Lazy

Call it lazy, call it pregnancy, call it what you will, I like elevators. Typically, I do not care for elevators, except in buildings that have more than 4 floors. But with pregnancy hiking up steps is the last thing on my list of activities I want to participate in. I am hot and sweaty enough just thinking about walking from my car to the building, so I rely heavily on elevators ... to go up 4 floors mind you ... and seeing as how I'm 7 months preggers but look like I'm 9 I think my excuse is pretty solid.

What floors me are the people who have the rolling briefcases. What bothers me most about them is when they take the elevator up or down one floor because of said briefcase. Lame. Because there's nothing more aggravating in an elevator than having to stop on every floor. (I work on the 4th floor of a 4 story building ... there has been more than one occasion when we stop on every floor on the way up due to these jokers)

I'm sure these are the same people who park in handicap spots without a sticker because they don't want to walk and those who take a motorized cart around Sam's Club because they don't want to walk when they get inside either.

Motion Pictures

Thor
What a name right? But let's not judge a movie by it's name shall we? Cause, just so happens Thor is ridiculously good looking a shockingly good movie. However, you must have an affinity, at least a small one, for super heroes. Growing up with two younger brothers I was left with no choice BUT to love super heroes ... and trade X-Men cards ssshhhh.

Let's say you don't care for super heroes. That's fine. An affinity for men that look like they were chissled from a piece of molten hot lava works great too. It's a fun movie. A good break from the heat if you will. Natalie Portman is in it too. Given the option, I'd do her or Thor I don't know his name in real life.

Pirates
What's more fun than a pirate? OK, so a lot of things but still ... Johnny Depp as a pirate is a pretty fun, good time. Typically, the last few Pirates of so-and-so have bored me to tears because of the following:

a of all Keira Knightley's horrible teeth when she opens her mouth
b of all Orlando Bloom is a prissy ninny
c of all 3.5 hour long movies are just too long to watch people who have bad teeth and are prissy ninnies

So,  they have tended to put me to sleep. But, this latest installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean series kept me awake the whole time and I love, love, loved every minute of it. Also, it has mermaids!!

Pirates + Mermaids = Childhood memories
Huh? Read below:

Myth: Mermaids are real.

Fact: Regardless of that, every summer my best friend and I would go to the pool and spend all day pretending our legs were hooked together and swim around like mermaids.  

Needless to say I really, really wanted to find a body of water and pretend that I was mermaid. But I'm an adult ... And that'd just be plain silly ... *clears throat, nervous laughter*

Mother's Day

Never have I ever felt the need to back-peddle with appreciation as I do with my Mom.

Looking back I can fully admit that I was a pill/bitch/obnoxious ... and we have the home videos to prove it ... and she still loves me. Not only does she love ME, but she loves my husband and my Lovie and Baby Sister. That's true love right there.

When you hear everyone say "being a Mother is the hardest thing you will ever do," they are absolutely correct (note: the SATs come in a close second ... especially if you aren't a good test taker like me). No amount of advice from your own Mom, books, books on tape, videos, nurses, birth classes, etc. can prepare you for what your own experience is going to be like. And no matter how social you are and how many of you and your friends decided to have a "pregnancy pact" (bad idea if you are 14 and want a doll baby ... go to the store and buy an effing doll baby), it's very lonely at times. Adding to the loneliness are the Mom's who think that their children are angels all the time.

Point being - Motherhood is a hard job. Knowing that my Mom experienced everything and more that I have gone through so far with Lovie makes me appreciate her that much more.

To celebrate Mother's Day this year my husband and Lovie made me a delicious breakfast that consisted of an egg sandwich, then we went to Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden to look at all the beautiful flowers (and got a free plant in the process!), went to lunch at Mexico and then had my parents over for dinner. It was a great way to celebrate being a Mom. Here are some pictures from the beautiful Mother's Day we had:

Yes. I promise there is only one in there.

Aren't they cute!? My two loves.

I had never seen peonies before. I think I'm in love.

Peter Rabbit's house. Yes. THE Peter Rabbit.

I hope all the other Mommy readers had a good Mother's Day as well!!

Open

This is the title of the book that I am almost finished reading ... Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi.

Read some of the great reviews here

It's nothing short of amazing and even more amazing is how well written it is. So well written, and captivating. The only reason why I picked it up to read it is cause I wanted to donate it and thought:

Welllll, it's a signed copy that I got when I used work at Genworth. May as well read it before I give it away.

(Andre Agassi used to be a spokesperson for Genworth and played in a few tournaments that Genworth sponsored. When his book came out he sent a box to Genworth all signed - those who wanted one got a signed copy ... or in my case those who happened to walk by at the right time and love free things.)

And I haven't been able to put it down ever since. Surprisingly the book isn't really about tennis, as I expected it would be, but instead it's about getting to know who he is as a person, his emotions, his thoughts, his journey. And that person is a remarkably touching, motivated, giving and kind soul. What touches me the most is how giving of a person Andre is. I don't know why I thought that he wouldn't be, I guess because before this book:

a.) I didn't care for tennis. At. All. (and still don't), and
b.) I didn't know a lick about him - except that he's a tennis player. And was married to Brooke Sheilds. And is married to Steffi Graff.

So, essentially all I knew about him is from what I would read in People magazine. But he's a person that puts everyone else around him first, and I will never tire of reading how much someone loves, honors, appreciates and respects their wife and family. Especially when that person is a male.

And lets get one thing straight. I'm no tennis aficionado. Me liking this book is tantamount to me ASKING to watch golf on TV. Something that would never happen.

So, mostly I'm just blown away by how good it is because I was expecting quite the opposite. Shocker book of the season right here.

Easter 2011

Easter is always one of my favorite Holidays - because the focus is on children getting presents from a mythical giant bunny someone was smoking some serious juice when they thought that concept would be a good idea and spending time with family over a ridiculous amount of food.

In summary: Holidays that involve ridiculous amounts of food consumption are my favorite.

The hardest part in our house, the Parker house, is finding the right time for the Easter Bunny to present him/herself. Last year Mike and I totally forgot about Easter so The Bunny came during Lovie's nap time so that The Bunny could gather some presents.

Easter Bunny challenge: Lovie cannot have an ounce of chocolate or else the Devil himself is present for the remainder of the day. 

So, The Bunny fills Lovie's basket with various and sundry non-chocolate treats like DVD's and little trinket toys and chewable candies. Last year The Bunny went all. out.

Complete with Bunny footprints ... Lovie was very distressed about this

But very pleased with his basket of treats

The Bunny also leaves Easter eggs in the front yard for an afternoon Easter egg hunt.

In summary: Easter 2010 was a resounding success ... Winning.

Well, this Easter we had to carry on the mid-afternoon tradition. So, that meant making sure SOMEone had/took a nap. Since we had all the preparations for Easter this year there was no excuse for The Bunny to not come in the morning. But being the horrid parents we are, we still couldn't get our act together to have The Bunny come in the morning AND come to find out, this was good bribery:

If we keep stealing other children's Easter eggs/standing on the pews in church/crawling on the floor at brunch I'm going to call The Easter Bunny and he won't bring you your basket.

So, that worked very well. Until actual nap time needed to happen - getting a certain SOMEone to take a nap these days is no small feat. Especially since he's moved into his "big boy bed." Never the less, after a good 2 hours of reenacting the Exorcist nap he eventually took. Allowing The Bunny to get the Easter preparations, set up Lovie's basket of treats and hide some eggs.

In summary: Easter 2011 was a success despite a brief run-in with devil possession.

Other ways in which Easter 2011 > Easter 2010: 
a.) We all went to church in the morning, before church there was an Easter egg hunt on the lawn of the Capitol. Lovie made out like a bandit;

Pre-said Easter egg hunt on Capitol lawn ... proof we went to church ...

b.) We had brunch with Nana and Papa afterwards no proof of this, you'll have to take my word for it, if you know me, you're lucky you're seeing pictures of a Holiday. You're welcome;
c.) Another egg hunt after nap again count your blessings;
d.) Dinner using the new china with Nana, Papa and Uncle Johnny no proof they actually came but keep in mind we wouldn't set all that china out for imaginary friends.

The china looked so pretty, I wish it translated better via pictures ... while we had our work cut out for us hand washing the dishes afterwards, it was so fun to use it all!

I Heart Bethenny

Maybe it's because I'm slightly neurotic myself or maybe it's because I secretly want to be ridiculously successful, rich and thin ... but I have a serious girl crush on Bethenny Frankel. This is the first girl crush of mine that isn't due to her looks because let's face it ... by most standards she's not a gorgeous girl.

Girlfriend is a little tran-tastic ... and those jowls ...

But she says what's on her mind, makes no apologies for it, doesn't care who likes her and who doesn't and has an uber successful brand.

She's also a Mom who, thankfully also shuns the Mom-jeans. I'd love to spend a day in her closet after I lost 90 lbs. Above all else, I just find her to be entertaining. And perhaps that's all she is - entertainment. But even if that's the case, I enjoy every minute of it.

Since my husband knows 100%, first hand, how much I love her this is what he got me for our 6 month anniversary present:

Can't wait to drink it alllllllll ....

And it was perfect. And I can't wait to try it. Skinnygirl is Bethenny's line of low cal bottled margarita ... the only one of it's kind and is in such high demand that ABC Stores are rapidly selling out of it. She recently sold Skinny Girl for $120 million. Girlfriend knows what she's doing.

So, until the next season of Bethenny Ever After airs, this fan will be anxiously awaiting ...

The Going's On ...

Lately life has been going at light speed 'round these parts. Feels like treading water trying to keep up. Not having a lot of energy/not sleeping isn't really making things easier.

Lovie is in soccer, like he was last Fall. However, either the Y doesn't really have their act together this season or things are just more organized in the Fall. This thing has been crazy to say the least. Right hand doesn't talk to the left, we don't have a coach so the parents rotate (Right. Cause that's not confusing to already wound up 3 to 4 year olds.), and it's pollen central. Soccer lately is classified as Mike and Lovie "doing boy things," meaning Mommy does laundry stays home. This is in large part because I just say the word Spring and get a sinus infection.

We're having a baby. Which means, essentially, starting from square one ... not only cause it's a girl, but because things like car seats expire (so add that to the list), strollers break (add that too) and we don't have a crib (Lovie was using one my parents lent us ... add that too), girl clothes are needed (I have a mini panic attack every time I think about all the clothes we are going to need), outfitting a room (dinosaurs just don't seem appropriate for a baby girl) ... I could go on. So, there has been a considerable amount of shopping going on ... thank goodness for HomeGoods and huge online nursery sales at Pottery Barn Kids. If you want to take a ganders at the crib we got here it is.  I really love it and can't wait for it to arrive. We are going to register too. This is because we know people will want to get something for the baby at some point ... and it would be good to point them in the direction of a list of what we need.

We're also technically still newlyweds. SO, since our 6 month anniversary is tomorrow (!!! can you believe it!?! 6 months of wedded bliss) we are going out for a date night on Saturday night. I'm pretty excited. It's the first one in a loooooong time. Much needed.

House projects are lining up fast and furious. My fantastic husband has practically transformed our yard into a green beacon (I will have to post some pictures), he stained our front porch and back deck, and he's toying with putting in a patio underneath the back deck. I'm so happy I married a handyman with a green thumb. Neither of which I have (nor do I want to have).

In cute news ... Mike calls me "Sweetie" and I call him "Honey." It never ceases to make me smile and laff when Lovie from the bottom of the stairs if we are getting ready to walk out the door will say, "Come on Sweetie. We gotta get going." Or when Mike is driving, and perhaps we aren't driving fast enough for Lovie's liking (he's a total back seat driver) says, "Honnneyyyy. Goooo. Go, Honey." He's a tiny magical lovie for sure.

Oh. And because both Mike and I know a lot about T-ball, and even more about T-ball with 4 year olds, we thought it'd be a good idea to start Lovie in T-ball. Ha.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

Stereotypical ...

What's more stereotypical in pregnancy than pickles and ice cream? However, since I can't eat ice cream (pesky milk allergy) I will have to settle for fried pickles. And. They are heaven on earth.

Saturday night we went to a Flying Squirrels (Richmond's horribly named minor league baseball team) baseball game with Lovie and his little friend from school and her Mom and Dad. I went to the concession stand to get us some grub (where us = me) and omgah! I saw Fried Pickles on the menu and I had to try them. They were fried pickle spears which was totally bi-winning because they were tasty dill and easy to manage. Not to mention they were so, so, so good. So good in fact that when Husband went up later to get us more grub (where us = him) I requested another round of fried pickles.

Here's exactly what my delicious little friends looked like:

Well not exactly what they looked like ... mine came in a paper tray covered in grease

Swoon.

Ummm ... Would we call that, attractive???

You can read every What to Expect When You're blahblahblah book and they will tell you that there's NOTHING more beautiful and precious and desirable than being pregnant. And that everything is glorious about it eeeven if you're throwing up your life every morning. It's fine. Means the babe is healthy.

Well. Guess what's NOT attractive? Blood shot eyes + trying not to purge at work + drinking lukewarm water = I feel sooo beautiful!!

I've gone ahead and put together a list of some other "attractive" qualities in pregnancy.


Dinner Plates. - Cause we all aspire for our areolas to look like this:

Actual size during pregnancy.

Oh, and what's that? It's because the baby needs to able to see them when they're breast feeding. Awesome. Cause I'm pretty sure s/he could SEE them through a bra AND a black shirt. From a mile away. Just saying.

WARNING: Wide Load. - No matter how cute you are in the front. Turn around and take a peek at that rear ... 

Actual reaction.

A literal "OMG." But I don't think one exclamation point is enough.

Pizza. - I'm hungry ... for your face. Which looks like a 13 year old boy's or a hearty pepperoni pizza. Loves the acne. That crystal clear skin?? It's a What To Expect When You're Pregnant in Heaven lie. A pregnancy trap lie.

Sexy Can I? - Pit stains? Swamp ass? Hot. Literally. In fact during pregnancy you sweat so much that you start to think you have glandular issue.

Victoria's Secret. - Skinny bitches.

Stop sending me your magazines while I'm pregnant k? And while you're at it. Eat a mayonnaise sandwich. And for the record - my boobs are bigger than your chicken cutlet push up boobs. So. Suck it.

OK, OK that was more of a vent. A totally legit vent.

You'll start showing "sooner" with the second. - Liars!! I've looked like I was 5 months pregnant since the day I took a pregnancy test. How much "sooner" than that does it get?!?

Stoma's. - You're going to immediately be whisked into trach surgery after you deliver from all the heartburn. And nothing says to your husband that you're ready for a little romance like the voice of Stephen Hawking to seduce him.

Yes. Being pregnant is a miracle. But no, it's not pretty. Happy Easter all!!

Lovie aka Hell Boy.

Lovie is going to be 4 this year. FOUR. Can you believe it? Seems like just yesterday he looked like this:

I want to eat him alive.

And now that he's all grown up and four, he looks like this:

Too bad you can't see how cute his hammies are.

However, don't let that cute little smile and those sweet as pie crossed leggies fool you. We're going through hell a stage right now. And "we" is actually very fitting, as many days Mike and I feel like we're at our wits end and have actually reasoned why locking ourselves in a closet wouldn't be such a BAD thing?!? It'd be fine.

Apparently, what we have on our hands ladies and gentlemen, is a very stubborn and smart and hard headed little guy. Routines that used to be ... err routine ... are now a battle. From getting dressed in the morning, to pouring and subsequently eating cereal, to tucking our shirt in just so, to wanting to wet the bed at night not wanting to wear a pull-up to bed ... I could go on.

On more than one occasion it's made me consider myself the worst mother in the world. What kind of mother can I be if I apparently have no control over my child? Who in God's heaven of decision makers thought it'd be a good idea to bless me with a SECOND child OMG we're having a second child when I have done such an apparently horrible job with the first? What kind of cruel joke is this?

But alas not all days are bad thank you Baby Jesus and we've found that the closer we keep him to a schedule and the more strict, firm and consistent WE are with him the better HE is. I have heard from more than one parent that this is a stage that will pass and as long as we are firm with him things will get better. I've also found that giving him more independence and freedom work wonders for this little guy. He loves making choices on his own and he loves doing things on his own. So, we've tried to incorporate more choosing and doing. And I guess there's the whole I love him to teeny tiny pieces even when he's possessed by the devil going through this stage.

What also makes this stage so hard is that 3 was SUCH a good stage for us. Oh it was a dream and so far my absolute favorite. He was talking up a storm, potty trained, and just an over all little ham of a man. He was such a little buddy. And this stage is just so opposite. I'm looking forward to coming out of whatever this is and moving on to the next one. I know they evolve and change so I hope these are all steps forward. If there's one thing he's been from the get go it's been feisty and full of personality. Boy. Is that ever true.

*sigh* As I tell him every day, "Thank heavens you're cute."

Up to Speed

Here's what's been going in the world of Non-Momjeans since my last blog post. Yes. I realize that this was a long, long, long time ago.

Sappy.
I got married on November 6, 2010 and it will forever be the happiest day of my life. I think this picture captures how happy this day was VERY well.

My Mom described this picture as "ebullient" and I couldn't have said it better myself

Many people feel as though they were "born" to do whatever their chosen career path is, or to have kids, or to be a Mom, or to volunteer their time to a certain cause. I truly feel as though God put me on this planet to marry my husband. Nothing in this world has ever felt so right, was so happy, and so fulfilling. And married life, even though we have our days, is something I wouldn't trade for the world. I love my Lovie, don't get me wrong, but lets face it. There's nothing blissfully happy about childbirth.

Happy.
Speaking of childbirth. Fast forward to ... December 2010 and welp. I'm pregnant.

We just found out she was a "she" on Friday, April 14

Here she is. You heard that right. We are having a little girl. Our little addition to our already chaotic family will arrive on or around September 3rd. I'm hoping for August 30th though ... as my Birthday is March 30th, Lovie's is June 30th so it'd be really cool if this one carried on the "30th" tradition too. Not to mention the fact that this summer is going to be painfully and annoyingly hot.

Happy 2.0
So, this year just so happens to be The Year of the Wedding. My brother will be getting married on May 28th:

And my best friend, Jec-Jec, will be tying the knot on October 22nd:

Doesn't she look like Carrie Underwood??

I am so happy and excited for them both!