only enjoyable things about pregnancy are feeling the baby move, seeing the baby on a sonogram, and having bigger boobs. Then the baby coming makes for a very sleep-deprived and over-stressed/over-worked/over-everything lifestyle. Then being a full time Mom is alienating. It's been so hard. By far the hardest, loneliest thing ever.  

Since I don't have a circle of friends where we all started out with one child the same age so then we decide to have our second around the same time too, I don't always have a network of friends that I can call on for a play date/Mommy date. I do have a lovely circle of friends and I am grateful and thankful for them, we just aren't all at the same stage in our lives. 

I realize a lot of the reason why I don't have a network of girlfriends with kids is because up until this year I was working full-time ... and the last thing I wanted to do most weekends was send Lovie off for a play date. Due in large part to me enjoying having him around, missing him and he was having non-stop play time (all day 5 days a week) at daycare. I am also well aware that now, I can't always do playdates because of Lovie's preschool schedule and the fact that Baby Sister is so young and still so needy read: breastfeeding. 

So, I'm trying to keep a very realistic, very honest rationale for the reason for my depression/sadness and realize a lot of why I am this way is situational. And the Type A in me puts a plan into place called How I Can Fix It ... so Chapter 1 in How I Can Fix It is take steps to form/foster relationships with women who have kids approximately the same age as mine, which can be achieved by: 

1. Taking Mom's up on their offer to "get the kids together one afternoon"
2. Asking Mom's on Facebook for playdates
3. Joining a MOTTS group at Lovie's preschool (MOTTS = Mom's of Tots to Teens)
4. Becoming more involved at church
5. Keeping an ear out for other social activities

When I do have more flexibility to be more of a social butterfly with my children, I want to have a network to turn to. Also, depending on what we have going on each day, Baby Sister and Lovie can have very flexible schedules. That's why if a fellow Mom asks for a playdate, unless we have a doctors appointment or SOMEthing going on I won't decline. 

Also, part of Chapter 1 includes going to talk to someone. A therapist. Regardless of what it is, it's now my job to be the best, most productive Mom and wife (whether I was working or not). And that's what I am trying to be on a daily basis. Which may mean going back to work ... I'm not too proud or guilty to admit that I may be a working Mom ... hey if means I'm happy then that directly translates into a happy home/kids/husband. I just don't know, I do know I can't solve this problem on my own so I am going to therapy. A lot of this requires time and still adjusting to new schedules, routines ... Regardless, I'll keep you all posted on my progress and how things are going.

Motherhood is a struggle that's for sure. And that's something no one really does ever prepare you for.

The Going's On ...

Lately life has been going at light speed 'round these parts. Feels like treading water trying to keep up. Not having a lot of energy/not sleeping isn't really making things easier.

Lovie is in soccer, like he was last Fall. However, either the Y doesn't really have their act together this season or things are just more organized in the Fall. This thing has been crazy to say the least. Right hand doesn't talk to the left, we don't have a coach so the parents rotate (Right. Cause that's not confusing to already wound up 3 to 4 year olds.), and it's pollen central. Soccer lately is classified as Mike and Lovie "doing boy things," meaning Mommy does laundry stays home. This is in large part because I just say the word Spring and get a sinus infection.

We're having a baby. Which means, essentially, starting from square one ... not only cause it's a girl, but because things like car seats expire (so add that to the list), strollers break (add that too) and we don't have a crib (Lovie was using one my parents lent us ... add that too), girl clothes are needed (I have a mini panic attack every time I think about all the clothes we are going to need), outfitting a room (dinosaurs just don't seem appropriate for a baby girl) ... I could go on. So, there has been a considerable amount of shopping going on ... thank goodness for HomeGoods and huge online nursery sales at Pottery Barn Kids. If you want to take a ganders at the crib we got here it is.  I really love it and can't wait for it to arrive. We are going to register too. This is because we know people will want to get something for the baby at some point ... and it would be good to point them in the direction of a list of what we need.

We're also technically still newlyweds. SO, since our 6 month anniversary is tomorrow (!!! can you believe it!?! 6 months of wedded bliss) we are going out for a date night on Saturday night. I'm pretty excited. It's the first one in a loooooong time. Much needed.

House projects are lining up fast and furious. My fantastic husband has practically transformed our yard into a green beacon (I will have to post some pictures), he stained our front porch and back deck, and he's toying with putting in a patio underneath the back deck. I'm so happy I married a handyman with a green thumb. Neither of which I have (nor do I want to have).

In cute news ... Mike calls me "Sweetie" and I call him "Honey." It never ceases to make me smile and laff when Lovie from the bottom of the stairs if we are getting ready to walk out the door will say, "Come on Sweetie. We gotta get going." Or when Mike is driving, and perhaps we aren't driving fast enough for Lovie's liking (he's a total back seat driver) says, "Honnneyyyy. Goooo. Go, Honey." He's a tiny magical lovie for sure.

Oh. And because both Mike and I know a lot about T-ball, and even more about T-ball with 4 year olds, we thought it'd be a good idea to start Lovie in T-ball. Ha.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Lovie aka Hell Boy.

Lovie is going to be 4 this year. FOUR. Can you believe it? Seems like just yesterday he looked like this:

I want to eat him alive.

And now that he's all grown up and four, he looks like this:

Too bad you can't see how cute his hammies are.

However, don't let that cute little smile and those sweet as pie crossed leggies fool you. We're going through hell a stage right now. And "we" is actually very fitting, as many days Mike and I feel like we're at our wits end and have actually reasoned why locking ourselves in a closet wouldn't be such a BAD thing?!? It'd be fine.

Apparently, what we have on our hands ladies and gentlemen, is a very stubborn and smart and hard headed little guy. Routines that used to be ... err routine ... are now a battle. From getting dressed in the morning, to pouring and subsequently eating cereal, to tucking our shirt in just so, to wanting to wet the bed at night not wanting to wear a pull-up to bed ... I could go on.

On more than one occasion it's made me consider myself the worst mother in the world. What kind of mother can I be if I apparently have no control over my child? Who in God's heaven of decision makers thought it'd be a good idea to bless me with a SECOND child OMG we're having a second child when I have done such an apparently horrible job with the first? What kind of cruel joke is this?

But alas not all days are bad thank you Baby Jesus and we've found that the closer we keep him to a schedule and the more strict, firm and consistent WE are with him the better HE is. I have heard from more than one parent that this is a stage that will pass and as long as we are firm with him things will get better. I've also found that giving him more independence and freedom work wonders for this little guy. He loves making choices on his own and he loves doing things on his own. So, we've tried to incorporate more choosing and doing. And I guess there's the whole I love him to teeny tiny pieces even when he's possessed by the devil going through this stage.

What also makes this stage so hard is that 3 was SUCH a good stage for us. Oh it was a dream and so far my absolute favorite. He was talking up a storm, potty trained, and just an over all little ham of a man. He was such a little buddy. And this stage is just so opposite. I'm looking forward to coming out of whatever this is and moving on to the next one. I know they evolve and change so I hope these are all steps forward. If there's one thing he's been from the get go it's been feisty and full of personality. Boy. Is that ever true.

*sigh* As I tell him every day, "Thank heavens you're cute."

So much to do, so little time....

My family and I leave for vacation on Saturday at approximately 9am. We will be gone a week and it will be the most glorious week ever. However, before Saturday, i.e. Friday, there is just so much to do, that there simply aren't enough hours to accommodate. Here's what my Day looks like: Friday, August 1, 2008 To Do List: 1.) Go to work 2.) Somehow focus on work whilst at work 3.) Pick up Bean from day care 4.) Play with Bean 5.) Feed Bean 5.5) Somehow manage to administer medicine to Bean. This makes escaping from Alcatraz look easy. 6.) Give Bean a bath 7.) Put Bean to bed 8.) Iron clothes *shudder* 9.) Pack the rest of Bean's things for vacation: toys, toilettries, medicine, flotation devices 10.) Somehow pack for myself 11.) Go to Jec-Jec's birthday party must arrive before 10pm Uh. Not. Keep in mind that from #3 to #11 I have only 4 hours to accomplish all the tasks. I feel like I'm on a bad reality TV show!